In this candid interview, host Alonzo Banx sits down with Patty, a cornerstone of the PolySoCal community, for a deep and heartfelt conversation about her 31-year relationship with her husband John, their journey through polyamory, and the wisdom that only comes from decades of experience.

Patty shares stories from their early days — from swinging to growing into emotionally connected polyamory — and opens up about raising children, facing red flags, and learning the art of saying no without guilt. Together, Alonzo and Patty explore what it means to build love that evolves, adapts, and survives life’s toughest lessons.

This episode is tender, funny, and full of grounded insight for anyone curious about long-term love in non-traditional relationships.

Alonzo Banx (00:02)
I am Alonzo Banks. is the Polysocal Podcast. And today, early morning, I get to sit with the amazing Patty and talk about her and her place in the world and how she got here.

Patty (00:18)
Good morning.

Alonzo Banx (00:19)
Good

morning. Good morning, Patty. Why the heck did you pick early morning for us to talk? I’m not an early morning person. But we both have our caffeine, so that helps. I’m drinking on my iced tea and you got your cup of coffee going there. One way or another, we’ll get through this this morning and hopefully come up with a good interview for everyone.

Patty (00:21)
morning.

I all the regrets right now.

Yes.

Yes.

Alonzo Banx (00:48)
I asked to talk with you today because I think you are an absolutely fascinating human and your story of how you got here and how you got into the poly world, I think, has some interesting twists and points. So before we get too far, for most people would know you, but why don’t you introduce yourself and give a little back.

Patty (00:58)
you

I’m Patti, ⁓ obviously, and I’ve been married to John for 20… We’ve been together for 31 years, married for 29. ⁓ And I am dating Heather and Bebe, and we’ve been dating for about a year and a half. I recently started seeing someone ⁓ separately from that poly-polycule. ⁓ And I’ve been in…

⁓ I guess you would call it lifestyle since I’ve been 19 years old in one form or another, in one dynamic or another.

Alonzo Banx (01:54)
So John, who’s been on our call many times, how did you guys meet?

Patty (01:57)
next.

We met ⁓ at a retirement home in San Diego. I was a waitress at the retirement home and John was a cook and I would watch him bring all the food down, make all the big soups and all the thing for the whole place. Watch him with his long curly hair bring all the food down and serve it and ⁓ I thought he was really cute.

and really sweet and so I pursued him and pursued him and pursued him until finally and I went out with his friends solely because I wanted to see John and until finally he took me out on a date and we’ve been inseparable.

Alonzo Banx (02:49)
And you guys are kind of young at the time.

Patty (02:52)
I was 19 years old and he was 24. Yeah.

Alonzo Banx (02:56)
Well, I went for the older man.

Patty (02:58)
Yeah, do, yeah. Typically. Sometimes. Sometimes not. I would say I have a type, but I don’t think so now.

Alonzo Banx (03:07)
So you guys are firmly established in the poly world. You’ve got multiple connections and we’ll get into that a little bit. When did you start? When did it, when did that come into your relationship? Was it from the beginning or something that grew over time?

Patty (03:23)
It was pretty early on in the beginning of our relationship. I started with, I had a lot of fantasies I didn’t think I would ever be able to explore. ⁓ and, ⁓ John asked one, one night he’s like, what do you fantasize about? What do you, what do you want to do that you, you know, haven’t been able to do? And I said, I wanted to experience what it was like to be with a woman and

So we just started slowly experimenting. And we started off doing swinging and realized there are times that we like that, but we really value connection so much more. And so we gravitated towards being poly. And then, you know, now we’re kind of all over in different sections, know, kink and… ⁓

poly and swinging, or you can just put them all under poly umbrella, just experimenting different relationships. So was very early on.

Alonzo Banx (04:31)
How long have you guys been together and were you married at this point?

Patty (04:34)
were

not, I think we were together maybe a year, maybe tops. Like I mean 19, I was 19. Like let’s go be crazy.

Alonzo Banx (04:37)
I will.

So this was even before, so your marriage is based on always having been in this lifestyle.

Patty (04:53)
There are times where we haven’t had connection with anybody else, and it’s just been John and I, but we’ve always had that mentality of being open, wanting new experiences, wanting our partner to experience amazing things. So I don’t know any different.

Alonzo Banx (05:14)
It’s fun to watch you guys from the outside. You guys are very much in love and very connected. And I’ve known you for a while now. I don’t know how long. Probably about 10 years, I think. Young John, yeah. Okay, so you’re currently in a relationship with… With, okay. How many people in your extended polycule right now?

Patty (05:35)
going to be.

Excuse

me. So I am dating Heather and Peeve and I’m dating ⁓ someone new as well that’s not in the polycule. So John and… So three. I’m dating three people.

Alonzo Banx (05:59)
And then your polycule members also have people they’re dating. How do you keep track of it all?

Patty (06:00)
or

Yes.

⁓

It’s not that hard because you make time for people that matter to you. They’re all unique relationships and I devote time, as much time to them as possible. ⁓ And a calendar, a really good calendar.

Alonzo Banx (06:37)
Who was it that was saying that Dean probably is mastering Google Calendar? I think that was Noah’s statement a couple weeks back.

So any regrets, any lessons if you were starting out over again? What would you tell people new in the community? You have managed this correctly for a while. And I would say, you know, a long while, but obviously you’re too young to be able to say long while.

Patty (07:07)
That’s very sweet. It’s been a long time. Considering you’ve done that for 31 years. ⁓

Alonzo Banx (07:09)
you

Patty (07:18)
There have been some, ⁓ there’s been some regrets that we’ve had, but we, and experiences that weren’t good, if we’re being honest. ⁓ But John and I have grown together and grown from those experiences significantly. So in one way, I don’t regret some things and then another I do. ⁓

John and I typically don’t see anybody separately, but I am now because our relationship is ⁓ the person that I’m seeing. John really likes Heather and Bebe, have met him and really like him. And so that is something a little bit new for us because in the past that we’ve, John’s had a separate girl and she’s moved in with us and she was ⁓ pretty crazy. So that wasn’t a good experience. ⁓

And that was a very long time ago. And then I had someone ⁓ that ended up ⁓ staying with us for like three months. And that also wasn’t a good, it just wasn’t a good experience. And the timing was terrible. ⁓ And so we’ve learned from those experiences and taken those and think, okay, what do we not want to do? What is okay and what isn’t okay? And then we tailor our ⁓

way of being to what works for us.

Alonzo Banx (08:47)
Most of our podcast is dedicated to people who are thinking about getting into this lifestyle or people who are just curious about what it is. So I want to delve a little bit more into those instances, but I don’t want the details. I want the lessons learned. want the warning flags that you should have seen or perhaps handled differently.

Patty (09:12)
⁓ for me, the relationship that I had that was ⁓ really rough ⁓ between John and I, ⁓ John and I, you know, in a marriage, you have ups and downs.

You are really connected sometimes and feeling less connected at other times. And that’s just the reality of being married. Regardless, the love is still there, the want to be around your partner is there, but sometimes you’re not quite as connected. And this person came into my life ⁓ when we weren’t as connected. ⁓ And the lessons I learned from that ⁓ are how important the communication is between John and I.

and the level of where our relationship needs to be to allow for me to healthily date somebody else. And that was probably the hugest takeaway.

and to not neglect your partner, your partner because you have a new relationship, a new relationship that you’re excited about.

Alonzo Banx (10:24)
Last week’s podcast was on dealing with NRE, exactly that. It’s a major factor for people. It’s really easy to get excited when you get into new relationship. And everyone loves that excitement, but remembering you got a base relationship underneath it, you have to nurture.

Patty (10:26)
Yes. Yes.

That was really an important lesson for me to learn. ⁓ And, you know, in some ways it really brought John and I closer and we worked through all of the feelings. He eventually went back to, it was like a three month relationship, but it was like a crash course. ⁓ And ⁓ I work really…

hard to never allow John to feel the way he felt when I was dating that person. ⁓ And ⁓ so that was a big takeaway. How do I maintain the person that’s my soulmate? Because John is my soulmate, I really believe that. ⁓ How do I make sure that he feels good all of the time? How do I make sure he feels loved all the time, regardless of who I might be seeing?

That was what I learned from that. And then I also learned to, when John was dating somebody, to not ignore red flags. And I wanted him to so badly say yes all the time to this person. And this person was not mentally healthy. He moved in and tried to. ⁓

moved in knowing that John and I love each other and she was accepting of the lifestyle and wanted to be there and then slowly chipped trying to push John and I apart. ⁓ And it didn’t work well for her.

Alonzo Banx (12:17)
I had one of those. Yeah. I think, I think every couple has, has one of those, you know, the old Africa, right? Another freaking growth opportunity. And, and unfortunately growth in our environment often comes at the expense of pain.

Patty (12:19)
Yeah, yeah.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I would agree with that. There was a lot of feelings between, you know, those two relationships for John and I. They were the biggest growing periods that we’ve probably had. Among other things that life, like life-lifes at you, ⁓ those two relationships were probably the biggest growing that we learned, okay, what not to do, what for the next time.

Alonzo Banx (13:01)
And let’s delve into that a bit more. Again, I don’t want the details of the relationship. What were the red flags that you didn’t act on? And was it you didn’t see them or was it you didn’t act on them when you did?

Patty (13:20)
I think at the time I was a little bit naive. I’m a little bit assuming everybody has good intentions all the time. ⁓ And yeah, I learned maybe not, you know, ⁓ and things when she ⁓ she ended up moving in with us very quickly. She I think there’s something happened with her place and she ended up staying like she came over for a date and never left. ⁓ And

Alonzo Banx (13:30)
And we know how that works out for everybody.

Patty (13:50)
The red flags were probably that she had never been in that type of dynamic. She had never seen more than one person at the same time. So it was brand new for her, which can be okay. Like everybody has a first time, right? ⁓ The red flag was probably coming and not going home immediately. And then the other was she was diagnosed with ⁓

borderline personality disorder and that was like it was obvious and what started to slowly chip away was you know she and I were friends she would chip away at me and to John that was where it was like ⁓ okay this is not good and then ⁓ you know my kids were little at the time and I didn’t care for

the way she was with my kids. And it was slightly like, really what she wanted was John and not everything else. She was tolerating everything else.

So, and then John and I are very sweet and kind and it was like, okay, how do we help her? How do we, you know, John took her to therapy for a little bit and John was like, you need to get your own place and helped her move, like all of that. the inside, we were like, how do we get a crazy girl out of our house?

in the

Alonzo Banx (15:25)
What could

you have done differently? Or what advice would now you have given then?

Patty (15:35)
⁓ I think, you know,

I think learning to say no is really important, ⁓ Even if you think it’s a, you want to because maybe it seems like a good idea. ⁓ Taking things a little bit slower and.

Learning to say no was huge for me because I always want to say yes. I to say yes to John to everything. I love him unconditionally. However, it can’t be at the expense of how I feel. And that was probably the biggest thing I learned from that. John was on board to get her out of the house too. Like we’re both like, God. But I wanted to say yes to him all the time.

And John is the same way. We want to say yes to each other all the time. And even if it’s a little bit at the expense of how we feel. And that was probably the biggest thing that John and I learned from those two relationships is not to do that. To truly say what we’re okay with and not okay with and be okay with that. And that’s the way we’ve kind of handled things from then on.

Alonzo Banx (16:56)
Boundaries are important.

Patty (16:58)
Yeah.

Alonzo Banx (17:00)
communication about your boundaries. Even more important.

Patty (17:02)
Yes.

Alonzo Banx (17:08)
So tell me some good, tell me some highlights. Why has this lifestyle compelled you now for as long as it has?

Patty (17:08)
Yes.

There are a lot of different things that the lifestyle brings to me and to John and I. You know, like in the lifestyle, it can add or take away depending on how you behave, how you handle. For John and I, it’s added. We will grow from an experience and we have been fortunate to grow together towards each other. In the relationships that we have, ⁓

It keeps things a little bit fresh if we’re being honest. Like it’s spicy in the bedroom. That’s really nice. It also allows us to grow and develop with other people, which adds to our relationship. I learned new things about John. John learns new things about me. We are free to experience all different kinds of love, all different kinds of relationships and talk about it with each other.

and be excited about it. And somebody else will do something that we’re like, we really like that. We didn’t know we didn’t like that. And then it adds to what we do together.

Alonzo Banx (18:31)
One of the things that we hear in the poly world a lot is, how can you love your partner if you’re seeing other people? How can you love your partner if they’re seeing other people? How does that work for you? How can you be so in love with John, which I know you and clearly you are, and yet dating other people? How does that work?

Patty (18:42)
⁓

I have always felt like love isn’t a possessive thing. And love isn’t ⁓ a narrow thing where it has to solely be one person. I have tons and tons of love that’s endless. And John does too.

So why limit it just to he and I when we have so much that we share and we get so much from other people? And I don’t feel the need to be possessing John’s every move. There are times I might feel jealous, yes, that’s reality. Or a little possessive, like, hey, that’s my thing, but…

I work on those things because the benefits to not being so possessive are huge. When I see John fall in love with somebody and I see how excited he is and I watch him and I see somebody doing something so sweet for him and being so wonderful to him, it brings me so much, so much joy to see that. Does that make sense?

Alonzo Banx (20:16)
It does, it does to me and hopefully to the people listening.

Patty (20:22)
John’s wonderful how you not share somebody like John. That would be so selfish. He is pretty great.

Alonzo Banx (20:27)
I, you know, many times I

have to look at myself and say, what would John do in this situation? I was talking with one of our podcasts a couple of weeks back, having that conversation with him. I had to channel my inner John a few times.

Patty (20:43)
Yeah, he’s ⁓ I’ve never doubted how lucky I am to have found somebody like him so early on in my life.

Alonzo Banx (20:54)
So logistically, how do you make it work? You got kids, your kids are grown now.

Patty (20:59)
My kids are grown. We did have a poly relationship when the kids were small ⁓ for five years. ⁓ During that time, John and I got pregnant. Well, I got pregnant ⁓ and had a baby during that time. And ⁓ it was…

⁓ that relationship didn’t last more than five years and you know unfortunately but ⁓ we it was like our we were a family if you know so if that relationship would have continued the kids wouldn’t have known any different they were really small at the time so they didn’t really remember that but our kids know about our relationships they know about our lifestyle

They know about Heather and Bebe. They know they’ve met the new person that I’m seeing. So we’re very open with them. They’re adults. Open with them and we probably would have be… We tended to not be open just because we were worried. And I don’t know that that’s necessarily something we needed to have done because the kids are…

Kids are more involved than the older generation. They’re more accepting than an older generation. So they thought it was cute when they found out. They’re like, aw, it’s like you guys are coming out. And they’re also like, we knew it, we knew it.

Alonzo Banx (22:31)
And

how old were they when you came out?

Patty (22:36)
⁓ well, the whole story of how that happened is a whole story and traumatic a little bit. they were… So like a year and a half ago.

Alonzo Banx (22:48)
And we’ve heard this story, by the way, from John. But I’d love to hear it from your side, please.

Patty (22:58)
We’ve gone through spells where we haven’t seen anybody and then all of a sudden we started seeing a lot of different people and our kids are in their 20s. Three of them are, four of them, well, four of the five, I’ve got one that I’ve inherited. Four of the five live at home. And ⁓ they had their suspicions.

because those friends were very affectionate or whatever. Our kids are very perceptive. They’re more perceptive than what you realize. And ⁓ the kids’ partners all thought, are your parents swingers? Are your parents? And so we met a lot of people at one time and John is a Mr. Excel spreadsheet kind of guy. And he put all the people that…

that we have been getting to know and who likes what and what we’ve done with these people. Like details, real big details. And we were going camping in the Sequoias with a friend, John’s friend and…

his girlfriend and sister and one of our kiddos wanted to come along with her partner and I told John, hey, I know there’s a menu going around. Could you send it to our kiddo so that she knows to bring vegetarian options? And John’s like, yeah. Well, John sent her the wrong menu. John sent her the Excel spreadsheet with all the details, all the details. And…

Alonzo Banx (24:29)
When John tells that story, doesn’t talk about all the details in there.

Patty (24:33)
⁓ so bad.

⁓ my God. And her reply over text was, sad face, can I have the other menu? And we just like, John and I were like, God, ⁓ no. And he’s like, yeah, sorry. And she ended up going camping with us. We didn’t say a word about it. She didn’t say a word about it.

And we were like, what do we do? What do we do about this? And I told John, this was your doing, you fix this. You go talk to the kids. And what did our kiddo do? She shared it with her partner, of course, and all the siblings, of course, because they all had to suffer it like she suffered. So John, when he came home, was like, listen, hey, because I was like.

That’s not a patty thing. I’m not. That’s a you thing. You fix it. So he they had all had a conversation. I knew it. knew it. some part of your parents. We’re so yours. so he went was like, any are there any issues? Like, this is what we are. And they’re like, oh, it’s like you’re coming out. And they just thought they got a kick out of it. And since then, it’s been kind of cool because we’ve been open.

MySon is in school, he’s in college, and ⁓ last week he told his ⁓ college teacher in German, I have two moms and I have two dads. And he was referring to Heather and Bebe. ⁓ When ⁓ Bebe was sitting on the couch and I was sitting on the couch, Taylor had a coworker come over and pick up a cake that she was making and ⁓ as that person came in she said, this is my mom and my stepdad.

and it was just like wow. ⁓

That’s been really cool to be able to share that with them. And I think if we would have been open the whole time, there wouldn’t have been any issues. I was just so worried about damaging our kids or them not having stability or whatever. I don’t think it was necessary.

Alonzo Banx (26:56)
You’re good parents.

Patty (26:58)
Thank you.

Alonzo Banx (27:00)
I think it’s cool that they call Beavis Stepdead.

Patty (27:03)
Yeah, it’s like the

Alonzo Banx (27:06)
That’s

a neat way to kind of compartmentalize that into a quick word.

Patty (27:12)
Yeah, and it is. It’s kind of like we are all, we’re family. We’re a family. That’s what it is. And that’s really what Pauly is about, is creating your family, creating your circle of your people.

Alonzo Banx (27:28)
So how much more are you going to expand this? You got a new man in your life now? So what’s the limit? Where do get to the point where you’re like, there’s just not enough me. I know for me, and I talk about this all the time, I don’t have the bandwidth for the relationships. I just don’t. It’s not the love, it’s the, I just don’t have enough me anymore. I’m too busy.

Patty (27:35)
Yeah.

I’m going to

I am extremely busy, so ⁓ this news person has come in at probably at a time in my life where there’s a lot of heavy family things going on. ⁓ Watching family ⁓ slowly pass away and all the things, so I was not looking for anybody else. ⁓

but sometimes you grab an opportunity when somebody really special comes along. ⁓ I do feel like I’m at my capacity right now to…

to do when you find special people in your life, you stop expanding when you don’t feel like you can give the relationships the amount of attention that they deserve. And that’s really what it’s about. How much attention can I devote to nurturing a relationship? And when that starts being taken away from other people, that’s cue that you’ve hit.

you know, you need to skill.

Alonzo Banx (29:19)
What would you say to someone transitioning into this lifestyle? And as we know, most couples that transition into this lifestyle look at it in their late 30s, early 40s. That’s kind of the, from what I have seen, if you don’t start young, you tend to transition in, in your late 30s, 40s.

Patty (29:46)
I think you know when you start hitting your late 30s and 40s you start becoming a lot more comfortable and realizing, wow, I want to have, want to live my life to the fullest, probably, is what happening is happening. ⁓ I’ve always been big on starting slow when you’re transitioning from monogamous relationship into something that is different because the mindset is completely different.

and to start in small ways. Don’t jump off the cliff into stuff because it will flood your life in a crash course way. You’ll learn very quickly. We have

had experiences with people that are brand new and we will start very slow. Where’s the boundary? Let’s try this. How does this feel? Do you like this? Do you not? Did you and your partner manage that well? And then you move to the next step. And that could be physical or it could be ⁓ friendships, emotional, but to start very slowly and regularly check in with how you’re feeling and how your partner’s feeling.

Alonzo Banx (31:05)
You mentioned it a little bit earlier, but I want to delve into it a little deeper. The difference between swinging and poly and why you felt poly was more important for you.

Patty (31:20)
know lot of people view Polly as the umbrella. I view it a little bit differently for myself. ⁓ Polly, to me, is having a relationship that allows for emotional investment, emotional ⁓ connection. And then swinging, to me, is a…

going to a party where maybe sex happens and finding somebody and having sex with them, or just a buddy that maybe is ⁓ more than just platonic, but the emotional investment’s not there. And John and I gravitate towards emotional connection. We like both. ⁓

but we gravitate towards emotional connection. It feels more meaningful, if that makes sense. The other stuff that’s, ooh, crazy, exciting, fun, let’s try new things. But the poly side of it to me is really where it’s at.

Alonzo Banx (32:24)
Who does it?

You hit on the terminology of what people call things. We had one of our early podcasts was on exactly that. It’s what do the words mean because they’re different to everyone. yet Polly, as we use it, does tend to be an umbrella because it means something different to everyone. And this weekend’s podcast of the Sunday Night Roundtable is ⁓ how does kink play with Polly and do you have to be kinky to be in Polly? ⁓

Patty (32:45)
Yeah.

Yes.

Alonzo Banx (33:05)
Yeah, that’s we’re going have a roundtable on that Sunday night in the conversation. How how does that all fit in together?

Patty (33:09)
I did.

Mm-hmm.

Alonzo Banx (33:15)
But, you know, I asked you for this interview today because I know a lot of your attitudes. I know how you approach things. And I think you and John have one of the most healthy approaches to truly being poly in the root of the relationship where you’re, know, sex is great. Sex is awesome. But the relationship is what matters.

Patty (33:43)
Yes.

Alonzo Banx (33:46)
How do you sustain

that through the bad times? mean, another freaking growth opportunity. We’ve all had those and yet you guys still maintain that loving openness. Is that something that’s just intrinsic to you or something that you’ve learned to maintain?

Patty (34:07)
⁓ it’s a little bit, ⁓ intres- intrens- yes. I can’t say the words. ⁓ it’s probably both. ⁓ there is a level of respect that John and I have never lost for each other. ⁓ and that is probably key, even in the really hard times, and there have been hard times.

Alonzo Banx (34:13)
Yeah

Patty (34:35)
because when you’re together for 31 years, there are hard times. That’s reality, but we have leaned into each other, not away from each other. When we have struggled in our relationship, ⁓ the foundation of our relationship has never been something that’s been questionable.

When we have struggled, we’ve gone to counseling. We’ve gone to marriage counseling. ⁓ And it’s been invaluable to us because I think I communicate well and John thinks he communicates well and then we find out otherwise and then we’re like, we need to work on this. And so particularly when our kids were small.

We went to counseling for a while to work, know, just off on, off on, and I view that as a tool to help us. You know, everybody has a toolbox. And if your toolbox is empty, when you go to fix something, it’s gonna be really hard. But if you have a bunch of tools in your toolbox that you’ve learned, ⁓ makes things a lot easier, gets the job done quicker.

Alonzo Banx (35:43)
Yeah, forgive me for a minute. do a little bit of a PSA here for proper counseling in how to find them. You’re right. Getting to a counselor, getting some outside perspective is immensely helpful. know a lot of people in our community worry about going to any kind of professional because they don’t think that our lifestyle is understood. And something they told you just got to find the right people. There are many counselors out there. There are many

people who work with poly people and understand our approach.

Patty (36:20)
That has been my experience. I am a psychology major, I’m like, anytime I feel a little off, I have my lady that I see and she helps me be the best version of myself that I can be. And I have always viewed therapy as a tool.

I know there’s a lot of stigma that can go with that, but I have always found it immensely helpful. ⁓ And John and I have been very open with therapists about our lifestyle. And we’ve never regretted that. There are a lot of counselors that even if they haven’t had experience with other clients, ⁓ they understand the concept and they help. So.

I’ve never had a bad experience with a counselor. I have had a bad experience with somebody’s mouth.

Alonzo Banx (37:17)
I I could say that. I’ve had some great ones. We’ve had a couple.

I can’t say that I’ve never had a bad experience with a counselor, but I’ve also had some great ones.

Patty (37:31)
I’ve had a…

Yes. You have to find the right person for you.

Alonzo Banx (37:37)
You have

to find the right person for you.

Patty (37:39)
And if you don’t, early on you move on to somebody else that clicks with you. I’ve done that ⁓ separate from… separate from John and I seeing somebody together. I have seen somebody that didn’t have advice for me, couldn’t tell me how to fix how I was feeling, and immediately moved on to a lady that I’ve had for a very, long time. And ⁓ she’s a…

fix it kind of girl like this is what you need to do to fix it this is and she will call me out and I love that a lot so that works for me not somebody just event to you I don’t need anybody to vent to you I have friends I need somebody that has solutions for me

Alonzo Banx (38:27)
So parting words as we wrap up this interview, whether you realize you’ve been on for almost 40 minutes or any.

Patty (38:35)
very long-winded.

Alonzo Banx (38:37)
You

have a lot to say. You’re a very intriguing human.

Advice. What advice would you give to couples, to men, to women, people who look at this from the outside and even after this interview don’t understand how you can live the life that you live. And there’s a lot of them out there that don’t understand this.

Patty (39:09)
Yes. We should have somebody on that doesn’t understand so we can see. ⁓

Alonzo Banx (39:15)
I look

for them and I welcome anyone and I say this all the time. One of the things about our podcast is I hate when we end up in an echo chamber of everyone at the round table having the same opinion. I want the outsider in there. I want people who tell us why we’re wrong so that we can have that open conversation. But I sorry, I stepped on your reply there, please.

Patty (39:23)
If.

Yes.

no. I think if you are married and you’re thinking about the lifestyle, I would really dive into why you want to get into the lifestyle. If it’s to add to ⁓ your life, then I say experiment. If it is to fix something,

or that you feel like something’s lacking, I would question that because there’s, when you get into the lifestyle, you will see all of your weaknesses and possibly your partners, and you have to be okay with that and you have to work on that. ⁓ It really pushes you to be the best version of yourself, and it’s the same for your partner.

And if you’re not ready to do that, you’re just in this…

situation where you’re on autopilot, then I would question that because a lot of things will come up for you and you will need to be ready to work on them.

along with all the amazing experiences and the fun and the excitement and all of the things. It’s all of it. You get the good and the bad and you have to be okay with both.

Alonzo Banx (41:12)
Thank you. Thank you for making me wake up so early in the morning and giving me someone to get my caffeine in with.

Patty (41:18)
you

Yes. Yes. It was nice.

Alonzo Banx (41:25)
You’re to be on

Sunday going to get to talk to you again.

Patty (41:28)
I will be here on Sunday.