Guest host Noah leads a lively and heartfelt discussion exploring the many forms of polyamory — from kitchen-table dynamics to monogamish relationships, harems of cuddle buddies, and solo poly living. The conversation opens with introductions from the full PolySoCal crew and new guests, each sharing their experiences and definitions of what “poly” means to them. Together, they dive into the importance of communication, boundaries, and how relationships evolve in today’s changing world. What begins as an exploration of relationship types turns into a deeper conversation about the future of love, trust, and connection in a society redefining what relationships look like.
Noah, Cupcake, Heather, Ash, Max, Blake, Lana, Kim, Craig
Noah (00:00)
Hello and welcome to another episode of the Poly SoCal podcast. I’m Noah and I will be your guest host for tonight. Alonzo Banks couldn’t join us this time, but don’t worry. We’ve got a fantastic episoding our foundation, but we knew from the start we wanted to be monogamish. And so then wde in store. Tonight’s topic is the types of poly and which ones resonate with you. We’ll dive into the many different forms of polyamorous relationships and explore whether one size really fits all. And to start, first want to go ahead and start a round of introductions with everyone that we have on the podcast tonight.
Max (00:11)
you
Noah (00:28)
I’m going to go ahead and go in order as they appear on my screen. So I’m going to go ahead and pick on my partner right off the bat. Cupcake, who are you? Why are you here?
Cupcake (00:36)
Who am I? I’m Cupcake. I’ve been in a relationship with my husband for eight or nine years, married for three, and then I’ve also been in a relationship with Noah and my other partner and his partner, Cookie, for about a little over a year.
me.
Noah (00:54)
All right, Blake, introduce yourself.
Blake (00:56)
Lana and I have been partners for about three and a half years. And our first year, we were basically buile manifested in abundance of love and play, and we’re getting to know some people better. having a good time.
Noah (01:14)
All right, and Craig.
Craig (01:16)
Hi, my name’s Craig and I guess you can consider me the conservative voice on the outside looking in.
Noah (01:22)
Beautiful. Max.
Max (01:24)
I’m ⁓ Max. I’m the single submissive male who is kink friendly and all that good stuff. Very demisexual and I’ve met this community and it’s where we can be open and honest about sexuality. So I’ve been sucked in to become a part of it and I like being able to bring my viewpoint.
Noah (01:43)
Beautiful. Lana.
Lana (01:44)
I’m Lana, I’m in a relationship with Blake. I’m polysensual, love to be on a podcast and love you all.
Noah (01:52)
Ash.
Ash (01:52)
Hi, I’m Ash. I am the hostess at a lot of our in-person events. So if you ever go to any, you’ll see me there. I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for about seven years. I’ve come to realize I’ve created a bit of a harem for myself recently. So I’ve got all that going on.
Blake (02:08)
Hehehehehe
Noah (02:09)
Beautiful. All right. We have Kim, who’s new to the podcast. ⁓
Kim (02:14)
Hi, my name’s Kim. I am single and I’m actually not poly. I dabbled, I guess, when I was younger, but I’m not technically poly. So I guess I’m just an outsider’s sort of viewpoint and opinion. So there we go. I’m familiar with very different communities because of going to goth clubs for a very extended period of time and the convention scenes. So there we go.
Noah (02:34)
And last but not least, Heather.
Heather (02:36)
Hi, I’m Heather. I’ve been married for four years. Polly lifestyle, Polly for a year and then I’ve been in the swinger community for about 10 years.
Noah (02:48)
Beautiful. We’ve got lots of varied relationships and experience types tonight. This is great. All right, well, let’s go ahead get started. The question tonight, as we spoke about earlier, is the types of poly and which ones resonate with you? Is there anybody that wants to start off with what their relationship looks like and why that’s working for you?
Heather.
Heather (03:07)
I consider myself to be kitchen table Polly. Me and my husband are both hierarchical Polly to an extent. My husband will always come before any of my partners. And that’s not to say that I don’t equally respect my partner’s time and space either. I’ve been dating John and Patty for a year now and that’s how we like to practice. We like to know all of our partners and then their partners too.
Noah (03:32)
For those that don’t know, do you have a definition for a kitchen table, Pauline?
Heather (03:37)
The ability to for everyone to be able to come to a shared space and hang out is kind of awesome and just to be able to know my partner’s partner on a deeper level.
Noah (03:49)
Got it.
Anybody else want to talk about their relationship and how it works for them? Ash?
Ash (03:53)
So I’ve been with my main partner for about seven years. recently I’ve come to the realization that I’ve created a bit of a harem for myself. So I have different cuddle buddies, like almost every other week. And all of them tend to come together. And it is a very kitchen table dynamic. ⁓ It’s not always sexual, but it is very emotional and physical in certain aspects.
It’s been interesting the more that I actually realized it. I didn’t realize it before. I just thought I cuddled with my buddies. And then I realized I have this really big family of people who all had different skill sets and different things that would come through the house and help me out where I need it, where I was lacking. And it’s become a very comfortable ecosystem in a lot of ways. ⁓
Noah (04:33)
So I’m curious about this a little bit. How did you find that those relationships morphed into something that was what seemed more like cuddle buddies or just pure friendships into something else?
Ash (04:46)
I think it’s genuinely like me and Spencer, my partner are both very loving people and I just like, I sometimes he does not always want physical affection. I am a cuddle bug. I want to be petted. I want to be told I’m pretty. I’m just a needy motherfucker. So, you know, when he was unavailable for that, like some of our friends started taking that position.
And then it became one of those things that like, have friends who come and visit me like every other week and they stay for a couple of days and some that come and stay for a few weeks and it has become a very like open dynamic in the house. like, ⁓ so they come and they’ll like sleep in bed with me and you know, I get cuddles and someone to watch anime with and Spencer doesn’t always have to have me up his butt all the time because I’m still getting my needs met and otherwise.
But it’s not really all sexual either because, know, some, you know, even with some of my partners, like we haven’t crossed that line, but we are very affectionate and very supportive of one another and what we need and what we’re looking for, you know what I mean?
Noah (05:48)
Yeah, so in that dynamic, is there any sort of, quote unquote, like official labels that you’re using, or is it all very much just like a hang sesh?
Ash (05:57)
It’s kind of just a hang-seh, that’s why I didn’t realize I had a harem until recently because I was like, I have all these people that I can call on and like, I started referring to them as my harem and they were like, yeah, totally. That’s exactly what this is. And I’m like, all right, cool. So there was no labels or no like communication like, you know, we are now officially kind of a thing. It just was like a very natural sort of occurrence that happened over time.
Blake (06:23)
you
Ash (06:24)
It means I have to cook really big meals most of the days of the week. That’s a thing. So it is great. I’m an excellent cook and an excellent bake. I actually recently made blueberry cinnamon rolls for everybody and they did not last long. And now I have to make them again in like five days.
Max (06:26)
Hmm.
Noah (06:27)
Are you a cook?
Blake (06:30)
Thank
Noah (06:37)
Delicious. All right, Max, I see you raise your hand, but we had Cupcake beat you to it. So Cupcake, I’m taking notes. Go ahead and explain our relationship to everybody.
Cupcake (06:43)
Yeah. ⁓
Max (06:45)
Ha
Blake (06:46)
Hehehehe.
Cupcake (06:49)
Well, I mean, I kind of wanted to start out by, you know, my first two open relationships where, you know, I started with an ex that was the first experience I had with open relationships and it was kind of forced upon me and it wasn’t very kitchen table. Like, I didn’t really feel comfortable in the situation, so it made me uncomfortable to know other…
partners that my partner had, whereas I didn’t really explore it as much as, you know, obviously I do now. And then I went from that relationship into another poly slash open dynamic, but I was not known to any of the other partners. I was, you know, it was more of a… unfortunately a hush-hush situation, which was, you know, not another good experience to be part of. And it made me really realize that, you know, in dynamic that we have with
Noah and Cookie and my husband, it’s very kitchen table. The whole dynamic started as purely a friendship of people that we had similar interests with. And I think that made it have a good base. In fact, that we were all very comfortable with each other as friends and people and growing from whatever that was. And I do really prefer that.
Granted, we do have what we consider our primary partners as my husband is my primary partner and Cookie and Noah are primary partners, but it’s fine for our dynamic because we’re understanding that there is deep rooted situations and responsibilities with said partner. I’ve been with my husband for nine, eight years and vice versa, Cookie and Noah have been about three years or so and we live together. So obviously there’s gonna be a certain amount of
know, primariness or hierarchal, but it’s all understood between, you know, the dynamic. So… Did I do it right? You want to add to it? Go for it! ⁓
Noah (08:35)
So far.
Blake (08:35)
Thank
Noah (08:39)
No,
you summed it up quite well, quite well. Yeah. It’s interesting. We’ve got a couple of kitchen table scenarios here. We’ve got a whole cuddle puddle harem. Max, what do you got for us?
Max (08:39)
You did well, Cupcake.
Blake (08:49)
you
Max (08:50)
So I guess, so I was first, guess, so, you know, grow up, monogamy is, you know, the only option and started going to, you know, different events where I just opened my eyes to seeing people who were poly, people who were, I get, you know, had open marriages where like they returned to each other, but they were free to pursue things. And it kind of opened my eyes to, there’s more out there. And then I had a key holder.
who we were having, I guess, a good enough connection that she invited me to visit. And when we first met in person and having conversation, and I mean, I knew she was married and it was important to me to know that like, what the deal was, so to speak. And they had open communication, he knew, she knew, it was accepted. And so it was like, okay. I mean, it wasn’t something I think.
10 years ago, I would have thought that I would have been into pursuing, but so for a while I was her side piece that she kept in chastity and it was a lot of fun. But I think for me, once I hit the limitations of the relationship, because it was open in that, I mean, well, we had good communication and that everyone knew what was going on, but there were limits. Like it wasn’t like I wasn’t gonna meet him. I wasn’t gonna go over to their house.
And those things started bothering me and the distance was hard. And so, you know, and that’s why I kind of moved on and ended things even as wonderful as they were. And it’s just opened my eyes to a lot of things. I know Alonzo and he’s been, he’s like, you’re, might be single, but you’re good to come to these kinds of things. And ⁓ it’s got me interested in finding more and exploring more and maybe finding something that isn’t as.
you know, atypical to society, but whatever. I like to go my own way, especially when everyone understands what’s going on and no one’s deceiving anyone. And like Ash said, she can get her needs met by a lot of different ways. And maybe that’s the best way to have good relationships that last a long
Noah (10:48)
Yeah, absolutely. So ⁓ in your and I apologize if I missed it in that first poly relationship that you had, you know, roughly how long ago was that?
Max (10:58)
it ended about, was it about 10, wait no 10 months, about a year I’d say ago. ⁓ it lasted for about two years.
Noah (11:06)
Okay, so relatively recent then. Good. Good deal. Nice. So you’re on the similar journey as I am then. It’s been a couple years for me here. So great. All right. So actually, I’m going to call on Blake and Lana. We can just choose one of you, whoever wants to talk first, I suppose. But I want know more about your relationship and how you have relationships with others.
Blake (11:29)
Do want to go ahead?
Lana (11:30)
Go ahead, go first.
Blake (11:31)
All right. Okay. So, we knew from when we first got together that we wanted to have variety in our relationship, but that we wanted to have security. That was very important to both of us. And so, we started out with this agreement that we wanted to be monogamish, to have our core relationship be the center and then to be open for play and …
and for discovery with other folks. And since then, you know, we’ve gotten to know some quads and we’ve gotten to know some threesomes. And I think we see things that are appealing about each of those and we’ve had some nice experiences both with unicorns and with other couples. And I think we’ve recently kind of been exploring that more deeply kind of the dynamic of
of getting to know another couple more personally and enjoying that a lot.
Noah (12:25)
And so for those that may not know, how would you describe monogamish? What does that mean to you?
Blake (12:31)
Do you want to say one?
Lana (12:32)
Monogamish, I’m polysensual and for me monogamish, it’s never enough kisses, never enough hugs. So I love everybody and I have my beloved Blake. So it’s my primary relationship with him. Safety is the keyword, communication is another keyword. And I’m curious, I’m curious what else is available. And it’s very slow process of opening, opening of relationship, opening… ⁓
Just who we are, just every time when we are exploring and experimenting with something new, we are learning about ourselves. And because safety is very important, we decided we’re going to play as a couple and continue to explore. it could be, Monagamish could be cooking together.
explore some museums together, just be sensual. And every time when we are meeting with another couple, we are talking about boundaries, about our desires, and what does it mean for us to be open with open heart and open mind.
Noah (13:36)
Yeah, it’s beautiful actually. So Blake, you… Yeah, yeah, I was actually gonna ask you on that. What is a unicorn in this context, Blake? Yeah.
Blake (13:38)
And I see Max was asking, oh, Max was asking what’s a unicorn? Awesome.
Yeah, yeah. So, you know, unicorns are rare and beautiful creatures that are difficult to find. And I think that they were probably more difficult to find when people came up with that term. And it would be a couple where the man was, where the couple was looking only for a woman because of the one dick rule. And the…
that would be where a unicorn was expected to fit into a particular dynamic. But I think that we’re using it more broadly just to refer to a third person, somebody that is interested in spending time with us together as a couple. Does that explain it?
Noah (14:18)
Yeah, I think so. You know, in my experience, and I would love if someone would have a different definition, but for me, how I typically see a unicorn is a single female who is interested in potentially a polyamorous experience of some kind with what is typically a male and female couple, but doesn’t always have to be.
and that they are called a unicorn because they are rare and difficult to find. Right. ⁓
Blake (14:49)
I guess
for us, I’d say that we’re more into neo unicorns, so any gender, any orientation as well.
Noah (14:55)
Yeah. Ash, did you have something you want to say about that?
Ash (14:57)
I was gonna say I feel like a unicorn could be male or female because also just finding a male who can get into a relationship as such and not be jealous or not like add extra to it is still a unicorn like finding people of that mannerism is difficult so they’re all unicorns.
Cupcake (15:15)
I think they’re also called dragons. Just… I think. That’s what I’ve heard, yeah.
Heather (15:17)
That’s what it’s about to say. They’re dragons.
Ash (15:18)
⁓ interesting.
Max (15:19)
I like that one. I like that one.
Ash (15:22)
So dragons and unicorns? I haven’t heard the term dragons before.
Max (15:22)
Yeah. Yeah. I only heard or used unicorn in the term of finding the perfect candidate for a job. And I guess that’s why I kind of wanted some clarification, but it just makes a little more sense in context.
Heather (15:24)
Yeah.
Cupcake (15:25)
Yeah.
Ash (15:35)
I like the term dragon.
Noah (15:37)
Yeah, Dragon’s a new one for me, actually. I had not heard that either. I suppose, you know, to find a man who’s more interested in that sort of situation might be a little bit easier to find than a female, but maybe not. I don’t know. I’m not looking, so I’m not sure.
Max (15:38)
Yeah.
Blake (15:51)
Is there
a word for either gender, for third person of either gender?
Max (15:56)
Hmm. What’s a good fantasy creature that is kind of either gender? That would be what you want, right? Although unicorns aren’t necessarily female or male, I think.
Blake (16:00)
Yeah.
Cupcake (16:02)
Yeah. Right, I don’t think it
necessarily matters because you’re not specifically saying that all dragons are males and all unicorns are females. It could just be whatever that person relates to personally.
Max (16:13)
That’s it.
Noah (16:15)
You heard it here folks, it’s DragonCorn. That’s what we’re going with today.
Blake (16:18)
Yeah.
Max (16:19)
Nice.
Lana (16:19)
Funturm.
Cupcake (16:20)
feel like I’ve seen that porn before.
Max (16:22)
Have you?
Noah (16:23)
All right. So, you know, we have a plethora of relationship types here, right? We have some single folks who consider themselves poly, just aren’t in a relationship right now. We’ve got kitchen table. We have the harem of cuddle buddies. We have monogamish. We do still have a couple of other folks that haven’t spoken yet. So I don’t know if we…
Want to hear anything from Craig or Kim, if you have anything you want to share?
Craig (16:51)
Well, I’ll let ladies first, Kim, if you’d like to go first.
Kim (16:55)
Well, I’m not sure how much I can contribute. My experiences personally being involved in any kind of poly relationship were not good. That’s not that they were bad people. We were just all at very different points in our life. My experience was with married couples. So I don’t know what that says about me, but they were married friends.
knew both husband and wife. I was not involved with the wife, but I would go on dates with the husband. We would be physical, but she was aware of everything that happened. It just wasn’t very healthy, I guess, in the long run. And there was another couple that I was involved with, again, just the husband, but I knew both husband and wife.
And I agree about openness and open communication, but I also believe there’s a, you can go a degree too far. You don’t need to call your wife immediately after we’ve been intimate and give her a play by play in my opinion. So I felt violated in that respect a little bit. Like I understand being open, but I believe there is also some level of personal privacy, I guess, because I’m more of a private person. I do.
want someone to respect my boundaries while I respect yours. So it was something that I just removed myself from because the version of Polly that I was introduced to, I don’t think was the type I was comfortable with, especially having no community at the time to lean upon. Everyone here kind of seems to have built a community or is involved or been brought into a community. And I think that’s important.
because then you can explore the different types or learn about different types and not just be like, well, this is how it is. I don’t like it, therefore I’m not. So it’s interesting to see that there are different types. And as I’ve learned, I’ve gotten older. So when it comes to the, is it one size fits all, I definitely don’t think that you can believe in that kind of stereotype on it.
Noah (18:43)
Yeah, I think that’s true. And really that’s true for even monogamous relationships. Right. I mean, everybody kind of treats their own relationship in a different way. And everybody has different needs. Right. And I think the biggest goal is try to make sure everyone’s needs are met in the relationship, regardless of poly or not. So I’ve got a question on your
past experience, how did that shade your opinion on polyamory? And is it something that you would consider doing again?
Kim (19:13)
⁓ So again, I was lucky enough that they weren’t bad people. So I don’t have necessarily like a bad view of it. My experience just wasn’t great, you know, insofar as like distance and like I said, the oversharing, the not really having the boundaries set properly. So I think for a while I was definitely like, no, never again, not my thing.
But if you’re into it, that’s your digs. I’m not here to yuck your yum. You know what I mean? Like that’s not, that’s just not on me to do. Like I have no right to judge what works for you. Different strokes for different folks, right? So, but I have learned that like any relationships, there’s good people and bad people in that community. And I think finding the people, like the ones on this call that are open to sharing.
but are also not judgmental about it. Because there’s a lot of people who are like, it’s my way or the highway. There’s only one way to do it. And if you don’t like it, get off the boat. So.
Noah (20:06)
Yeah, yeah. And it sounds like in your experiences, you you felt like your your own boundaries were being disrespected in some way. Was there anything on your side that was difficult to deal with in a polyamorous relationship outside of that jealousy or anything like that?
Kim (20:25)
Luckily, I think because, especially with the first couple, they’re actually still in my life as friends, because we started as friends. I knew them through the goth community and all of that. So it wasn’t, that was like a time thing, and I think a distance thing. So I felt it was more like, okay, because you’re married and because you’ve got children.
and I was the single person that my schedule wasn’t taken into account as much. Like, well, I’m free, so you need to be free. It’s like, well, maybe I have a dentist appointment or maybe I just want a couch rot and I don’t want to leave my house. But the good thing was it wasn’t really a jealousy thing, I think, on my side. Maybe with the second couple, maybe the wife had some.
Noah (20:57)
Yeah.
Blake (20:57)
you
Kim (21:09)
Because again, like she wanted a play-by-play. I don’t know like how that was. I know that other partners they had, they kind of shared in some way. Like they were dating, both dating that partner. Whereas I was like, look, I like your wife. She’s a friend, but I, again, not my digs. Like I don’t want to sleep with your wife. And I don’t want to, because it just wasn’t comfortable for me. So luckily there was no pressure there.
but I think that made her more uncomfortable because I was just his partner. So she wanted, like he was constantly reassuring her while he was with me that everything was okay. And it’s like, okay, but you’re kind of supposed to be hanging out with me and not like, so it was more like on that where I’m like, okay, you need to respect the time that you’re giving to me as a partner. You know, it.
If your wife wants to hang out and watch a movie, then we’ll go watch a movie, but it’s not gonna be a date, you know? Like, she needs to kind of back off a little bit.
Noah (22:05)
Yeah, yeah, I think, uh, you know, the, making time for all of your partners, um, is probably one of the biggest struggles that I’ve seen and heard of in polyamory. Um, I, I heard a joke recently from someone that, uh, polyamory is really just a fetish for Google calendar. Um, but, uh, yeah, I, know, obviously
Blake (22:24)
You
Noah (22:29)
We all have our own needs and we all need to feel like we’re being observed and seen in our relationships. yeah, if we’re paying attention to other partners in the middle of that, there’s going to be some neglect for sure.
Sure. Craig, you raise your hand.
Craig (22:45)
Yeah. So let me start off by saying I respect everybody here and I hope I don’t stir the pot too much. ⁓ yeah, so everybody out there in the audience and podcast land, I grew up in a very traditional household. My mother and father were two peas in a pod and I saw them build a phenomenal relationship with love, partnership, and
Noah (22:52)
Stir it. Stir it.
Craig (23:10)
and friendship. And that’s how I crafted my belief around relationships. Then, you know, get out of college, lot of my friends and everyone’s starting to get married. And to me, it’s just following the course. You find that one special person, you make a pledge to them, and you ride out life together. You have bumps, you have challenges, but you work through it together as a team. Because nothing in life’s ever easy, right?
Then everybody I know who got married, no one’s happy, people are talking about divorced, getting divorced. Even I got a divorce, which I was the first one in my family that I know of to ever get.
And then, you know, I start talking to people like Alonzo and I’m here on this podcast and I go into it thinking that it’s really just dating for men that have become damaged. The game has changed for men. People have heard me talk about it in the past, but someone forgot to give us the new rule book. And then as I start to listen to everybody, I start to think, well, maybe people just have a lot of needs and they are
Blake (24:03)
you
Craig (24:11)
accepting enough or dynamic enough to bring people into that fold that fulfill those needs. But now, and I hope I don’t say anything wrong here to upset anybody, I’m just now coming to even a more belief that relationships are just dead. That things are just not the way they were and the traditional
way of a relationship is gone. Not that I’m holding anything against anybody. I’m very open-minded. I’m a very live-let-live person. But are we on the course where the traditional marriage, the typical family is extinct? I think it’s a valid question. What say you?
Noah (24:52)
It is a valid
question. A cupcake. You raised your hand. You want to tackle that
Cupcake (24:55)
No, it’s because… anyway. No, and I agree, yes, that relationships are changing and society has a lot to do with that and social media has a lot to do with that. But I also am in the belief that monogamous relationships were created for control via possibly government and, you know, stature and, you know,
Lana (24:56)
Yes.
Max (25:10)
Okay.
Cupcake (25:17)
land and whatever you want to call it. So is it really something that was supposed to be the norm? You don’t, you know, that’s an argument that we can, you know, be dead in the face arguing, but it’s… People have needs and I think a lot of… Can people have successful monogamous relationships and feel fulfilled? Sure, I’m never going to argue that that’s not the truth, but…
Max (25:24)
Thank
Cupcake (25:37)
The reality is there’s a lot of people that are living their lives never being fully fulfilled and never being fully themselves because they don’t even know that they’re missing those things or they’re, you know, never had the chance to experience them. I’ve been, you know, I grew up in the same conservative family that you might’ve been where there was a norm that was you were just supposed to meet a man, get married, a house, have kids.
and that’s what you were gonna do. And I felt that most of my life. It wasn’t until I started realizing something was different about me that I really even explored any of those things. I really do agree that that is changing and those relationships are changing, but it also didn’t mean that that was what was supposed to be our norm.
Craig (26:24)
So if I could just comment on that. Maybe you just actually solidified or you validated my thought. Society created what we believed was the correct type of relationship to have, but that was never the case in the first place. So now humanity is just evolving the way it always…
Cupcake (26:39)
Absolutely.
Craig (26:48)
was supposed to be, which is exactly the opposite of the way that at least I believe it was.
Cupcake (26:53)
We were taught.
percent.
Noah (26:56)
Yeah, Max, you got something to say.
Max (26:58)
So I was going to say at the core, it’s all the same. We’re doing the same things that we were doing 10 years ago, 100 years ago. It’s the labels that have changed. It’s the glasses that we view them through have changed. I mean, I hope that maybe the advancement is that we’re being more open about it. But I mean, you had these things back in the day. You had two people who married for convenience for
for land, for title or whatever, and each of them had their own love life on the side that the other knew about, and they were fine with it. And as long as the public didn’t find out, it was all good. And these are similar to what Polly is today. Hopefully, in my opinion, it’s more honest that we don’t care or we’ve been proud when other people find out because we all know and we have nothing to be ashamed about. And hopefully it’s nothing but then.
someone’s then worried about their government job or their something job that might get impacted because the public won’t understand. But I mean, the more we think things are getting worse or things are getting better, the more I always think it’s all the same stuff. It’s just another viewpoint and or we’re just getting older and we realize it’s all been happening.
Craig (28:07)
But Max, so you’re basically saying almost the same thing that Cupcake is saying, and I hope that people can understand the window that I’m looking out of, how sad that is. When you grow up with a belief, when you believe that Santa Claus is real, he’s really coming to your house, there’s a real being out there that knows if you’re naughty or nice, he’s coming to reward you, and then you find out that that’s false.
Blake (28:18)
you
Cupcake (28:29)
there.
Craig (28:35)
It’s heartbreaking.
Cupcake (28:37)
It’s sad to find out you’ve been lied to all your life. It is! I get it!
Max (28:38)
not but it’s not false. But so so
Craig (28:40)
Yeah, so, so thanks
Blake (28:40)
Yeah.
Craig (28:42)
everybody for crushing
Max (28:42)
but go but but let’s but let’s go the next step. It’s not false. Santa does exist but he’s not a person. He’s no no no let me finish before with the laughter. He’s he’s that kindness that everyone has that they express and that they do come together and that strangers will love each other and maybe they only do it one one time a year which is a little sad but that’s
That’s what Santa Claus really is. And yeah, he’s not a physical person that you can go and hug, but he’s that feeling and that idea is all real and is all from everybody else. And I think that that can be even greater, but sorry, yeah, he’s not a guy in red suit.
Craig (29:21)
Yeah, but Max, that’s a great justification. But what you’re really saying
is it’s the corporations that just want to sell more stuff on a certain day. I mean, I know that’s not what you’re saying, but that’s where it’s kind of going.
Max (29:31)
No, it’s not what I’m saying, but maybe that’s what you’re hearing.
I mean, it’s a season. It’s the season that families come together at the end of the year to celebrate a lot of good things. I mean, I’m raised Jewish, so Christmas and that stuff, was always a little, you know, I knew the reality of it before some of my classmates did.
Craig (29:51)
I
Max (29:52)
But there still is a magic in that time and in how people come together and treat each other. It’d be nice if they did it 365, but they don’t and it’s hard. mean, yeah, corporations try to sell you stuff, but selling the good message of it is good.
you know, treating each other with love and going out of your way for strangers and, you know, giving to those who deserve it or those who might not just don’t have, you know, those are all good things and we should do them more often, but they tend to especially do them in the name of the man in the red suit that doesn’t exist.
Craig (30:31)
I hear where you’re coming from and I appreciate the sentiment I do.
Noah (30:35)
All right, Ash, I’m going to give you the last word on this topic.
Ash (30:38)
So I feel like monogamy is still definitely a thing. What has definitely changed about society is like your parents as you were speaking of, like they married, they had kids. Like during that time though, people played a very particular role. The man worked, the woman stayed at home. Like nowadays, you know, the woman also works, the man also works to upkeep with the bills. There’s really not enough time for each other and that sort of dynamic can lead to, you know,
I’ve done marriage counseling before, like way back in the day, I’ve read these sort of books and there was, I think seven things that someone needs in a relationship to be happy. And when those things aren’t met, it’s what leads to infidelity and things like that. And with what a fast place society that we do live in now.
and how everyone is very either distracted by their phones, distracted by their jobs. It’s always a go, go, go pace. Like there’s very few days that you just get to wake up and enjoy a day with your family or enjoy a day with your partner unless you make that sort of time that it does lead to more ⁓ complications and monogamous relationships because they’re not gonna always have all their needs met, which leads to divorces and unhappiness and things like that. And I feel like with our community.
Being the way it is, you know, like I said, my partner isn’t always the most cuddly person and he doesn’t like watching TV for very long. He just falls asleep. He’s the worst to watch a movie with and it makes me feel some sort of way. So when I do have someone who can come sit in bed with me and binge watch a TV show that I really enjoy, it makes me feel fulfilled and not as lonely in an aspect that I would not be getting from my partner. So it makes it it makes our relationship in the long run way more solid because we’re not
feeling like we’re lacking somewhere. We don’t feel like we need to cheat or have wondering eyes or feel like, you know, our partner doesn’t care about us because they don’t want to do these things with us or they don’t have the time or the energy or the emotional standing for it. So I feel like it’s just a matter of like how not only society is, but how a household runs for a monogamy relationship to work the way it used to back in the day.
Noah (32:40)
Yeah, I think that’s a very good point. Yeah. And like you said, monogamy isn’t dead. you know, polyamory isn’t for everyone. And monogamy isn’t for everyone either. And I think one of the most probably difficult things to do in our society is trying to find what’s right for us in a world where we’ve decided, and I say the royal we that one solution monogamy is the way to go.
And I think with the advent of the internet and the more interconnected world, we have been able to share more of our thoughts with each other and it’s allowed us to explore a little bit more, a little more safely. And I we’re starting to learn that. But that doesn’t necessarily mean the old way is totally dead. It’s just not the only way anymore. That’s my opinion. Anyway, I do have to wrap up this one. We are out of time tonight.
I want to thank everyone for listening to the PolySolidColour podcast. I hope this conversation gave you a clearer picture of the many different forms of polyamory. It maybe even helped you discover which approaches resonate most with you. A big thanks to all of you for tuning in and being a part of the community. If you enjoyed the episode, don’t forget to follow, subscribe, or leave us a review. It really helps the show. I’m Noah, and it’s a pleasure hosting with all of you tonight. And until next time, keep communicating, keep growing, and keep.
loving each other. Good night, everybody.
Ash (33:57)
Bye.
Lana (33:58)
Good night.
Thank you.
Craig (33:58)
Hi.
Heather (33:59)
Good night.
Cupcake (33:59)
Bye!