In this episode of the PolySoCal Podcast, Carolyn Eagle returns for a full roundtable conversation with Alonzo Banx, Noah, Heather, Jon, Cupcake, Blake, and Lana. The group moves past the giggle-factor of sex toys and into the real adult questions: body positivity, plus-size bodies, aging, disability, chronic pain, shame, men feeling threatened by toys, AI intimacy, censorship, product design, and how people actually learn what works for their bodies. Carolyn brings her experience as a certified sex educator and founder of Betty’s Toy Box, while the panel asks the kinds of direct, practical questions listeners may be thinking but rarely say out loud. The result is a useful, funny, grounded conversation about pleasure products as tools — not replacements for connection, but ways to support communication, access, exploration, and sexual health at every stage of life.
PolySoCal Roundtable – E055 – Carolyn Eagle
===
Alonzo banx: [00:00:00] Welcome back to Poly Soak Out Podcast. I am Alonzo Banks. Tonight we got an amazing round table with a bunch of really good people, and we’ve got the awesome Carolyn Eagle came back again tonight to talk to us about, well, everything that she does. But I’m gonna hold off. Carolyn, I’m gonna have you introduce yourself last. I’m gonna go around the room first, everyone say who they are, and we’re going in my circle. So Noah, you’re up first
Noah: Yeah, I am Noah. Uh, people may know me from all my previous accounts here on the podcast. , But I am in a relationship with Cupcake, who is also here with us right now. And, , my nesting partner and wife now, as of recently, , Cookie, is, uh not on the podcast tonight, but also in a relationship with her
Alonzo banx: Welcome. We gotta get Cookie back on. I know she’s getting ready for a bunch of stuff, but we need her
around. Heather, good evening
Heather: Hi, I’m Heather. I am [00:01:00] married to the Beeb, and I am engaged to Patty, and I’m dating John, and I also have a girlfriend outside of RQE, and yeah
Alonzo banx: let’s stay inside the kiwi and go to John. John
Jon: Hello, I’m John. I am– I’ve been ENM of some flavors and for, , 32 years now. I am married to Patty. I am Heather. She is my girlfriend, and I have a metamour named Beeb. uh, yeah, and I actually have a lot of metamours, so that’s me.
Alonzo banx: we need a whiteboard and Sharpies to track all your stuff. Cupcake, say hi
Cupcake: Hi, I’m Cupcake. As Noah mentioned, I am partnered with Noah and Cookie, and I’m also married and have… My husband has one partner, so I have one metamour
Alonzo banx: Welcome. And, I’m gonna save best for last, so Blake, say hi [00:02:00]
Blake: Howdy, howdy. You’re right about, , Lana. So Lana is my nesting partner. We’ve been together about four years, and, , we’ve been open, during that time, and, uh, thrilled to be here
Alonzo banx: Welcome back, Miss Lana
Lana: Hello everybody. Lana, and I am in love and partner with Blake. Uh, and We are exploring and expanding together. What could be better? to be here
Alonzo banx: And thank you for coming in. I know that you’ve rushed to get on the call tonight, and I appreciate you. So now to our guest of honor for the night, Ms. Carolyn Eagle. Carolyn, you and I had a conversation earlier on this week that was published already,
Carolyn: We do.
Alonzo banx: I just fell in love with pretty much everything you had to say.
And so we gotta get you in, get you on a round table and, and let you meet some of the crew. So I’m gonna let you talk about yourself. Tell us who you are
Carolyn: I am Carolyn, and since everyone else is doing relationship status, I’m gonna seem really, really boring. I’ve [00:03:00] been with my partner, Paul, for, over 30 years now. Yeah. So the old boring married– Well, common law people. I am a sex educator, and I also am the founder of Betty’s Toy Box, which is an online, pleasure product boutique.
And last year, we actually won Online Boutique of the Year, so that was very exciting. So that’s just the very, very basics about me and what I do.
Alonzo banx: Well, thank you for coming back again. And I’m gonna not take up a lot of the, the talking time tonight ’cause you and I got to talk last week. But the crew got a chance to, listen to that call and then look over some of the materials. Guys, got any questions for Carolyn?
Carolyn: Hit me people
Noah: yeah, I just wanted to talk a little bit about, um, you know, the– one of the businesses, I guess, that you’ve founded. , I know that, , one of the key things that you’ve been really, , dealing with is, , basically po- [00:04:00] body positivity, right? And as I understand, you know, Pleasure Curve was really designed around, , body positivity.
Um, i- you know, in polyamory, we are all about love, and we have many different types of partners, often, you know, from very skinny to not so skinny and everywhere in between. And I’m actually curious about, you know, , kinda some of the, the interesting aspects or maybe challenges that you experienced in trying to design something that was more accepting, , while also feeling like you’re being sexy at the same time.
Carolyn: I mean, like, plus-sized people are incredibly sexy, you know? And I’m, I’m actually in business with my sister, and we’ve both been plus-size our entire lives, and we just kinda felt that there’s just no representation, right? In, in all aspects of pretty much everything. But when it comes to pleasure products, you know, and, and just sex in general, there can be certain challenges when you’re [00:05:00] living in not even just a plus-sized body, but even just in, like, an older body or a body That’s differently abled. And, you know, I think that not only are plus-sized people overlooked on the packaging and the sizing of things, but also in, you know, marketing to them and in the functionality of a lot of the things that are out there. So I was like, “Okay. Well, if you’re not gonna market to us, then I’m gonna figure out what works and, you know, just do it myself.” ‘Cause I’ve had many conversations in the industry, you know, saying, “Why don’t you have more plus pi-sized people on your packaging?” Right? Like, why isn’t there more representation? But it’s just like with everything else, it’s, it’s slow to evolve. So I just thought, “All right, so let’s just– let’s do this.” So every product that we have has, like, a curve appeal on it, so we look for specific things that are gonna work better with a larger body.
No matter [00:06:00] what, you know, gender you are, we’ve got something for everybody.
Noah: That’s great
Heather: I mean, I consider myself, , plus size. But how does the product differ from the vibrators, dildos, the sex toys I’ve seen in the store to your products?
Carolyn: The thing is too that they don’t because nobody is designing specifically in a lot of ways, right? So it’s a matter of saying like, “Okay, well, this vibrator has a, a more extended handle, or it’s got a extended handle with a curve to it, so that way, you know, it can reach places.” Because, you know, when people have bodies, sometimes they can’t even reach the places that they wanna reach, and then also being with a partner can be more difficult.
So you’re looking for lots of different things. You’re looking for, um, things like strap-on harnesses that are going to be adjustable and fit larger sizes, right? You’re looking at things that are long, like for a dildo, [00:07:00] maybe you want long but still narrow, which is actually really hard to find, but you need the extra length, you need the extra reach. , Those are the big things that we really look for, right? That is just gonna make things easier for people to get to the places they wanna get to.
Alonzo banx: John
Jon: So I, I think I just have sort of a, more of a businessy kind of question actually. , I’m, I’m working on my own website and, and, , I have all these designs in my head of what I think it should be and, and how I wanna target my audience, all these different things. I do wanna make money off of this site, but I also want to provide a service. And I know for you that you have, , certain like, , sex positive advocacy kind of stuff going on, but you also have products?
at the same time. Is there a way that you delineate between the two? Is there a way that you can– that you balance that?
Carolyn: It’s honestly, I mean, you know, I started on the retail side of things, and then over time, I’ve been doing this for almost 13 years now. So it was kinda after… I mean, I always kind of, I made the websites [00:08:00] because I believed that I wanted to be more accessible and get products out to people and, and have a look and a feel that would make people more comfortable, to not have shame about shopping for pleasure products.
So, you know, the advocacy grew and grew, and the education grew, and I got my certification. It’s honestly, it’s kind of sometimes it’s walking a tightrope, but I think because the site itself is so established, it gives me more freedom now to focus more on, you know, my own educational stuff, doing appearances and speaking and things like that, which I love to do. But then, you know, the next day I could be sitting in my office coding something which I never thought I’d ever say in my entire life because, you know, when you have a website like that that has a service, you are literally, you’re either gonna pay for somebody to do each little thing for you, or you’re gonna learn a little bit of everything really, really fast. [00:09:00] So yeah.
Jon: Thanks
Alonzo banx: Blake, you had something you wanted?
Blake: Yeah, I was, I was curious. You were, had mentioned, in addition to different body sizes, there’s also as we get older, we see our bodies changing in various ways, and I wondered if you might, uh, say something about that.
Carolyn: Ooh, that is a whole… And it’s really interesting too, because, you know, like, I find that there’s, there’s so many people who are now trying to market to the whole menopause, um, you know, all, all women who are going through menopause, and it’s this huge thing right now. Uh, and I’m thinking, well, it’s about time in a lot of ways, although I do think that. you know, men are getting a little left behind with this because there’s things that they need as well.
So again, you know, the, um, it’s, it’s not, there’s not a lot of products that are specifically, specifically marketing to people as they get older, and there’s not a lot of acknowledgement that our bodies do get older and things [00:10:00] change, right? Maybe you can’t do that position anymore because your knees aren’t gonna do it, or your hip is sore or, you know, you don’t have the stamina or your hormones are out of whack, or, you know, like, and, and, and, and, and, right?
As we get older, there’s so many things that our bodies go through. Um, and so, you know, I think that it takes somebody kind of with my kind of expertise to kind of be able to pick and choose what is going to work at all these different stages. But there really is something for everybody out there. Um, you’d be surprised the kinds of things that can help you if you open to it.
But I think there’s still a lot of shame and a lot of stigma, and I think too that there’s not… think we see so much in the movies and on TV and in porn that is so unrealistic, and we don’t acknowledge, right, how, well, that’s unrealistic even for somebody who’s, like, 25, let alone somebody who’s 55, 65, [00:11:00] 75, right? so, you know, I think that if we actually were talking more about what was happening with our bodies, that there’s nothing to be ashamed of, that, you know what, like, I need a bol- I need a bolster under my back. My back is sore. I can’t be in that position anymore. , I, you know, I need maybe some, like, gel that’s gonna help me become more aroused.
Like, there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re just, they’re just tools to help you. So that’s something that I’m really passionate about. And you know, I, I spend a lot of time talking about it and writing about it, so
Blake: i’m, I’m curious, I’m curious about how, um, can… Sometimes I think m- men may be threatened by toys coming into the bedroom, that they may feel like, “Uh-oh, this is doing something I can never do, um, uh, you know, for my lady,” and that kind of thing. And I’m wondering, y- you know, how, how can you help men adjust to the idea that, uh, [00:12:00] this is actually, , beneficial for everybody?
Carolyn: Yeah. And it is, right? I mean, the thing is, like a vibrator is not gonna hug you or kiss you, you know, or give you all that closeness. Um, really it’s just, I mean, it can just be something really fun that’s gonna introduce some different sensations for both of you, right? I mean, if, if you’re thinking, you know, that you kinda wanna introduce something, get something that’s for both of you to start out with. And then, you know, there are things out there that are really versatile that, that, you know, she can use it, he can use it, they can use it, and it’s just the way you approach it too, not… Don’t do it, you know, when you’re in bed and frustrated and say, “You know what? Like, can I just get out my vibrator?” Um, you know, talking about it beforehand like, “Hey, what if we introduce this? Like, it’s really cool.” And, and also sometimes, you know, if you’re male who has a partner who’s a [00:13:00] woman, it takes women So much longer to get aroused. Sometimes that vibrator can really bridge that gap and make sure that she’s actually gonna have that orgasm that sometimes she might not have otherwise. So, you know, d- it’s, for men, that is like your best friend. That is not competition. That’s gonna, you know… She’s gonna be very impressed if you learn how to use the vibrator on her
Alonzo banx: Cake, I see you have something you wanted to say, but Noah was up first
Noah: So I might kind of change the subject a little bit. So if Cupcake has something to add to that
Cupcake: Um, yeah, I mean, probably along those lines. So, you know, not, you know, super up there in age. I’m only 38, but I do suffer from arthritis, fibromyalgia, and PMOS, s- and also a heavy masochist on every other day, depending on the day. So I was just kinda wanting to get a little bit of, like, insight on how your products might lean towards people with those kinda [00:14:00] capabilities, and every day is different depending on how I can handle certain feelings and sensations, and just anything that
you can touch on that.
Carolyn: Yeah. Well, and I mean, just for basic mobility stuff, like bolsters, things like that are absolutely amazing. Even things like slings to help you hold up your legs if you’re having a day where you’re sore and you can’t move. And then, I mean, in terms of, you know, what you can handle sensation-wise any given day, you wanna have different options, like if you’re, if you’re talking about toys, right?
There’s, there’s things that.
are stronger than others, there’s things that are gentler. You know, some days maybe you can’t have anything near you at all, and it’s gonna drive you crazy. Like for things like, well, PMLS, I mean, you know, that’s a rough road. That can– you know, you’re really uncomfortable sometimes. And sometimes, you know, you don’t want anything in, on, or around you, and that’s fine too. There’s lots of different ways that you can have pleasure without [00:15:00] having something inserted in you too. So have a variety of things so that you’re like, “Okay, this isn’t working for me today. Maybe we can try this instead.”
And if– There’s nothing wrong with that. I mean, everyone has something every day that, you know, this was cool today, but now, you know, the next day, just keep it away from me. I can’t stand it. So yeah, maybe just a little bit of a variety of things that you can kinda go between. Does that help?
Noah: I’m taking notes.
Cupcake: Oh, good
Noah: no, I wanted to, uh, talk a little bit about… you’ve already mentioned it actually a little bit earlier talking about shame, and I, I feel like shame is, , essentially the root of a lot of our sexual dysfunction in our society or as individuals in our relationships. And I’m, I’m curious if you have found that, everyone is different in how they deal with shame or if there is kind of a, a consistent, , I don’t know if the word’s ideology [00:16:00] or, , just line of thinking that kind of gets them there that we need to combat.
Should we combat it? You know, how, how is it that you deal with people who are dealing with shame?
Carolyn: It’s some people are, you kind of have to want to get through It if you know what I mean? Like there are some people who are just never going to and they are just, you know, done. There’s, there’s nothing you can really say or do. They just, they’re not gonna change their minds about what they think about certain things.
But, you know, a lot of combating it for the people who are trying to, you know, progress and, and, you know, healthier around their own sexuality is just being very… I try and be very approachable with people, and get them to talk about things and normalize what’s going on, right? I think the, the biggest problem about shame a lot of times is that people just didn’t get any kind of sex ed [00:17:00] I mean, they don’t even know how their bodies work, let alone, you know, that maybe they have, a kink or a preference that is just, they’re, they feel so ashamed about, but it’s something that’s so completely normal that so many people have. Because no one’s talking about it, you can’t know that, right? Yeah. That’s a hard one
Noah: It is a hard one
Carolyn: But really the hard thing too is that it’s really hard to do any kind of, education, like, online. If it’s something that you really want to work your way through, there are so many fantastic sex therapists that you can talk to one-on-one, you know, and try and work through what you’re doing.
But a lot of people are even too embarrassed to do that, so then they’re going and looking, they’re looking for information online, and that’s a double-edged sword because there’s some really horrible information out there, you know, that you have to wade through to, to kind of find the good stuff. It’s, it’s a process, right?
But you have to [00:18:00] wanna start the process
Noah: Yeah, I think you’re right. I think you’re right. I don’t see how you can really convince someone to be, I don’t know, uh, pro-sex or shameless.
Cupcake: Noah. Deal with your shame
Noah: No, you know, it’s…
Carolyn: Yeah, can’t.
Noah: Th- there was a time where I did deal with some shame around that. I don’t think as much as some others, you know? And I was in past relationships that had, you know, where my other partner was dealing with deep shame, uh, you know, whether it was religious or just cultural. But yeah, I think, it’s just some- something that’s been a recurring thing in, in my life that I’ve watched, and there’s just so much pain around it, and it’s,
it saddens me
Carolyn: I mean, you know, if it’s, if it’s that profound, really y- you need to talk to somebody about it because that’s something that you just can’t work through. I mean, you know, you can take some baby steps and try and, you know, do some things on your own, but really honestly, I would say talk to a sex [00:19:00] therapist
Alonzo banx: Carolyn, let’s turn this to a little bit of fun. What cool things are coming out in the sex toy industry? You’re on that
Carolyn: Cool thing. That’s there
Alonzo banx: I joked about I wanted my AI sex robot, and you’ve now told me that it’s, that it’s just around the corner
Carolyn: They, yeah. I mean, come on. Like you said, there’s not g- there’s never gonna be a technology that’s invented that they’re not gonna apply to some kind of a sex toy,
Noah: First. Yeah
Carolyn: I mean, of course. So, yeah, I mean, the robots. And I mean, there’s also a difference between what’s gonna be readily available any time soon and then what they’re kind of showing at some of these shows that are, like, where they’re applying some of the technology to.
But,
Alonzo banx: nut.
Carolyn: know-
Alonzo banx: I want it to walk in, talk to me, and make my dinner before. I mean
Noah: So, so there’s a good question I actually have then, Carolyn, is how do you feel about that in, in the sense of how that [00:20:00] might affect relationships? When you have something that is closer to a humanoid partner that you could have sex with, does that maybe negatively affect our relationships? I’m curious.
Carolyn: I mean, it depends, right? Because I know couples that have like a, you know, not a robot because they’re not quite there yet, but like one of those, you know, life-sized dolls and it’s just part of their kind of what they do together because then you can kind of have simulated threesomes and without introducing another person. And then of course there’s gonna be people who maybe don’t have a very good, healthy relationship with these things. And, and I think like the, the dolls that used to exist that you would hear about people who, you know, they dress them up and they talk to them and that’s their relationship and there’s a whole community based around that, and now that’s extending into AI, right?
There’s a lot more, um, AI coming, AI relationships, AI built into things like, strokers where you [00:21:00] used to have, um, you still do, where you have certain things that can attach to cam performers. Now you can have them that attach to AI performers and some of the companies are just making like AI girlfriends. I mean, how you feel about it in your relationship is something between you… Some people, you know, they’re absolutely fine with it and some people it becomes a huge problem
Noah: Yeah, I wonder if, if there is… ‘Cause I imagine that there was probably a similar discussion about vibrators or wands or whatever, right? “Well, what if she falls in love with that and doesn’t need me anymore?” Or whatever, right? And so I wonder, is that the same conversation we’re having, or is this a new thing that really, you know, changes things?
Carolyn: This is a new thing, right? Because like I said, a wand can’t hug you, but an AI companion, even if you’re just chatting online, [00:22:00] is always gonna affirm your feelings, right? That’s their, that’s what they’re made to do. They’re made to tell you that you’re wonderful and everything you say is correct, and they love you So much, and it’s unconditional.
Like a vibrator is not doing that. It’s a whole different level of conversation now that’s g- that’s gonna be happening around this
Jon: So the other day I did get into an argument with my car, and it was, , it was unfriendly. I, , this is probably super unrelated, and I’m sorry, but, , I was talking about something that I needed some kind of advice, and it, , had to do with, My gosh, I didn’t know– I don’t even remember what the subject, I’m sorry.
But, uh, but when it came up, I– the– my car was suggesting to me that, , it was basically describing me in a way that was like, “You’re a, an older, , dad bod type of guy,” stuff, all this stuff, whatever. Like, it had this whole description of me in, in how it was discussing something with me and, and it included like, “You’re wearing flip-flops, you’re doing this and this.”
And, and I’m just… And I’m sitting there driving my car [00:23:00] in my flip-flops thinking, “How does this car describe me without even really seeing me fully?” , And it, and it made me a little bit upset at the time. , The point of this for me is that I really do see that is bridging that emotional gap in ways that I wasn’t really expecting.
And it– and you’re suggesting that it might be, you know, feeding me what I want, but this one in particular did not feed me what I wanted at all. , But, but I think that that might be part of that, , part of the reality of, of a relationship with an AI, is that it will have that capacity kinda to outsmart me at some point
Carolyn: I mean, you know, there are people who have– I mean, my kids are like 21 and 25, right? And they’ll come to me and they’re like, “Oh my God, people are… I’ve been hearing that people are having actual relationships with AI characters that they create.” And that’s the difference, right? [00:24:00] Because AI is really just a word calculator, so whatever you’re feeding into it is kind of what it’s giving back.
So if, you’re looking for companionship and a relationship and somebody to listen to all your problems, then that’s the stuff it’s gonna affirm, and that’s the stuff that’s just so scary in a lot of ways. I mean… And yeah, it’s, it’s already being applied to robots, fake girlfriends, um, animations. Like a lot of them are just AI characters animated that come with like the toys and things like that.
But I mean, we all see what AI’s doing, right? This is gonna progress. I mean, I can’t even, I can’t even imagine if I were to go to one of the shows in China right now, the kinds of things that I’d be seeing. I, I don’t know if I want to know
Alonzo banx: Oh, I s- I so, I,
Carolyn: I don’t think I’m ready for it
Alonzo banx: wanna know. I gotta sit back and watch it. I’ve got a, I’ve got a friend of mine who’s about 10 years older than I am, who is madly in love with his online avatar. He [00:25:00] carries her around in a
Carolyn: Yeah
Alonzo banx: He introduces her to people. They have conversations.
Carolyn: Yeah.
Alonzo banx: once you start putting that
Carolyn: Yeah
Alonzo banx: sex toy, you know, it’s an industry that’s, that’s designed to do that.
It’s potato chips. They want you to keep eating more.
Noah: On that same subject, I did wanna, um, say that, you know, to your point, Alonzo, , you know, you got a friend who’s got AI and is introducing everybody to it, et cetera. You know, and I, and I actually think about someone that I met briefly with Cupcake actually at, , kind of a fetish goth club, , several months back.
And, uh, you know, he wanted to hang out, and he, you know, kinda seemed like an okay guy, and I’m sure he is. , But all he really wanted to do was kinda talk to the girls about his AI girlfriend and show them, show it to them. And it was kind of just a weird conversation to have in general, and it turned everybody off.
And I, I had this weird [00:26:00] feeling of kind of the same, the same thing. I felt like this is a really awkward thing. I don’t really know how to deal with you other than say, “Thanks. Have a great night. We’re gonna be over here now.” But also just kind of this weird sadness of, you know, I think he’s trying to reach out and find human connection but doesn’t know how to do it, so really he’s only getting it from this AI.
And, uh, I don’t know this to be true, but I feel like I’ve witnessed it more with, with, , men doing this, versus women.
Carolyn: Mm-hmm.
Noah: Um, and I, and I just… It’s an interesting and sad phenomenon to me, and I’m just… I’m, I’m trying to figure out how we might combat this and reconnect as human beings again, but I’m at a loss.
Carolyn: I mean, a lot of it… men are not encouraged to talk about their feelings. That’s th- that’s really what it’s coming down to, right? So if you have something that’s never going to disagree with you and tell you you’re wrong, that’s gonna listen to everything that you need to say, [00:27:00] know, that’s always gonna be appealing.
So, you know, a- and I mean, the whole manosphere situation, when you start looking at that and all this toxic masculinity that’s going on, I mean, it’s, in some ways, it, uh, for some men, they’re so much better than they were, right? I mean, my kids, they’ll talk about their feelings. They’re young men. It’s great.
But then, you know, but then there’s the wh- the other side of the coin where I can see why that would be appealing because you can’t… You’re afraid to talk to somebody for fear of, you know, I don’t know, seeming weak, seeming… I, I don’t know what they’re thinking. But it is really sad. I don’t know. I think toxic masculinity has a lot to do with it.
Alonzo banx: think we’re starting to draw a line here between a sexual aid, a toy, and an intimacy aid that builds a relationship.
Carolyn: Yeah.
Alonzo banx: And, and I
Carolyn: Yeah
Alonzo banx: easy because we’re at the [00:28:00] beginning of this curve to conflate the two of those together, where the reality is they’re very different things. A vibrator is not
Carolyn: Yeah
Alonzo banx: job as an online chatbot. Tho- those are scratching two very different itches.
Carolyn: Yeah.
Alonzo banx: Cupcake, you were going off all kinds of bouncing around when Noah was telling his story about this person that you met
Cupcake: Oh, only because I had a very different experience with this person. But it was actually pretty funny, and I don’t mean to, like, call out Cookie, but she was more having this conversation with this gentleman than I was. I was kind of like, “No, this guy’s weird,” and kind of, like, zoned out the whole time. but it… At one point, it did feel like he was trying to, insinuate having a threesome with Cookie and his AI girlfriend at one point. And I just was like, “This is the point where I step out.” So I’m just, like, having my whole thought process on it is, like, I’m [00:29:00] glad that aids for or you know, specifically men, to talk about their feelings and have somebody that’s responding to it.
But I, I mean, I don’t wanna turn this whole conversation into being, like, about AI. But I almost kind of feel like there’s a negative to that in the sense of this, this entity is agreeing with everything this person is saying, which may not be healthy either. But that’s Just my opinion.
Alonzo banx: Well, I think you’re very right on both counts. I don’t wanna turn this away from our guest tonight and talking about what she’s doing. And yes, AI is entirely designed to make you fall in love with it and, and want more of it. So Carolyn, tell us about some of the work that you’re doing to help normalize this sort of thing.
How do, how do you approach that in the community?
Carolyn: Oof. You know, it’s so hard because there’s so much censorship right now, you know? Um, and it, it’s, it’s not getting any better, so it’s, [00:30:00] it’s hard to do any kind of education online. I actually banned from YouTube. Had a YouTube channel for many years, but they took it down due to content, and they were like, “Nope, you can’t have it back.
That’s it.” So that leaves you with Instagram, which is incredibly difficult. You have to be so careful. I can’t even say the proper words for, you know, genitalia. You just have to be so cautious about everything that you do. So you know, I will do speaking where I can. Sometimes I’ll go to, like I’m doing the menopause show.
I love doing that, being able to speak. Because I think when, when I can speak one-on-one, w- one to a group with people, then they, they find it relatable, you know? And I love being able to do that because so much of my work is online, so when I can actually get in front of people it’s so exciting. but man, man, it’s tough, right?
I mean, you can put as much information out there as you can, but you just never know when [00:31:00] the censors are gonna be like, “Nope, sorry, we’re shadow banning you.”
Alonzo banx: I deal with that a lot
Carolyn: Yeah. I’m sure
Alonzo banx: Well, and you went up. Go ahead, cupcake
Cupcake: Uh, I had a question. As someone that has recently, well, not recently, but, been trying to follow a path in, like, project management, I was curious on how you kind of, like, crowdsource or decide what your next products are needed or, like, what– do you get that kind of information? How do you just start, like, start that kind of project?
Carolyn: I go to a lot of trade shows, and so I mean, I’m not making anything myself originally. It seems like actually every ti- well, honestly, I know a lot of people that work for the manufacturers, and there have been times where I’ll have an idea and actually will talk to them about it, and then they will kind of incorporate that into a new product.
So that is very cool. So I… A lot of the industry’s in California, right? And, uh, California and then a lot of the [00:32:00] trade shows are either there or in Vegas. So I’m usually at trade shows, can be like five or six times a year, seeing what’s new and what’s come out. because you just… nothing like being able to hold something in your hand, right, and see what it feels like and how it functions and how it actually works. There have been things that I see online or in a picture, and I’m like, “That looks so cool.” And then I put it in my hand, and I’m like, “This is not gonna work.” Right? So I spend a lot of time doing stuff like that. And then kind of picking and choosing like, oh, if you, if there’s actually something really new and cool that’s come out, of course, you’re gonna bring that in.
But even sometimes it’s also just cherry-picking, like little, this is just a little bit better than the last version of something, so we’re gonna bring that in. Um, holes in your inventory, right? If somebody does come up with something that’s really cool like, like a long wand with a curved arm where you’re like, “Oh, that’d be so great for, you know, this, that, or next thing.”[00:33:00]
Um, so yeah, I spend a lot of… I was just actually in California a few weeks ago at a trade show looking at all the fun new stuff that’s coming out
Alonzo banx: Blake. I, see you. John, you were up next
Jon: I, yeah, Just uh, I was curious from your perspective, is there any kind of product or feature for a product that you feel is, uh, missing? Is there a gap in the, uh, in retail right now?
Carolyn: I think missing They’re getting better actually, but th-there was one thing that I was thinking was missing is, um, having different things for men with ED, um, for, like erection support. There were things that I was feeling like were kind of missing, and now?
One of the manufacturers actually just brought out something that was pretty much exactly what I was asking them to bring out, which is like a, a sleeve, but it also has enough support in it that you don’t have to h- be fully erect to use it, and then it has some vibration as well, so that works for you and your partner. It’s just little things like that [00:34:00] sometimes that I’m like, “Just why, why didn’t somebody think of this? Like why, why does this not exist yet?” but I mean, who knows, right? Sometimes too, th-they’ll come out with a new technology that you couldn’t have thought of in a million years, and it’ll just blow your mind.
Blake: Lana is asking, she says, “I’m curious and adventurous, and I have a fun partner. What toy or product could you recommend us to try, and what are your favorite toys and products?”
Carolyn: I mean, favorites are always gonna depend too on, like, who’s using it And how you’re gonna use it. I always say, like, everybody is different, so I’ve always, I always kind of gear favorites more according to what the person is saying that they’re kind of looking for in a way. So, like, for an adventurous couple, there’s a lot of, , really cool remote control toys that are out now. There’s also ones that you can… that are Bluetooth that you can, like, if your partner has– Well, it doesn’t really matter what configuration genitalia [00:35:00] you have because they’ll all talk to one another. So, you know, you could have a vibrator and a vibrator, you could have a stroker and a stroker, a stroker and a vibrator, and they can talk to each other by Bluetooth and be responsive to one another and what they’re doing. So you can be in, well, you can be across the world from each other, and you can be, controlling each other’s toys. And you can even, in the apps that they have now, you can go in and make specific patterns that you wanna do. There are– You can have them pl- like, vibrate to a certain playlist that you like. There’s just, that kind of stuff is really, really cool. Yeah. Like, even to the sound of a voice, like, if you’re gonna talk and it’ll, you know. There’s so many different options with these kind of long-distance toys now. That is very cool.
Blake: One of the things that we’ve, come across is, actually a medical device that is helpful for warming up. And once we get warmed up, Then that’s a whole ‘nother world as well
Carolyn: A [00:36:00] medical device? are medical devices. Come
Blake: Yeah. Well, that’s what it is. It’s,
Carolyn: They are
Blake: this is a, it’s a vibrating, it’s a device that vibrates and is warm and, and, uh, is very, uh, delightful
Carolyn: I mean, honestly, like vibrators should be able to be prescribed in a lot of cases. Like the Hitachi Magic Wand, it’s not called Hitachi anymore, but I mean, that’s been around since the 1960s. It’s one of the oldest, it’s probably the oldest vibrator that’s still around, and that is a Class A medical device.
It is a massager, like there’s, there’s… Oh, where was I seeing that? Oh, it was in another country that they were able to prescribe certain, certain types of vibrators for certain things. I mean, really, you know, they are marketed as novelties, but so many of them have these like fantastic uses, and that is a medical use.
I mean, like sexual health is part of health, right? [00:37:00]
Blake: Absolutely.
Carolyn: So
Blake: Is there a danger of getting desensitized? Like, if the vibration over time, you need more vibration or, or you can’t get satisfied without vibration? And i- if so, w- how would you recommend dealing with, uh, getting desensitized?
Carolyn: I mean, the thing with that is desensitized?
to something, there are people like you, you know, you’re using your vibrator, and maybe you’ve used it for too long, and you’re feeling kind of numb. It’s like, take a break. Things will spring back. But, you know, I think you don’t get permanent desensitization.
That’s not a thing. But on the speed that a vibrator can bring to your orgasm can get kind of addictive, right? I mean, I wouldn’t say… It’s not the vibrators themselves. It’s, it’s just that sometimes if you take a really long time to orgasm, if you take a really long time to get [00:38:00] aroused, then, don’t have a lot of time, right, then it can be really tempting to kind of just reach for that vibrator.
And I’ve had a lot of women who are like, “Yeah, you know, over the years, I just, I know what works, so I grab it, and it takes me, like, I don’t know, five, six, seven minutes, and that’s it. Like, how do I, how do I go back to the way things were?” And it’s like, just, you have to just go back to the way things were.
Like, wean yourself off, and learn about s- building sensation again, slowly, and it’s still… And it’ll take longer than probably it used to, but you’ll get back there again. But yeah, the whole vibrators are gonna cause you permanent damage, that’s… You spring back
Noah: Then when you said take a break, I just wanna know when I’m, you know, laying next to Cupcake, is it, a, a few Mississippis? Is it 10 Mississippis? How long is the break, you know?
Carolyn: I, well, if you’re numb, then you’re gonna have to, like, turn it off [00:39:00] for the evening, right? And let the, let the nerve endings, like, start firing again. ‘Cause some things… The other thing too is, like, if you’re using a vibrator and it’s always making you numb, that vibrator is too powerful for you, right? I mean, some people just go straight for that big wand that is like a motorboat, and it is so powerful, and always need that.
Cupcake: That’s his favorite
Carolyn: try- It’s a
Noah: The 60
Carolyn: Wands are
Noah: that’s what I heard. 60 Miss-
Cupcake: you could not touch me with it tomorrow
Carolyn: that. Exact- right? I mean, some people love it. Some, like some people, when you even put, like you even show them the wand and you turn it on, they’re like, “Whoa, get that thing away from me.” And then some people are like, “Nope, full power for a maximum amount of time.” It’s just, it’s personal, right? But yes, if you’re, if you’re numb and you don’t like the feeling, yeah, lay off for a little while.
Cupcake: Don’t get me wrong, I [00:40:00] love it.
Carolyn: long that is is up to you. Yeah
Cupcake: But after, you know, three orgasms, I need to, I need to… I can feel my entire insides vibrating for like 10 minutes
Alonzo banx: Carolyn, as we’re coming to the end of our show, tell people how they can find out more about you and your stuff and your store. Give us all the rundown
Carolyn: Okay. Bettyystoybox.com, that is the store, and I’m on Instagram just under my name, Carolyn Eagle, and I post a lot of, well, as much as I can without getting banned, educational stuff on there. So, you know, and also though on the website, like we do have a blog. I write a lot for that. I do s- about how to use products and things like that, whenever I can without getting banned as well.
You know, it’s always a slippery slope, but, those are probably the best places to find me
Alonzo banx: Noah, Heather, Cupcake, Blake, John, Lana, and of course, Carolyn Eagle, thank you for being with us tonight. [00:41:00] This has been the Poly SoCal Podcast, and I’m Alonzo Banks. Good night, everyone
Heather: Bye