In this episode of the PolysoCal Roundtable Talk, host Alonzo Banx and a diverse group of guests discuss the intricacies of polyamorous relationships. They explore how to navigate the introduction of new partners, the importance of communication, and the lessons learned from past experiences. The conversation emphasizes the significance of mental health and the need for transparency and trust in polyamorous dynamics. Each guest shares their unique perspectives and advice, creating a rich dialogue about love, boundaries, and the evolving nature of relationships.
Alonzo Banx (00:00)
Welcome back to PolysoCal. I am Alonzo Banks and this is the PolysoCal Roundtable Talk. We got an amazing crew on deck tonight. Hi everybody.
Heather (00:10)
Hi.
Lana (00:10)
Bye.
Noah (00:10)
Hey!
Blake (00:10)
There you have
it.
Cupcake (00:11)
No.
Beeb (00:12)
Hello.
Alonzo Banx (00:12)
Let’s go around the table and say hi. I am going to start with the Aluring Cupcake.
Blake (00:13)
Hehehehehe
Cupcake (00:19)
dear. Hi, I’m Cupcake. Probably, what is this, my fourth time being on the podcast. I am currently, I have my husband and then I’m also partners to Noah and Cookie who’s participated a couple of times. And yeah, here I am.
Alonzo Banx (00:35)
And it’s awesome to have you back again. Thank you. And your partner, Noah.
Cupcake (00:37)
Thank you.
Noah (00:39)
Yeah, I’m Noah and yeah, I’m partnered with Cupcake and we’re both in relationship with my nesting partner, Cookie, who’s not here tonight. But yeah, we’ve been doing this for, I think a little over a year now with our little trio.
Alonzo Banx (00:58)
Nice, welcome. Good to have you back. This is your fourth time on too, I believe. Yeah. And another veteran, Heather. We have a lot of couples tonight. We have a lot of parts of polycules. Heather.
Noah (01:02)
I think so, yeah, that sounds right.
Heather (01:07)
you
Hi,
I’m Heather, I’m married to Beeb and we are dating John and Patty. We’ve been in a polycule with them for a little over a year.
Alonzo Banx (01:21)
Nice, welcome again. Mr. Beeb, always good to see you or not see you as your video is not running tonight.
Beeb (01:27)
Yeah, hello, my name is Beeb. As Heather said, we are married and in a polycule with John and Patty. We’ve been in the lifestyle for five, a little over five years together. Yeah, going strong.
Alonzo Banx (01:41)
Good to have you back, sir. We’ve got a new couple with us tonight. Someone that I have known now for quite a while, but it is their first time on the show, Miss Lana.
Lana (01:49)
My name is Lana and I am partner with my beloved Blake and it’s my first podcast. I’m happy to be here.
Alonzo Banx (01:57)
Welcome, welcome.
Mr. Blake.
Blake (02:00)
Yes, indeed. So I’m Blake and I’m here with Lana. We’ve been together about three and a half years. And from the start, we called ourselves Binogamish. So we knew we wanted a core partnership and then to be open to other relationships as well. since last January, we’ve been kind of expanding our horizons more and have been
manifesting more kind of play situations and yeah that’s pretty much where we’re at right now.
Alonzo Banx (02:38)
Well, welcome to our show. the question tonight is how do you go about bringing up the conversation of bringing a new partner or a new play partner into your relationship or into the polycule? How did you make that conversation start? And I know the default answer is
carefully. Who’s got some input for me?
Alright, Mr. Noah.
Noah (03:04)
Yeah, I’ll say, I think my relationship with cookies is relatively interesting. So, you know, when we met cupcake, it was through a dating app, like a poly friendly dating app. And it was a discussion that we had had where we were both interested in finding another partner. And it really felt like it was something that we’d been talking about since the beginning of our relationship.
I’m actually really curious to kind of see what other people’s input is on this and how they navigate that with additional partners. But I guess one thing I wanted to bring up on my side was so, you know, with the cupcake and cookie and I, our relationship has a significant like BDSM dynamic where I would call myself a dominant and
just a week ago or so, maybe two weeks ago, I looked at both of them and I said, I think we should get a third. And they just kind of laughed at me and agreed, right? And that was how we brought up that conversation. And now we don’t have someone in mind. It wasn’t like I’ve been dating someone and wanted to bring them in. This is more of a just starting to bring the conversation, make it open for my desire to want another partner as part of our dynamic. And that’s how it worked for us.
But I know that every relationship is different and I’m kind of curious to see what everybody else got to say
Alonzo Banx (04:22)
interesting cupcake how did that make you feel when he brought it up that directly
Cupcake (04:26)
I mean, it’s fine. I mean, I’ve kind of mentioned it before, like yeah, we all kind of met or I’ve met Cookie on a dating app, but it wasn’t really at that moment the intent of a relationship. was, my gosh, these people live near us. my gosh, they have very similar interests to us. You know, let’s, you know, for friendship wise, you know, see what happens. And we were, you know,
including my husband, the four of us were hanging out. were having, you know, going to Boba and just really like getting to know each other as friends. And something that I, you know, had discussed with Cookie quite a bit, like in the beginning of our conversations was, you know, I had been submissive for a couple, you know, 10 plus years on and off. I hadn’t really found a partner that was
on the same level as I was in that sense. So that kind of really sparked the conversation into, you know, I would like to pursue this with Noah, with, you know, speaking to my husband and things like that. And he understood based off of us not really having that much of that dynamic in our relationship that, you know, that was something that I would want to pursue and would, you know, benefit me in multiple ways.
⁓ And that’s kind of how we had that conversation and that’s kind of where it blossomed from there.
Alonzo Banx (05:44)
Nice. Anyone else? Someone have a… How did you start it? Blake, please.
Blake (05:49)
So yeah, I would say because we’re relatively new, we haven’t expanded our policy. Well, our policy is just the two of us at this time. You we know that there’s a possibility that it could expand in the future, but that’s where we are at this time. But we have initiated things with play partners. And usually the way that that would go is we might see somebody at a party and I might say afterward, oh, Lana, I noticed that you were
hanging out a lot with so-and-so or something like that and are you interested in getting together with them?” And she might say, Yeah, or no, or maybe not. So similarly, if there were just people that we both were interested in and we might bring it up like that. One of the things that has changed for us is that the more time that we spend together and as our relationship gets deeper and we trust each other more and more and understand each other better.
and better is that we’re opening up more more freedom. So we’ve always known that safety was important. And so now we’re able to balance that safety with freedom and get both sides of that cookie, both sides of that story.
Alonzo Banx (07:02)
How do you feel about that?
Heather (07:04)
.
Lana (07:05)
So I like to have conversations from loving kindness space. I love Blake and I don’t need just have this conversation from what I don’t have. I’m having this conversation from perspective of novelty. What you can explore, what we can just experience new and…
Usually it’s conversation about boundaries, how he feels, how I feel and that how do I feel if we’re going about ifs. And if we both agree, our way just to invite somebody for dinner, I love to cook and we have conversation. Three of us and what I really like when play partners say.
I have idea and it’s no hidden agenda. It’s just like, we like this and this and that and we negotiate. like that and this and that. And conversation is starting. And what I also notice as our foundation is building and we’re getting stronger as a couple, this conversation is getting easier and easier.
and we are open to have more conversation in the future like that.
Alonzo Banx (08:21)
Quake and Lana, if you don’t mind my asking, when your relationship started, was it with a poly format in mind or did you start as a conventional monogamous relationship and then transition?
Lana (08:34)
With Blake from my first date, we said we are monogamous. I like to flirt, I love people and I was in monogamous relationship before and I knew it, I want more. I want more novelty, I want more experiment. I usually use the phrase, do you like pizza if you never tried pizza? So it’s my place in life.
Blake (09:02)
And just to be clear, when you said monogamous, that’s different from monogamous, that we viewed monogamous as being that from the start that we knew that we were interested in being with other people as well. So we knew that we could be able to. It was, it was. On our very first date, we did our sex communication checklist together, which was a great way to start with the first date.
Alonzo Banx (09:15)
So that was a foundation from the beginning.
Lana (09:18)
Yes.
Blake (09:26)
And we discovered their mutual interest in opening up the relationship.
Alonzo Banx (09:32)
Go on and explain that to me. What is a sex checklist?
Lana (09:35)
When we met, I was in a class or searching for classes with erotic blueprint. And erotic blueprint has this sex communication list. So it’s couple pages, about 12 pages questions and you’re answering and you’re discussing with your partner. And it’s easy for me, it’s structured.
Blake (09:53)
Ha ha ha ha.
Lana (10:02)
And it’s changing time to time. we are evolving as a couple and I’m evolving as a person. My likes and dislikes are changing and expanding.
Alonzo Banx (10:13)
And this is something you guys did within the first couple of dates.
Blake (10:17)
Yeah, what happened was we had started zooming and so she’d suggested we take this course together before we’d even met for our date. We’d met at a party before our date. so we went to the first date and we’d already filled out our checklist.
Lana (10:17)
First date.
Alonzo Banx (10:31)
That is awesome. Heather, Bee, how about you guys?
Blake (10:32)
Ha
Heather (10:35)
for us, we really weren’t looking for a polyamorous relationship. We kind of stumbled across John and Patty. We had a previous relationship with another couple that was a dumpster fire of a polycule and it was horrible. And the only positive thing that came from it is we learned so much about ourselves.
from that previous one, what our likes and dislikes are. And so we were just coming off a really bad breakup with that couple when we ran into John and Patty. And when the more we started hanging out with them, we’re like, wow, these people are cool. We really like being around them. And we just kept thinking, man, what if it ends up being like before? But it’s so natural and so easy. And
We were pretty closed off when we first all started dating. Nobody was dating anybody else or seeing anybody else. But then we’ve had a really good conversation and we’re taking steps slow. So if anyone did want to introduce another partner, I think all four of us really enjoy meeting other partners. So I don’t necessarily want to date.
anybody else that John and Patty or Bebe are wanting to see, but I want to know them and I want to be friends with them on some kind of level.
Alonzo Banx (12:00)
Nice. B, when you and Heather met, was it with the understanding that it was a future poly or did you meet with the understanding that it was a monogamous relationship?
Beeb (12:12)
⁓ When Heather and I met
Alonzo Banx (12:13)
Yes.
Beeb (12:14)
When Heather and I met, we started off as monogamous. We were both in the lifestyle previous. We met in the lifestyle, but when we got together, we wanted to focus on our relationship and build our, you know, us. So we took about a year just being monogamous, us, and then we opened it up.
Alonzo Banx (12:14)
No worries.
Beeb (12:33)
to swinging. and we you know, we’re just like any other couple that starts off in swinging. We were very strict with our rules. It’s same room play. We only play together. We don’t play it, you know, separate or anything like that. And as we got more comfortable with each other and even meeting the people that that was a really big thing in the beginning is like, yeah, I’m comfortable with that person. Yeah, it’s fine. You could go, you know, play without me with that person type of thing.
So that’s how we started off.
Alonzo Banx (13:01)
Nice.
Heather (13:03)
I don’t think we ever,
⁓ sorry Heather here, I don’t think we ever intended to be Polly. That was never our goal for us.
Alonzo Banx (13:10)
And how did you introduce and who introduced the question first? The core of tonight’s conversation. Who was the one who said, I have this idea.
Heather (13:21)
Patty?
Blake (13:22)
Yeah.
Heather (13:22)
Patty and I just got really close together and she just felt so comfortable. So she was like, I want to date you guys. I want to be with you guys. So Bebe and I had some conversations about how we felt about entering into another polydynamic. And we said, why not? Let’s just take things slow and see how it goes.
Alonzo Banx (13:46)
That is an interesting way to get brought in.
Noah (13:50)
So I’ve got a question for
you, Heather and the, so the previous poly relationship you were in that didn’t work out. Do you feel like that was poly related or simply with the individuals that you were involved with?
Heather (14:04)
⁓ I would say the individuals were not ready or prepared to be in a deep romantic polydynamic and what all that entailed. So, and then it, we also ignored a lot of red flags from the couple. And there was some lack of communication too, not between Bebe and I, but between the husband and the wife. One would say something and then the other.
wouldn’t even know or realize what was happening.
Noah (14:32)
It comes back to a routine thing that I’ve found is, I mean, it’s true for any relationship, whether it’s friendship or with your parents or your children or anybody, communication is key, right? With among everyone, everybody needs to communicate and be on the same page for this or any relationship to work.
Heather (14:50)
We did learn a lot about ourselves during that relationship and what works for Beeb and I and what obviously did not work for us.
Noah (14:59)
So when they weren’t on the same page, sorry, I don’t wanna.
Heather (15:02)
You can dig it.
Noah (15:03)
make it all about this. do you feel like it was purely was it because someone was trying to hide something from the other partner?
Heather (15:10)
Yes. So me and the husband were in a very deep romantic relationship, more so than Beeb and the wife. And so I think the husband would intentionally say less to protect the wife.
Noah (15:26)
Got it.
Heather (15:26)
So, and I’m all about fully disclosing how I feel about people so that there’s no surprises for my partners. So if things develop, I can be like, I see this as a romantic relationship. I want to date this person. And that way, Bebe or Patty or John are not going to be surprised because I’ve been so thoroughly open with how I’m feeling.
Alonzo Banx (15:48)
Cupcake I’m gonna put you on the spot again, which is you not something I do every time you’re on the show
Cupcake (15:51)
That’s something I do every ⁓ every
time. Every time.
Blake (15:54)
you
Alonzo Banx (15:57)
You’re in a unique relationship. Everyone else on the call tonight are couples that brought someone in. You were in a relationship
and joined an external couple. How did you bring around that conversation?
Cupcake (16:06)
you
I mean, it’s similar to different relationships. When me and my husband got together, never really had the intention of needing to be fully monogamous. So we always called it monogamish, as people would say. And as we kind of moved more into the lifestyle or the community, we started opening up to the possibility of things like swinging and
you know, going to parties that sometimes promote that type of situation. But I always knew that I didn’t want to be hooking up with people I didn’t really know. I’ve never gotten positive feelings the next day and I’ve realized this over the years. That I, you know, I enjoy a connection, I enjoy people that I know about, I trust them. So it was easy to
explore that with friends, people that you have, you know, a deeper connection with or whatever. But I still have felt like something was holding me back because it kind of didn’t feel like it was important, if that makes sense, and because of my past I’ve always been, well in the last 10 years, really just telling myself this needs to be important to me. Otherwise I’m gonna
not necessarily regret it, but I’m gonna not be happy with myself afterwards. So, you know, we kind of tried to do the swinging thing. It was always kind of soft swap where there wasn’t a lot of, you know, more than the, I like to say, designated penis and designated vagina. I don’t know if I’m allowed to say that. It’s anatomy. And that’s kind of what our, like, one big role is when we were doing that because I was still not kind of over that.
Alonzo Banx (17:36)
Yes, you are.
Cupcake (17:44)
threshold and I think it was just a lot to do with stress and trust. So as we got to know you know Noah and Cookie, it was intended to be more of a friendship in the beginning but it something just felt right and it felt
my trust building more and more with them. And there’s been some break between the beginning of the year, but that break almost deepened my trust. And it’s just been something that felt right. Granted, have to work on situations with my husband where I have to be splitting that time and making sure he’s getting the ample.
attention and feeling like he’s not neglected or you know kind of pushed out of the situation because it is it was difficult at beginning because there was a lot of that and that could have been partly my fault for being you know excited for this new relationship that you know you have to really be in tune with yourself and making sure that you’re splitting your time fair for everyone and that was something I definitely had to learn but yeah I don’t know if I was even on the correct
Alonzo Banx (18:49)
You are absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. You talk about what I refer to as the kid in the candy store effect at the beginning of a relationship and you’re, you’re, you’re running around buying all the candy and forgetting to think sometimes.
Cupcake (18:49)
I with that but…
I mean, I don’t think very often, so… I’m pretty. No, I know.
Alonzo Banx (19:06)
I doubt that very much.
Okay, so, ⁓ you know, sometimes in life it’s important to be a good, bad example. Anyone willing to share a story of how they didn’t handle this conversation correctly when they first brought it up?
Heather (19:23)
I wish I had a cool story to tell, but no. ⁓
Alonzo Banx (19:25)
Mr. Blake, look like you
had something to say.
Blake (19:29)
Very early in our relationship, we set up a threesome and I think in some ways it was too soon in the relationship and so we didn’t have all kinds of communication skills we didn’t have. But on the other hand, you kind of learn what you have to know, you find out by making mistakes and so in some ways I don’t regret it because I think that we did learn a lot of what we did wrong.
But it was a bumpy road. We’d only been together a couple of months, and I think we would have maybe been better off building our foundation a bit longer before we started.
Alonzo Banx (20:08)
Timing is everything.
Okay, so let me go around and I’m going to ask you, give our audience a piece of advice for someone who wants to bring this up in a conversation with their partner, keeping in mind that I believe most of the people who would be asking this question have never brought it up before. So they’re coming at this from a first time, looking at their partner and going,
Hmm, honey?
Blake (20:36)
Thank
Alonzo Banx (20:38)
Okay, Cupcake, you got the best look on your face, so I’m starting with you first.
Cupcake (20:42)
⁓ my god, ⁓
Blake (20:44)
Thank you.
Cupcake (20:45)
I don’t really know how I can give that, because my first non-monogamous relationship I was kind of forced into it, so it wasn’t really by choice. I do know when my husband and I met, we talked about past experiences, and it was just from the start not-
strict thing for us. it’s
Unfortunately, I can only say that you know mistakes are gonna happen and that generally is the first thing that happens or the first relationship or I mean sometimes it’s not obviously not but it Don’t be upset if it doesn’t work on the first try The thing I could say it’s like you you’re doing something new you’re doing something different you’re bound to learn a lot like Heather
saying is learn a lot about yourself especially just in that first situation even if it doesn’t go well. To just understand that it’s a work in progress and it’s not every relationship is going to blossom differently or build differently and that nothing is cookie cutter so just kind of being patient with that situation.
Alonzo Banx (21:50)
Heather, what advice would you give?
Heather (21:53)
Timing. So, if you’re in a rough patch with your partner, make sure you guys are solid. I suggest therapy. If you’re in a happy, healthy, strong relationship, then bring it up. And be prepared for your partner to, A, need time to process and think, not know what to think in general when you first ask.
and then maybe just hate the idea altogether. So if you’re open to all of that going into it, then I think it’ll be a really good conversation even if your partner doesn’t want to do it.
Alonzo Banx (22:27)
I agree. And one thing I want to touch on with what you said, I know I’ve got to take a second. I think everyone in the room tonight is experienced in the world of Polly and in the world of swing. So I’ll ask the question that I know we’ll all have the same reaction to. Is this ever a valid way to save a marriage?
Noah (22:46)
Absolutely not.
Heather (22:47)
Absolutely not.
Beeb (22:48)
No.
Noah (22:48)
That’s exactly what
I wanted to speak on actually is this will not save your broken relationship. This will not improve your struggling relationship and this will not make your partner feel better about themselves. Right. If you if this is a desire that you have and you want to try to bring it up in your relationship. First I think you need to check yourself and the knowledge you have of your partner.
Alonzo Banx (22:51)
Go ahead Noah, please pick it up.
Cupcake (23:02)
you
Noah (23:14)
Has your partner ever indicated to you in the history of your relationship that they would even entertain the idea of this? And part of that would would help you know how to navigate this, right? Hopefully, if you’ve even had any kind of conversation, you know, maybe you both said that person’s very good looking, right? Maybe that’s like an opening to maybe start talking about these things. However,
You’ll never be able to get there if you’re already starting from a bad spot. This will not save your relationship. I think you can only tackle this once you feel like you are strong, you communicate well, you have no secrets. mean, zero, absolutely none, right? can’t, you can’t the person you hate at work that you just want to drown in the pool. They need to know that, right? You can’t have those kinds of secrets, right? If you thought
Cupcake (24:08)
you
Noah (24:12)
Donna down the street looks pretty cute. They should know that too. If you can’t say those kinds of things, you’re probably not in a relationship where this is going to end up being healthy to ever bring up or to even practice. You need to be able to communicate freely. And if this is something that is so important to you that you must have it, then you will be better off, I think in my opinion, working on
ending your current relationship so you can pursue that. And if that’s not something that you’re willing to do, then you need to fix what you have before you can ever bring this up. That’s my opinion.
Alonzo Banx (24:46)
I think that very well said. Everyone agree with that statement?
Heather (24:51)
Very well said.
Alonzo Banx (24:52)
Miss Lana, back to the core question, advice to someone who wants to bring this conversation up in their relationship.
Lana (24:59)
So my advice would be communication. Communication is everything. And safety and freedom. How to dance between these two subjects. If you know your partner and you’re safe, I agree with No and Heather. It’s zero secrets. Nothing to hide. Be authentic and speak up and make sure you’re…
your partner knows and feels that
he or she, them are very important to you. So they are your core, they’re your important safe space. You can bring up anything and everything with zero secrets. That would be my advice. Thanks.
Alonzo Banx (25:42)
I think one of the
things that goes along with what you’re saying and something that I see, the key to being successful in poly relationships is the ability to communicate. Everything that we do is about communication.
Lana (25:51)
Absolutely.
Alonzo Banx (25:53)
Mr. Blake, to you.
Blake (25:54)
Yeah, absolutely.
And I would say in addition to communication, it’s also attunement. And what I mean by that is really like a refinement of communication that it has to do with getting on the same wavelength. it’s an emotional, know, sometimes we will just, when we need to attune, we’ll just say, would you be willing to attune with me for a few minutes? And we will just sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes and maybe hold hands.
maybe yabium or maybe probably just sitting cross-legged across from each other. And in that case, we’re taking that time to get on the same wavelength and then we really understand better what’s going on. But I was thinking back to when in my first marriage, we were 11 years in when I brought up the idea with my wife at that time. And I would say that
She didn’t take kindly to it. mean, she didn’t she felt like I was saying that I wasn’t satisfied even though I was. I was actually very happy with our marriage, but I was interested in this in more variety. And when she came around to it, one of the things that we found helpful was that she would invite friends of hers, girlfriends of hers, or I would invite guy friends of mine. And that actually helped with the feeling of
trust and jealousy just because of who did the inviting. But that was just kind of the specific thing to that relationship. I would say in some cases maybe there’s not an easy way to bring it up. At the same time, I don’t regret that we then had another 15 years that we were in various stages of openness in that first marriage. So it’s possible.
I do think it’s hard and it takes a lot of attainment.
Alonzo Banx (27:44)
I agree. Mr. Beebe, any thoughts from you?
Beeb (27:49)
I would say not only is communication the key, but being open. Open about your intentions when you ask your partner to journey on this lifestyle with you. Reassure them that you are satisfied by them. What are your intentions and what are you looking for mainly?
Alonzo Banx (28:07)
I agree. think one of the hardest parts and, and B, if you don’t mind me continuing that just a little bit is to make sure that you ask the entirety of your ask. I think the mistake a lot of people make is that they ask a little when they really want a lot and they do a phased disclosure where you’re asking a little and a little more and a little more, which gives your partner the inability to understand the depth of your quest.
Cupcake. Give me some closing words.
Cupcake (28:36)
Yeah. I mean, it’s just… Taking time and taking steps, you know? It’s… I don’t know. You- I can’t really say that, like, the disclosure thing, like, where you add more and more, because it could also just be that person discovering themselves. So it’s not always exactly that, but, you know, obviously be open in front with what you’re…
looking for in that moment. Obviously you should be discussing those desires just regularly even if it’s not a multiple partner situation. Have those boundary talks, have those discussions, and just be like, hey let’s check in, we need to talk about it. Then you might just discover more about each other because you’re open about it in that moment.
Alonzo Banx (29:19)
I agree. Blake, did you have something you want to add? And then no, I’m going to give you the final word tonight. But Blake, did you have something?
Heather (29:19)
Very well put, cupcake.
Blake (29:26)
The thing about intentions, I love what you’re saying Cupcake about, it’s not just when that first time you ask, it’s every time and throughout the relationship. For example, we just went to a party today and on our way there, we said let’s be clear about what our intentions are, what are we really looking for to have happen here and to take enough time to go deep on that and not just take kind of a superficial level but say really deep down what
What are you looking for here?
Cupcake (29:54)
Yeah, and that’s the main thing is, you know, especially your mental health, you can be okay with something one day and not be okay with it the next day, depending, you know, based on how you’re feeling inside. And that has been something that I’ve had to continuously have those conversations because I have had trauma in my, you know, younger years. So some days it’s not happening. Like I shouldn’t be doing things. I know that I’m not in the right mental state. And that doesn’t mean that your desire for that is
gone. It’s just you have to be choosy with your situations to protect yourself and your loved ones.
Blake (30:28)
Not right now is a really good answer.
Alonzo Banx (30:30)
Mr. Noah, take us out of the show tonight.
Noah (30:33)
Yeah, I just, I just want to close and say that the mental health aspect that Cupcake just mentioned, I think is a big deal. And that also comes into realizing your status when you come into this. and I am coming at this from a male female perspective. I’m a white cis male and I don’t want to pretend that I know any other perspective than that. So I’m going to speak from that perspective, but men.
need to know and women too really that to be crude dick is cheap and what I mean by that is I promise you men if you’re bringing this up to your lady that she if she agrees to this she is going to be able to pull in 20 30 more dates than you will in the same period of time easily and if that isn’t something you’re going to be able to handle or deal with you need to check that before you get into it.
And the same thing for the other way around. Ladies, when you speak to your man about this, realize that they’re not going to get nearly as much attention as you do. And you might have some work to do to make them feel a little more comfortable with the situation. And I think that tending to each other’s mental health and to your own mental health in these situations is paramount. And knowing our positions and how we interact with each other in our own society, among our groups, our people.
is key to being able to survive this. And it does take a lot of mental and maybe even physical fortitude, depending on how well you’re doing out there, right? So I think just keep that in mind that there is ⁓ a part out there that might lead you into not feeling very good about yourself if you don’t have some of that perspective in mind before you head into this type of thing.
Alonzo Banx (32:22)
Noah, that your conversation right there is probably 80 % of the conversation I have with single men and couples off of this podcast is exactly that point. Men think that they’re going to enter this world on an even playing field, that they’re going to go into a club and draw as many women as their women draw men. And it just doesn’t work that way for us. And it’s a very real realization that you have to have when you go into this, but
We should actually make that one of our next questions. would be a great talking point for the night. Blake, Lana, thank you for being on your first call with us tonight. Cupcake, as always, you’re great to pick on. Heather, brilliant. Noah, thank you. The deep voice that makes us sound so professional. Anyway, thank you everyone for another fantastic week. We’ll be back next week. And this is the Polysocal podcast. Good night, everyone.
Blake (32:54)
Bye.
Cupcake (33:01)
Yeah ⁓
Noah (33:07)
Glad to be here.
Blake (33:07)
Ha ha ha.
Heather (33:18)
Bye.
Lana (33:18)
Bye.