This week’s PolySoCal conversation centered around gratitude — and it turned deeply personal fast. The group shared what they’re most thankful for in life, exploring how trauma, resilience, and identity shape the love we give and receive. Themes of healing from injury and illness, releasing grief, and supporting partners through transformation were woven throughout the night. It was a powerful reminder that community is most meaningful when vulnerability is welcome.
Guests talked openly about physical recovery, emotional growth, reshaping relationships, and gratitude for partners and chosen family. This episode highlights how personal evolution and non-traditional love structures often go hand-in-hand — with a community showing up for one another through every version of themselves.
Alonzo Banx , Max, Blake, Lana, Heather, Patty, Katerina, Jon, Beeb
Alonzo Banx (00:00)
Welcome back to a very full house of Polysocal Podcast. We’ve got a roundtable tonight with a Thanksgiving theme of what are you thankful for. We have got Patty, Katerina, John, Heather, Bea, Blake, Max and Lana in the house. So a whole lot of people tonight. Hi, everybody.
Katerina (00:08)
So, thank
Hello.
Lana (00:22)
Hello.
Beeb (00:23)
Hello.
Blake (00:23)
Hello.
Patty (00:24)
Hi.
Jon (00:24)
and
Max (00:24)
Hello,
Heather (00:24)
Bye!
Max (00:24)
hello.
Alonzo Banx (00:25)
So know what, let’s do the around the clock thing, but I’m gonna ask everyone to go kind of quick, because there are a lot of voices tonight. Lana, welcome back.
Lana (00:35)
hello, my name is Lana and I’m partner with Blake. We are together more than three years and we are exploring, we are exploring and expanding.
Alonzo Banx (00:47)
And we’re thrilled to have you tonight. Blake.
Lana (00:49)
Thank you.
Blake (00:50)
Yeah, I’m Lana’s partner, as she said a little over three years and going deeper and experiencing
Katerina (00:51)
you .
Blake (00:57)
new things. So very excited to be here.
Alonzo Banx (00:59)
Well,
good to have you back. Max, welcome.
Max (01:02)
Hey, I’m Max. I’m the single voice, well, a single voice, submissive, demisexual man who’s open to poly relationships.
Alonzo Banx (01:12)
And tonight we’ve got all four members of the core public here. Mr. Beebe, welcome back. It’s been a while since we’ve had you.
Beeb (01:19)
Hello, hello, yes, life has gotten away, so I haven’t been on much lately. I am married to Heather and dating Patty and John is my metamore.
Katerina (01:20)
Yeah.
Alonzo Banx (01:30)
It’s great to have you. Heather, good evening.
Heather (01:34)
Hi, I’m Heather, married to the Beavers, newly engaged to the Pattycake, and dating John, living my best life, yeah.
Alonzo Banx (01:43)
Patty.
Patty (01:43)
Hi, I’m Patty. I am married to John. I’m dating Beeb and I’m engaged to Heather.
Alonzo Banx (01:49)
And with that, we’ll skip on over to John.
Jon (01:51)
Oh my goodness. My name is John. I am married to Patty. am dating Heather. Bebe is my metamorph. And I’m not sure if we’ve mentioned on this podcast yet or not, but we have been referring to ourselves as the QE. So in case you want to shorten it and make it easy, you can always call us the QE.
Katerina (01:57)
you
Alonzo Banx (02:10)
The QE.
I like it. You know, for people who don’t know you guys to hear every week, I’m with this person and then that person. It’s got to get confusing. Katharina, welcome back. It’s good to have you here.
Patty (02:12)
quantum entanglement
Katerina (02:22)
Well, thank you. My name is Katarina. I have a couple partners and practice poly for about the past five years.
Alonzo Banx (02:28)
back. So this week is Thanksgiving week. think we’ve all had we had our friends giving up here last weekend and this week was kind of quiet for me but I know y’all had a bunch of family thanksgivings which brings up tonight’s question. What are you thankful for? What things have happened in your life to to shape you to bring you into this world to to make life better?
Who wants to jump on that for me?
John, you’re up pretty quick.
Jon (02:54)
I’m gonna get it out of the way, right? Two things, I mean, besides all of the obvious, know, like I love my partners, my QE, besides all of that obvious stuff, perhaps. I am very thankful for the size of your shower at the Friendsgiving. That was fantastic. And then I was kind of thinking about this, but I really am.
thankful for all of the All of the times that I said yes to something like you’re you had mentioned earlier about you know, kind of wanted to talk about life changing things and stuff whatever things that have really impacted your life and there’s moments in my life when I just Decided to throw caution to the wind and said yes to whatever it could be a new job of something I’ve never done before or it could be a whole career change or
Katerina (03:26)
you
Jon (03:41)
connecting with somebody or just a whole number of different things.
Katerina (03:44)
you
Jon (03:44)
And it always seems like any time that I decide to jump into an adventure, it turns into something greater than what I’d hoped, including the first time that we came up to ⁓ your location there.
Alonzo Banx (03:57)
You know, as you get older, you understand better the statement of, regret more the things in life that I didn’t do than the things that I did. Mr. Beaver, see you got your hand up here. Jump in, please.
Katerina (04:10)
you
Beeb (04:10)
So I’d like to say I’m most thankful for the love and support that I get from all my partners. So much so, I was supposed to go do Thanksgiving with my brother and I opted to rather go to John and Patty’s house because it felt more right.
Alonzo Banx (04:27)
That’s very cool. You guys, like I said, I love having the four of you on the podcast because this podcast is about how to do poly right. And from every external indication, you guys do a really good job at that.
Katerina (04:37)
Thanks.
Alonzo Banx (04:41)
Who else? Anyone got anything for me?
Max (04:43)
Sure.
Alonzo Banx (04:43)
I see you, Blake, but Max, you already started talking. ahead.
Max (04:45)
So, mine comes a little out of left field, but actually I was running down first base line. am thankful I broke my ankle. the actual injury itself. Yeah. It wasn’t fun, but, ⁓ through all the medical crap and them finding cancer and then cutting the cancer out and beating it, I’ve just kind of gained a new perspective on life and I don’t let the little things stop me from doing things.
Katerina (04:50)
Okay.
Max (05:10)
I’ve seen more old friends probably in the past couple of months than I have in the past 10 years. And a lot of that is just from like not waiting anymore. You know, you just, reach out, someone doesn’t have time this week, that week, you just keep plugging away and not getting caught up in the, they’re not getting back to me. guess they don’t want to hang out or this or that everyone’s just caught up in their own stuff. And I don’t have time to give a shit anymore because you just kind of reminded that
we’re only on this planet for so long and I want to do things. want to experience things. want to meet people. want to spend time with good friends, you know, and you just got to do what you can and what doesn’t happen and falls through it falls through. But I’m thankful kind of for this, I guess, reset in how I want to look at life and how I want to take things. You know, I could.
Katerina (05:44)
you
.
Max (05:58)
could be bummed. I broke my ankle. mean, my foot, I’m still
Katerina (06:00)
you
Max (06:02)
rehabilitating it. It’s, almost a year later, but at the same time, it’s like, you know, you want to look at the good things. I mean, if I hadn’t broken my ankle, they wouldn’t have found the cancer. Who knows how long it would have gone until they had found it. And as many people here know that earlier you find it, the better and easier they can treat it. And so, you know, it just, yeah, you know, let’s, let’s spend the time we have here, doing things we want to do.
Alonzo Banx (06:25)
Great, John, I see you, but Max, for those listening who don’t know you, you didn’t break your ankle. Breaking your ankle is the understatement of the year.
Max (06:31)
Ha ha ha ha!
Katerina (06:34)
you
Jon (06:36)
you
Blake (06:36)
Mm-hmm.
Max (06:36)
mean yeah so it was an avulsion fracture basically the back half of the ankle bone got flipped backwards the skin around it died I have four titanium screws the flap surgery where they transplant
Jon (06:44)
Thank you.
Katerina (06:48)
you
Max (06:50)
on one of your own muscles yeah it was yeah it was it was kind of brutal
Alonzo Banx (06:53)
Yeah, that’s not quite breaking your ankle. John, John, did you have something quicker? So to let Blake go first.
Jon (06:54)
Thank
Blake (06:56)
Yeah.
Max (06:56)
I mean, technically.
Jon (07:00)
I was just gonna really mention real quick. I had a sort of a similar experience with my burn I learned so much more about myself from my burn than than any kind of feeling of loss, but yeah, I’m in the same boat
Alonzo Banx (07:12)
Patty, see you want, but Blake, you were waiting. Jump on, please.
Katerina (07:12)
So.
Blake (07:15)
So, know, I found myself thinking about, know, this person, that person, the other person, this molecule, this couple, these people. And then I kind of thought, well, what’s the underlying theme here? And I would say it’s every single person and couple and molecule that we meet, that everybody we learn something from, everybody we’re, you know, we’re inspired by things that people do. We
Katerina (07:39)
So
Blake (07:39)
say, that’s really cool. We want to do some of that or
wow, look what they’re doing, you know. And so we’re constantly bringing in new ideas from all the different people we meet. And I feel really, really thankful about that. And the other thing I really especially wanted to be sure to mention is that of all the events and things that have brought us together, and know, the teacher who, through whom Lana and I met, but the…
Katerina (07:45)
.
Blake (08:05)
you know, going to your events is a very meaningful experience. And the reason is that it’s so personalized that by the time that you have done your homework and you’ve prepared something to present to the group about your partner and your partner’s done the same for you, and then all the other really thoughtful events that get you thinking about, what am I really about here? What am I doing? And what are we doing? And what’s next for us? And with all the play and all of that,
Katerina (08:06)
. .
Blake (08:32)
You know, I gotta say, you know, Alonzo I’m tremendously thankful for the opportunity and for all the people that have been involved in this as well.
Katerina (08:35)
Okay.
Alonzo Banx (08:40)
Thank you. Thank you very much. Okay, Patty, you’ve been waiting.
Patty (08:45)
Thank you. I agree with Blake on that. Alonzo knows and we’ve had conversations about what his events have done for John and I in our relationship, unexpectedly bringing us closer together. So that is something we will always be grateful for. I think, you know,
I think all of us can say we’re grateful for our partners and there’s always different reasons. For me, I am watching, I’m gonna try not to cry, but I’m gonna cry. I am watching my relationships heal me. The childhood I had was really something out of a horror movie.
Like it was, it was really, really bad and I did a lot of work through it. I, I’ve learned to be my own person, ⁓ but there are certain things that you don’t realize you needed to heal from until people come into your life. And I am watching Heather and Bebe do that for me and the impact that it is ⁓ for me is ⁓ astronomical.
Katerina (09:34)
So, I’m going to
Patty (09:52)
I’m also so grateful that I am watching the people that
Katerina (09:54)
presentation.
Patty (09:57)
I attribute to being alive on this planet slowly fade away at a rapid pace and how like on the one hand how Precious time is and how sad I feel about it. But at the same time I have
you know, John and Heather and Bebe that have never once said, God, Patty, you just keep going on and on and on about this or, you know, you need to think about something else or this or that. They’ve always been compassionate and they’ve like, really, I feel like they’re the reason that my head is above water. Most days, when things get heavy, they lighten it for me.
Katerina (10:38)
Okay.
Patty (10:42)
Heather makes me laugh and ⁓ constantly, and it just makes me feel like, my God, that’s the childhood I didn’t get, is Heather. Heather and I laughing in a gas station bathroom, stupidly about silly things that everybody else can hear us, you know, and be horse playing with me and providing me that
Katerina (11:01)
Okay.
Patty (11:05)
stability of I could be myself and he’s not gonna leave, you know?
and John’s like my foundation. around this time, I always reflect on what I have. I’m also in recovery and I am grateful for my best friend that brought me there because I wasn’t, I’m lucky to be here and I’m incredibly grateful to be here and to transform on a daily basis.
Katerina (11:19)
Okay.
Thank
Alonzo Banx (11:28)
You say you’re lucky to be here. think we’re all lucky to have you.
And there’s a lot of nodding, smiling faces right now agreeing with that. Thank you for sharing that with us.
on it.
Lana (11:38)
So I could not agree with Blake and Patti. I’m so thankful for all people around me and around us. And also I’m very thankful for Tantra community. More than 10 years ago, I said yes to events. I said yes to teachers. I said yes to learning something which I did not even know it exists.
Katerina (11:44)
Okay. So, I’m to turn it over to and I’m it to and and I’m turn it to you, and I’m over and I’m to and
you, and going going
Lana (12:04)
to just help my marriage to survive,
which did not survive. I did everything what I could. And I’m thankful for all my husbands. it’s, I learned from them too. I did not save my marriages and I learned something new. Tantra events just show me, me, just that light who I can be by not pretending anything, not hiding anything, not.
proven at the chase. And this attitude after my ankle was injured, I met Blake and now more than three years we are partners in crimes, just enjoying life and enjoying events together, which is absolutely different quality of time. every time when we are trying to do something new,
Katerina (12:37)
Thank you. Okay.
Lana (12:55)
It’s like a kids on the playground and it’s Tantra community. How I see all these people, it’s adults playing and just
goofing around and just not pretending who they are not. Just who they are dancing and jumping and laughing and sometimes it’s serious conversation. And the truth and that just raw selves, people when they just presenting who they are.
and lots of love, which is available. Love is infinity. You are given more life, you are getting more love, and it’s like an infinity process. I’m thankful for that, the loving hugs and love which we can create. St. Diego is the Mecca of Tantra. I’m so glad for every teacher who I met during my 10 years of…
Katerina (13:28)
Okay.
Lana (13:52)
just experimenting with lifestyle. Thank you.
Alonzo Banx (13:55)
You you bring up the Tantra lifestyle quite a bit in that. Maybe that’s something we need to explore one night because I don’t know if everyone even on this call understands what that means. There’s a lot of misunderstanding and misinformation about some of those programs. Thank you for sharing that. I think it’s something we have to at some point delve into a whole lot deeper. Heather? You haven’t talked to us yet tonight.
Katerina (14:16)
Okay. Thank
Heather (14:19)
I know I was gonna see if you would just miss me and then like I wouldn’t have to Okay, so I would like to start off that this year I’m very thankful for the show with a podcast. I have a very restrictive schedule and this show podcast, however you want to call it
Patty (14:24)
you
Lana (14:24)
I’m a beast now.
Heather (14:41)
has kept me connected to the community.
even when I’ve been unable to go to events. So thank you Alonzo. The other thing I would like to share is my son passed away four years ago and I’ve been doing a lot of work on myself just this past year actually. It’s been a journey and I go to the gym a lot with one of my really good
Friends and she ends up giving me a book called when a child dies It’s actually a really sad book really heavy I read it begrudgingly But it gave a lot of really good advice and I just through therapy and after reading the book I decided to let go a lot of my grief associated with my son’s passing and the second I
Katerina (15:17)
.
Okay.
Heather (15:26)
took that, I’m going to label my grief like a backpack that I would wear on my back every day. The second I decided to take that backpack off and open it up for everyone to see,
Katerina (15:27)
Okay.
Heather (15:39)
it was like a weight lifted off me and I became a better person emotionally and for my partners. And so I’m thankful for my partners that they supported me in my journey of
just self healing. So I’m really thankful that I have Beeb and Patty and John to help me through that.
Alonzo Banx (15:59)
You clearly have a very loving polygual. yeah, it’s getting through pain can be hard. We’ll talk about that a little bit more in minute. But I want to get to Keterine, who haven’t really given you a chance to say much tonight.
Katerina (16:12)
In a way, I’m grateful for I guess death in a way like the the idea of for 22 years I was in a monogamous marriage and a wife and three kids and a construction company and It felt like the talking heads think I looked around one day at my house my cars my success and I thought like This is not my beautiful life. This is not my beautiful wife. How did I get here? and so I transitioned and
first person I met was a woman on Tinder who is a poly coach, has written books on poly, and is a tantra teacher and co-founded this world’s largest ⁓ school for sexual healing. And I have a history of sexual trauma. so I got really heavy into that work, ⁓ became a tantrika, got ordained in all these things. And past several years I’ve been working in that field and getting rid of sexual shame.
being introduced to the sex positive community, helping other people, and really living a principle-based life. And what I found is ultimately I ended up challenging the school based on principles of continuing to harm students and not making the changes they could to reduce harm. And it took me into about a year long, I almost had ⁓ PTSD over the fight with them and losing.
the one community I felt like I had left. And what I found is every time I feel like I’m aligned with something else, something outside myself, it changes the way I view things and it changes my perception, it changes how I move. And really, feel like Polly is such a great example of living by principles and creating the life of your dreams with another, but based on just what seems right and what’s ethical and fair.
I never really had to go it completely alone, but in a way, in that sense, it’s like, that’s what I needed was to figure out for myself what’s the life that I want, what’s ethical and fair to me. So actually, in a way, just allowing for change, know, allowing for change really made me be grateful. I was so shy as a kid that I never changed my hairstyle.
I had never laughed in public until I was 48, 49 years old. And now I laugh all the time and I sing and I dance and I don’t consider it making a fool of myself, consider it just being myself. Which is great. Change, the winds of change.
Alonzo Banx (18:17)
Thank you. Yeah, I grew up cripplingly shy myself. I can relate to that part. You know, one of the things that surprises me hearing everyone talk tonight, and I didn’t think this is where we’re going to go. Almost everyone is thankful. What you brought up is being thankful for overcoming pain. Thankful for having gotten through something traumatic. Thankful for having got through in Max’s case, a broken leg.
their ankle. I think it’s an interesting twist. How much do you think that your thanks is based on your ability to have made it through some dark times? Is that a fair statement?
Anyone? Patty, go ahead.
Katerina (18:56)
My dad If I was gonna go again, I had as a really strange dad he had war PTSD Feliciano 30s in Vietnam And all grown up from the age of five six seven eight. He was talking about quantum physics Standing up to bullies. I think he was afraid I was gonna be a queer kid. I don’t know where he got that idea and Told me how to fight at a young age. Tell me how to just and it’s it’s I think that resilience of
Max (19:13)
Thank
Katerina (19:18)
Being able to be like that tree that you see out there on the, it’s growing in the middle of a rock somewhere. Just the ability to keep going and keep going. I feel like that’s really important in life to be able to get back on the horse and continue to persevere. it’s like almost everybody I met who’s successful, they were almost about to give up and then they tried one more time and succeeded. And I can’t imagine what my life would be like if I hadn’t just persevered at critical times.
Yeah, never give up. Have the fist that says, hold fast like that. Yeah, the ability to just persevere and keep going because life has some dark times. But in the end, it’s still a beautiful life. And sometimes the dark times are…
Jon (19:45)
you
Alonzo Banx (19:54)
Definitely does. And for those
for those who can’t see the screen, Heather was just holding up a tattoo she has that says Heather, what does it say?
Heather (20:02)
That’s a tattoo that says never give up.
Alonzo Banx (20:04)
Petty, you had something you wanted to add.
Patty (20:06)
I think I cannot speak for anyone else, but I think for me when I’m in the thick of pain, it’s really hard to see out past that. And then once I am past it, the amount of growth that I do from that is something that I really hold on to. And there was a saying that, you know, if you guys all
didn’t know John severely burned himself in 2012 and the trauma that caused our family was just devastating for us. people would come up and say, well, everything happens for a reason. And I hated that. I hate that because no, everything doesn’t. But what we’ve gotten from that.
experience. If we could go back to that day, would we try to undo that situation? Absolutely. But what we got from that has just been crazy. We grew closer together as a family. We addressed mental health things within our family. There were so many gifts that we were given along the way. It doesn’t make up for the trauma, but
Katerina (21:11)
Okay.
Okay.
Patty (21:15)
⁓ When you tend to look at things from a standpoint of being grateful for what you have,
when you’re given those little nuggets, those little gifts, those sometimes bring a little glimmer of light into a space where it’s dark.
Alonzo Banx (21:30)
Max, I see you, I’m going to let John reply first. John, go ahead.
Jon (21:34)
I was just gonna kind of add on to Patty’s comments there about You know like the burn and challenges and stuff, whatever. I think for me it’s always been about having the right sort of attitude about challenges So when you’re faced with something that’s feels a little bit insurmountable or a lot insurmountable How you manage it how you get through it and how you survive it? ⁓ teaches you a lot about yourself and you can take the good and
or you can take the bad or both, guess. I don’t know, for me, I focused as much as I could on the good things. I have a lovely scar now, but that’s really the only thing I took from it that is of value in terms of the bad side of things. I now know a lot more about my tolerance for pain and I’m less scared of more minor pain things. I was always worried about getting punched in the head.
Max (22:13)
Thank
Jon (22:23)
And I think I can handle that now. I ever am in a situation where somebody needs to punch me in the head, I’m not too worried about it as much. yeah, I just wanted to that.
Blake (22:27)
Ha ha ha.
Alonzo Banx (22:32)
Blake, Max, see,
John, you preempted my next question, which we’ll get to in a minute. But it was going to be, what did you do to put yourself in a position that you could move up to being thankful? But hey, thanks for answering the question before I asked it. But before we get there, Max, Blake, you both had your hands up. Max, go ahead, please.
Blake (22:36)
you
Jon (22:46)
Yeah, no problem.
Max (22:51)
Yeah, I guess that whole, ⁓ what Patty was talking about and people, they say to you and to me, it’s just, it’s how we respond to when we’re being knocked down. And I’m not thinking, you know, whatever knocks us down, like it was going to be something eventually, but you know, what, what do we do? How do we respond? How do we deal with getting back up and what we want to do when we get back up? And when we finally make a breakthrough for whatever reason and do
you know, start to deal with our family trauma, start to start to check things off the bucket list, start to, you know, for me, it’s been a lot of I’m more willing to, you know, plan vacations, go on vacations, do things, meet people, see people, you know, say yes to things that I would before be very over analytical about. And it would take me forever to decide what I want to do. And now it’s like, well, hey, let’s just try shit and see what happens.
Jon (23:43)
You
Max (23:44)
⁓
and I just feel like I’m living life more and that’s how I responded to being knocked down. I’m not like, I’d prefer to have a good ankle that, that I was not still rehabbing. prefer to have not needed to have kidney cancer. but you know, that was what happened to me and, and it’s the dealing with it in a positive way that I’m, guess, really, really thankful for.
Alonzo Banx (24:03)
Bye.
Blake (24:04)
Well, so speaking to the idea of overcoming hardships, being thankful for that, I would say that specifically within the lifestyle, what I’m really most thankful for is the ability to overcome triggers. And a very, very big part of my growth in the lifestyle in the last three years has been a matter of identifying my triggers and then figuring out one by one with Lana’s help how to transform those triggers. So at this point, my biggest triggers
⁓ are actually like kinks for me. I mean, I actually get turned on by the things that triggered me. And the reason for that is that there’s an emotional connection to a trigger. And so when you can take that emotional connection and you can switch it from a fear to like to something really life affirming, it’s very exciting. So I’m super thankful for my triggers. And I’ve even been I’ve been writing a novel and there’s a character that represents my triggers. His name is Gimmie Dew. And he shows up anytime that I’m
the main character is dealing with some kind of a situation. So it’s all about making friends with Gamidu.
Alonzo Banx (25:08)
Go ahead, Rona.
Lana (25:09)
just want to add, long time ago, 25 plus, I saw the sign, attitude is everything. And I’m so thankful for that sign. And for me to just deal with Blake’s triggers and be patient and just love him who he is and just create safe space for him to love his triggers and just transform his triggers.
that attitude from choice, I can just be part of his storm or not. I can just be hurting inside so much or just be calm and hold space for him. I’m so thankful for that abilities and we are thriving, we are committed to thriving and we are doing it. I’m so thankful for our relationship as well. Thank you.
Alonzo Banx (25:58)
And
having known you guys for a while, you are thriving and it’s pretty awesome to watch. Okay, so I was going to ask the question of, you know, so what do we do to, you know, bring on the thankfulness? And I’m going to ask it a little different way. What actions did you take when you were down that allowed these transitions
Katerina (26:04)
Okay.
Alonzo Banx (26:20)
that brought you to the point where you could be thankful. I didn’t expect this conversation to go this way tonight. Clearly, everyone has experienced issues and they’re thankful for the way they got over them, but it didn’t happen in a vacuum. You allowed it, you welcomed it, you made that transition. And I’m now talking to the people in our audience who are at that low point.
Katerina (26:41)
Okay.
Alonzo Banx (26:42)
who need to get to the point where they can look back and be thankful for having overcome the
traumas in their life.
I see you Heather. Patty had her hands up, Patty.
Patty (26:53)
I think in my experience, I would say about 10 years ago when I decided to become sober was ⁓ I would go to meetings regularly. And I know this is not a polyamorous discussion, but it is something that has been profound for me in my life in that I was always focused on the negative.
Katerina (26:59)
Okay.
Patty (27:15)
and when one thing was resolved, I would focus on the next thing that was troubling me and then so on and so on. When I started going into recovery, they were regularly talking about what they have that they’re grateful for and it was something that I had to become repetitive in my mind. What do I have? What am I grateful for?
And when I started doing that on a daily basis, even on the days that I struggled with it, my experiences in life started to change because no longer was I focused on everything that was bad, I was focused on everything that was good. And that was huge for me. I still fall back to the stuff that I struggle with, but then I’m easily able to pick myself up.
Katerina (27:42)
So.
Patty (28:02)
like that attitude of gratitude that everybody goes on and on about. I didn’t understand what that was because I
just kept feeling like I was being slammed with all these bad things. The reason that was happening for me was because I wasn’t focused on the right things. I wasn’t focused on everything that I did have. And it can be something so minute like, thank you for this piece of chicken today. Thanks that I woke up today, blah, blah. But when you start where
training your mind to do that, your experience in life becomes brighter. And for me,
Katerina (28:36)
So,
Patty (28:37)
that was just so huge for me.
Alonzo Banx (28:40)
I think that’s a great piece of advice. It works. Heather, you had something you want to say?
Heather (28:44)
yeah, I would say my advice for someone would be whatever your challenge is, think of it at the top of the stairs. And what, what is your next step? Just think of whatever your challenge is and then break it down into steps and then just think about that one individual step instead of the whole problem. that seems to help me a lot.
thinking about the smaller things that need to happen before the bigger thing can be resolved.
Alonzo Banx (29:12)
I always use an analogy of you build a pyramid one brick at a time. That all you have to think about is placing that next brick. And if you just think about the next brick, ultimately you end up building the pyramid. If you try to build it all at once, man, that just doesn’t work. You just got to focus on that next brick. Beb, you’ve been way too quiet tonight, sir.
Heather (29:19)
Mm-hmm.
Beeb (29:34)
So I didn’t open with, or am I thankful for any pain that I did get over or anything, my son’s junior year of high school, he’s now, he graduated last year. He missed his junior year because he got ⁓ cancer in his throat. So it got so big to where the reason we found out is because during PE, he couldn’t breathe when he was running. He felt like he was breathing through a straw.
So for me having my people to be there for me and believe it or not, just take it slow and have faith in our medical system and that the doctors know what they’re doing to get you through that, it helped a lot. He’s now cancer free for a little over a year now, so he’s doing good.
Alonzo Banx (30:18)
That’s awesome. It’s awesome that he’s doing better. That’s a heck of a story. Max, what do you think about our medical system and having faith in it?
Jon (30:27)
You
Max (30:27)
Yeah. I guess it’s kind of something my, ⁓ plastic surgeon, you know, cause I had to have work done. when she said to me when I was, you know, I was having a hard time dealing with a lot of things and I had a lot of doctors and a lot of different nurses come in and there are all those different tests going on. And I had so many different tubes coming out of me when I was recovering. And sometimes she’s like, you just have to trust.
Patty (30:29)
Thank
Max (30:52)
in the people that are doing their job. Trust that the people know what they’re doing. mean, at the same time, was a little bit of, and remember to advocate for yourself within the confines of what you’re supposed to be advocating for, which was a little tough for me. Like for my ankle, it was strange in that I was in a bed and I wasn’t allowed to move.
And the nurses are used to making someone who’s bedridden move. but I was like, no, I’m not supposed to like I can, but I’m not supposed to. so it was tough, but yeah, it was a lot of. Taking, taking, taking all the little victories that you can and waiting until, you know, you can look back and realize that all those little victories added up. but in the moment it’s hard. just looking to get to that next hour. ⁓ sometimes I was, you know, counting down.
Katerina (31:27)
Okay.
Max (31:39)
counting down the minutes until the next round of medication. So yeah, when you’re in it, it can be awful, but just remember you’re going to make it to the next day, to the next week, to the next month. And then you’re going able to look back at a chunk
of time and see some real progression. And yeah, our medical people know what they’re doing. The surgeons, when they have no time for you, that’s the best because that means you’re doing good.
Alonzo Banx (32:01)
If they’re ignoring you, you’re okay. Ms. Lana, what do you have to say about that this week?
Blake (32:04)
Thank
Lana (32:08)
⁓ I recently just had experience. was emergency surgery. was just out. I planned in a couple of months. Planned everything and unfortunately it’s happened. And fortunately I’m recovering. What I learned from last 10 in the hospital, I’m who I am and I made friends with all my nurses.
When I was discharging from the hospital, one nurse said, is it okay to get your phone number? I will not stay in touch with you. So it’s my experience and I am who I am and I love all people who were taking care of me. And when Blake came to pick me up, I said, okay, okay, wait, let me just at least do thank you letters for them. And he was…
He came with three, said, no, me give you another, let me get another two. So I’m very thankful. So it’s good to have medical system which you can trust. And my last experience, I just trusted, nothing else. Thank you.
Alonzo Banx (33:13)
very glad that you got through everything okay. Heather, you raised your hand and put it back down real quick. And I’m not letting you off the hook. You had something you were gonna say.
Lana (33:18)
Thank
Jon (33:22)
you
Heather (33:22)
I
had something to say, but then Max nailed it, so I put my hand back down.
Alonzo Banx (33:26)
You
Blake (33:28)
you
Heather (33:29)
Yeah, well, you just said like everyone’s advocating for the medical field blah blah blah. They’re great Yeah, there are some great nurses some great doctors out there, but there’s also a lot of shitty ones dumb ones lazy ones ⁓ So Mac said advocate for yourself if you need something say something don’t just have 100 % blind trust I have a lot a lot of experience in the medical field and Just advocate for yourself
Max (33:43)
Thank
Katerina (33:43)
So, I’m going start by saying, I’m going to start by saying that have very important important community. And I’m start that we have important community. And I’m start by that
Heather (33:58)
If it’s something really really serious do your research. There’s FDA trials There’s shit you can do so don’t accept you have six months to live. Good luck. Bye So just do do your research. Not
Katerina (33:58)
we have a very community. And I’m start by we have a community. And I’m to that And And
Heather (34:12)
everyone knows everything get a second opinion
Alonzo Banx (34:16)
I want to add on to that when I had
Katerina (34:17)
Thank
Alonzo Banx (34:17)
my surgery, I was incredibly fortunate to have a partner who I refer to as my pit bull, who made sure to be in every meeting, who made sure to hold every doctor accountable. And for five days when I wasn’t allowed to move, was there every second of the day to make sure that everyone took care of things. And I think that lays
Katerina (34:31)
Okay.
Alonzo Banx (34:39)
heavily into our experience in Pali is I have an old saying I’ve used many times, pogo sticks on water suck. Right? If you put all your weight on one little spot, you’re guaranteed to sink. But when you spread that weight out around multiple places, like a water strider, which is that little bug that walks on top of the water, you can do that because you don’t ever put that much weight on any one spot.
Being in a poly relationship allows you to kind of spread that weight out around a number of people, which gives you a much stronger support system. I’m to go around one last time. Mr. Beebe, I’m going to put you on the fire tonight. You’re the one who’s going to encapsulate and us out of the show tonight. So you’re going to be up last. Lana? What do think of what we’ve talked about so far tonight, Lana?
Katerina (35:07)
you
Beeb (35:23)
Okay.
Jon (35:26)
You
Alonzo Banx (35:28)
How does it strike you and have you learned anything about the people in our group tonight?
Lana (35:33)
I love everybody and each of you guys and I learned every podcast something new. today, attitude of gratitude, was just the whole show it was about gratitude. I’m very grateful for this. Thank you so much.
Alonzo Banx (35:49)
I it’s pretty awesome. I didn’t expect tonight’s the other way it did. Everyone’s given the love fingers by the way, Delana, but those of you at home. Blake, you’re up next. What do you got to say?
Blake (35:59)
Well, you know, I just happened to take a note of one thing that someone said and it was John who said that he’s thankful for times he said yes to some.
Alonzo Banx (36:08)
Thank you. So let’s get to John.
Jon (36:10)
⁓ jeez.
I was a little surprised to see how much pain we jumped into on this call and stuff. So that was a tough one. yeah, that’s the only surprise I got from it. Glad I could at least contribute to that conversation. appreciate everybody’s sort of.
Katerina (36:14)
you
Jon (36:28)
level of depth that they went into this and stuff, whatever, it’s really heavy.
Alonzo Banx (36:31)
I think what came through is one of things you’re most thankful for is coming out the other side of pain. But Heather, you threw your hand up in the middle there.
Heather (36:39)
I was gonna bounce off a John there. It’s because Alonzo limited us. Yeah. That’s why I got more raw. We all had to get creative.
Jon (36:45)
I’m
Blake (36:46)
Yeah.
Alonzo Banx (36:47)
I don’t like that furry.
Patty (36:50)
you
Jon (36:51)
That’s all we have.
Blake (36:55)
the
Jon (36:55)
Outside of the love we have for each other, this is just pain. It’s all pain and suffering and survival.
Max (36:59)
You ⁓
Alonzo Banx (37:02)
Okay, okay. In my defense, I asked everyone not to make an entire show of seeing how thankful they are for their partners. Because it would have just been a 45-minute love fest of everyone being thankful for their partner tonight, especially with the whole college here on.
Jon (37:08)
Yeah.
you
Blake (37:16)
Mm-hmm
Max (37:18)
Hey, I wouldn’t be able to be thankful for my non-existent partner.
Jon (37:18)
Thank
Alonzo Banx (37:21)
You
Heather (37:22)
Yeah
Blake (37:22)
you
Alonzo Banx (37:23)
Katarina, please jump in.
Katerina (37:25)
I’m thankful for the times I’ve been on my knees and I don’t mean that in dating when I do but I don’t it’s uh, like the first you know when I was 23 I had it was a really just raging alcoholic and I went into court and I don’t know is something reached in and said I’ll never have a desire to drink again. That was 31 years ago and before I did uh, I did this my first haunter treat I had a big awakening but not
nothing like the second one. After my first one, I was just on this high. My life was just perfect. Felt like, and then all of sudden, like three people broke up with me at once and I was, I’ve never been dumped in my life. It’s like, no way. And I just felt like I was at a low point and I was about to quit the whole thing. And I went into, in the second Tondra retreat, went to, I did this ritual, insider ritual of just marrying myself as energy and giving myself to the of to the collective and being led by intention.
And I had this huge awakening, seven hours. And I mean, four and a half years later, not a day has gone by that I don’t have random orgasms throughout the day. And I’m thankful for that. And it’s just, my life has transformed. And it’s like, every time I’ve had a transformation, it’s been because I was on my knees and I was about to give up. And a part of me was willing to let go and release and essentially,
kind of die in order to be reborn. This phoenix cycle of going into a chrysalis and finding rebirth in that and letting go. It seems like the basis of spirituality is a willingness to change and a willingness for one thing to leave and something else to emerge. So I’m grateful for the bad times and the willingness to adapt, be malleable.
Alonzo Banx (38:54)
Thank you. Patty, you jumped in on that.
Patty (38:57)
I think one of the things that I take away from tonight for me is the level of vulnerability that everybody shares. That is something that I’m truly, truly grateful for because it is one thing to really just get up here and say, I’m thankful for my partners. I’m thankful for my house. I’m thankful. But when you really get up here and have like really heavy in-depth discussions about things that are really, really
meaningful, I always take something away from that. And I feel like most people can grasp onto something that somebody has said and whether that’s intentional or not, you know, in recovery, that is true for me, you have somebody come in and they just share their pain and then it will resonate with me in such a way that I have a takeaway of a positive thing.
Katerina (39:31)
Thank you.
Patty (39:45)
For me, that’s so impactful. when they were sharing, they weren’t intending to impact me in any way. They just needed to get something off their chest. And so whenever I have a conversation with somebody and they share something really heavy for them, there’s always something that I take away from that. And one of the big things I take away is if they are vulnerable with me, that gives me the freedom to do the same. I can just be my whole self.
and the other is I will learn something from them. And it creates a shared bond. And for me, that’s impactful. I hate just, how’s the weather? How’s this and that in small talk? I don’t like small talk. I wanna know people. And so I always love the topic of gratitude for that reason.
Max (40:25)
you
Alonzo Banx (40:33)
I think that’s awesome. One of things you touched on there that I probably do a talk on one night. For me, it’s really important that people open up to me before I can come back. You have to have that reciprocity. You have to have that ability to have them open up in you. Max, don’t worry, B, we’re coming to you. Max, do you got for me?
Max (40:51)
Yeah. I mean, just the main thing for me that it’s been is, ⁓ you know, seizing opportunities, not, not, not waiting for tomorrow anymore. Cause I think the, it’s kind of, it’s kind of from a star check episode, but one of the things that makes humanity human’s human is our lives end. And, ⁓ if, if we lived forever, we would have a way different perspective and we don’t. And when we get reminded of that.
Katerina (41:11)
Okay.
Max (41:16)
I think we try to live a little bit more because we know our time is
fleeting.
Alonzo Banx (41:20)
You know, as we brought up in last week’s conversation, your perspectives change as we age. Mr. Beebe, take us out tonight. What are the thoughts for this evening?
Beeb (41:31)
So my takeaway from tonight was that how everyone was so much deeper in what they’re thankful for. It wasn’t just the surface, like everyone else said, I’m thankful for my house, thankful for my partner. Yeah, everyone’s thankful for that. But there’s, at some level, there’s something that’s a lot deeper that you are actually thankful for that people are afraid to say.
You know, it’s, an uncomfortable talk. It’s not something not everyone is used to saying and bringing up those feelings and putting them out in the open.
Alonzo Banx (41:59)
Yeah, I think you hit it really well right there is when we talk about the things that we are truly thankful for, it’s not always an easy conversation. Alana, Blake, Max, Bebe, Heather, John, Katerina, Patty, thank you for yet again another absolutely amazing night. What am I thankful for? An absolutely incredible community that comes together every Sunday night and has these conversations with me. I love you guys. You are awesome.
Katerina (42:05)
Okay. you
Alonzo Banx (42:28)
I am Alonzo Banks. This is the PolysoCal Podcast. Thank you all. Good night.
Beeb (42:33)
Bye.