In this week’s PolySoCal Roundtable, host Alonzo Banx and an inspiring panel of voices explore one of the most persistent myths in ethical non-monogamy—the idea that fairness means splitting time equally between partners. Through candid stories, laughter, and heartfelt insights, they reveal why emotional presence, intentionality, and genuine connection matter far more than keeping the calendar balanced. From practical tools like “love cups” check-ins to the deep value of being fully present with each partner, this conversation offers a compassionate, real-world guide for nurturing multiple relationships without losing sight of what truly fills the heart.
Alonzo Banx (00:01.448)
Welcome back everyone to the Poly SoCal Roundtable. As always, I’m Alonzo Banks and we have an absolutely amazing group with us tonight. Hi everybody. So I’ve got a question for the table. But before that, let’s go around and everyone, for people at home who don’t have the pleasure of seeing you, explain who you are and give a quick explanation of.
Captain Lynn (00:10.902)
Hi.
Jon (00:11.649)
Hello?
Heather (00:12.71)
Bye!
Patty (00:14.057)
up.
Alonzo Banx (00:29.042)
your name, why you’re here and what your connection to this lifestyle is. And we’re to go around to my screen order. So in no particular order, Heather.
Heather (00:39.003)
Hi, I’m Heather. I’m married and I’m in a polycool dating John and Patty.
Alonzo Banx (00:50.344)
Well, welcome. And for the clarity for everyone, we have four members of a polycule, two couples on tonight, Heather being one of them. And the next person around on my screen who is not part of that polycule is Dawn.
Dawn (00:52.085)
Okay, well I’m Dawn. I am brand new to learning all about the lifestyle and finding out where I fit and asking lots of questions.
Alonzo Banx (01:17.042)
Welcome. Thrilled to have you here tonight. And please put us to task. Ask good questions. We’re ready. We’re ready for you. Okay. And then to her side, Captain Lin.
Dawn (01:19.519)
Thank you.
Dawn (01:23.923)
I will. Okay.
Captain Lynn (01:30.989)
Hi, everybody. Yes, I’m Captain Lin. I have a background in experience on both sides over this kind of relationship, polycules being on the primary side of a relationship and dating other people in that. And also being the, you guys got to help me with the right term, the extra person. And then right now I actually, I.
Dawn (01:51.157)
you
Captain Lynn (01:56.173)
I’d I polydate. Like I’ve got a couple of lovers in different cities and nobody that’s really consistent, but there’s still a bit of navigating around that as well emotionally.
Alonzo Banx (02:07.474)
Captain. Next up, Mr. Beeb.
Captain Lynn (02:08.396)
Thank you.
Beeb (02:12.066)
Hello, I’m Beeb, I’m married to Heather and dating Patty and I’m part of the Polycool.
Alonzo Banx (02:20.754)
Welcome. And my often co-host, Patty.
Patty (02:27.304)
Hi, I’m Patti. I’m co-hosting with Alonzo. I have been married to John for 29 years, somewhere around there, together for 31. We have been in this, I guess, lifestyle for pretty much our whole relationship. I am dating Heather and Peeb. And yeah.
I am a psychology major right now. I plan to emphasize or have an emphasis on the LGBTQ plus kink poly community. And so this is right up my alley.
Alonzo Banx (03:10.398)
Thank you and last tonight, John.
Jon (03:14.581)
Hello, hello, I’m John. I am married to Patty for a very long time now, 29 years as she mentioned. I am dating Heather and Beeb is my metaphor.
Alonzo Banx (03:29.8)
thrilled to have everyone here tonight. So remember that the kind of the floor plan for this is I’m going to throw out a question and then it’s an open dialogue. We keep the conversation going for about 30 minutes. Feel free to jump in, ask each other questions. You know, this is a, it is a round table conversation intended not only for the people here, but for our home audience to understand how this all works and how we survive in these relationships.
Dawn (03:31.602)
So, thank you.
Alonzo Banx (03:59.432)
So the question on the table tonight, the myth of equal time, why fairness in ethical non-monogamy isn’t about splitting hours, but it’s about the emotional presence and intentionality. How does that statement resonate with each of you?
So,
Captain Lynn (04:24.427)
You
jump in if I can, like my experience in that. Because my first experience was with a triad. I was very, very brand new and at that point in time it was a swimming community, but it still was a triad and a truffle, I guess we’re calling it now. you know, I got Thursday nights, Jeff always came over and stayed with me on Thursday nights and Tuesday nights I often went and stayed at their place and then the weekends all three of us would spend together.
Dawn (04:51.795)
Okay.
Captain Lynn (04:57.417)
And it was a really nice combination. But I actually found I got jealousy, kind of I got caught up in the jealousy of going, man, you get to go home to each other. You get to have that other life, like that cohabitating, working through life, holidays. And know, on holidays, I sometimes felt like I was left alone. I wasn’t invited to their holiday events. So I wanted to start dating other people.
Because I really didn’t understand the dynamics, I didn’t have the words to really talk about that back then. So we ended up having some jealousy really arise in my partner Jeff at the time. And it ended up creating a lot of lessons learned in the long run. I think the key that I have now to that situation is to be honest about where I was emotionally and feeling like I was left out.
It turned out he really was hoping I would only date him and that he spent enough time with me that I didn’t need another partner. So we never really had an open conversation about that before. It just kind of happened. So my lessons learned in that is like, I guess it’s just sharing that story and knowing that if you are stepping into that kind of relationship that
telling your own truths about where you’re at in a relationship and kind of continue to come back to it. Because things shift. Things change over time. And who you might have been at the beginning of your relationship when you agreed to be open might be shifting for you over time. it just needs to be revisited and check in with each other. So that’s kind of one of my lessons learned on there around time and presence. Yeah.
Patty (06:49.436)
I’ll go second. I think that within our our polycule, we are hierarchical. So John and my relationship does come first, I spend like a bulk of our time together and Heather and have their marriage and they spend the bulk of their time together. And then we get together as much as we can as a quad and then Heather and I have dates and Bebe and I have dates and
John and Bebe will go do guy things. But the thing with equality for us is it’s more about the quality time that we spend together, not necessarily a fairness thing. It’s more of like meeting the emotional needs that we have with each other. we had something come up. John had a old coworker who was having a birthday party and it was a gaming night.
all board games. I don’t like a lot of games. I’m not a gamer that much. Heather and Bieber are trying to convince me into that a little bit. that’s more of a Heather thing. so rather than I would, I was saying, can you go instead? And viewing it as like, we each want different things. We each like and enjoy different things. So
For me to say, it’s not fair that I’m not going to play that game night and Heather gets to go to that game night without me would be silly because I really don’t want to go to that. I would rather her get to go and experience that with John and I would rather go do something that I enjoy too. But I think for us in our quad, it’s more about the quality time that we get together, not necessarily fairness in that and more about the emotional needs being met.
within our defined boundaries as a quad.
Heather (08:50.593)
It’s definitely not fair. I don’t spend an equal amount of time with all my partners. I wish I could, but it’s just not reasonable. We all have other obligations to tend to, so I guess I’m really present when I’m with that partner, so I’m not checking my phone. If I can avoid answering phone calls, I just won’t.
And that’s how I try to be intentional with my time.
Patty (09:27.72)
John, what do you think?
Jon (09:30.866)
What do I think? I think for the most part, we kind of guide ourselves a little bit by what each other is needing at any given time. So if somebody is feeling a little bit more detached, a little bit more empty, they might get a little bit more priority on getting some time spent with them, with the person with whom that they’re feeling the most detached from and stuff like that.
We kind of call it our cups at the moment. We have our love cups and our sex cups, and we’re constantly trying to fill them and keep them full as much as we possibly can. But it really helps to communicate kind of where we’re at and be able to give each other kind of a status on how we’re feeling, which is tricky sometimes, I think, if you don’t have some kind of tool like that to really get that point across. for us, it seems to work pretty good so far.
Alonzo Banx (10:27.262)
Bebe, I want to give you time to answer that, but John, I want to question one thing that you just said. You talk about your cups. How do you communicate that? What tool do you use to say, my cup’s empty. I need attention. When you’re talking to, in your condition, three other people, it’s hard enough sometimes to look at a single spouse and say, I’m needing. How do you do that times four?
Jon (10:41.653)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Jon (10:48.769)
Mm-hmm.
It can be done. So we have a group chat that we have on WhatsApp, or actually it’s just a regular text group chat that we have going on. And then we get into like individual meetings on WhatsApp sometimes or video calls with each other and reach out whenever, really whenever we want to. at some times we might want to bring up the fact that we’re really missing somebody for some reason or just at the moment we haven’t seen each other in a while.
want to figure out some way that we can get connected.
Patty (11:25.016)
something that we did recently that I think Heather started that I really enjoyed and that was we talked about where our love cups are permanent, are right at the moment with each other. So Heather was like my love cup for Patty and my sex cup with Patty and ranked it like 50 % full and and stuff and so it really gave us insight to where we were at, all of us at as a group and individually with each other in that moment and I found that to be really helpful and enlightening.
So that’s something that I like that we’re doing currently. Beeb, what do you think?
Beeb (12:02.442)
So I think the level of fairness is really going to depend on what type of poly you are. So like we’re hierarchical, so we’re going to primarily be with our spouses. If you are, I forget some of the other terms, like what is it, anarchists, where it’s a little more, you’re all over spread all over the board. You’re going to be more, I guess, fair, you can say.
Alonzo Banx (12:42.334)
What are your thoughts? How does this sound?
Captain Lynn (12:44.615)
You
Captain Lynn (12:48.081)
She’s lost audio.
Alonzo Banx (12:49.479)
Have you watched audio?
Jon (12:49.875)
on, you’re showing us mute at the moment, so don’t know if you can unmute.
Alonzo Banx (12:54.241)
don’t have a can I unmute.
Dawn (12:54.735)
I was having trouble hearing it was breaking up a lot.
Alonzo Banx (13:00.26)
yeah, one of the things about this software is that’s why we use this in the end. Everything he said will be crystal clear. But for those of us actually on the conversation, you were kind of broken up there, baby. You lost your you lost some bandwidth as you were talking.
Captain Lynn (13:19.857)
Does a health of beep turns off his video?
Alonzo Banx (13:22.845)
You can try that.
Alonzo Banx (13:27.026)
We’ll see if that corrects any of it. And by the way, I’ll edit all of this part out.
Heather (13:31.932)
And Beeb, if you can move closer to the front would be better.
Heather (13:40.828)
Mm-hmm.
Alonzo Banx (13:42.302)
And his microphone is off. There we go.
Captain Lynn (13:45.584)
muted.
Beeb (13:46.208)
I can’t do that. I’m on my, on the big screens.
Heather (13:51.387)
Ooh, the audio does work better now.
Alonzo Banx (13:51.655)
at
Yeah, the audio is a lot better.
Patty (13:54.706)
Yeah.
Alonzo Banx (13:58.312)
So, nice little speed bump in our conversation, but let me go back to you, Don. How new is this to you and how does this, what questions does this bring up for you? And I’m sorry, I’m gonna keep picking on you tonight, because I love that, I love the outside quote unquote view.
Dawn (14:10.542)
that’s okay.
Dawn (14:18.927)
You know what? I’m 100 % new and I’m listening to what a beautiful relationship this sounds like. And I can’t believe that I’ve never done this before because it’s so beautifully respectful and everybody gets full. I just love this. You guys are just, this is amazing.
Really, I love the way you guys talk to each other and make sure that you’re doing okay and wow, it’s very impressive.
Jon (14:49.449)
It’s really decades of therapy that has gotten us here. It’s really done a lot for us. yeah, yeah.
Patty (14:52.195)
You
Dawn (14:53.614)
Really? I think if more marriages were like what you guys are doing, I think that they would last.
Jon (15:04.033)
Yeah, would say too, sorry, I would say too that some of these skills that we’re picking up and using apply to just mono relationships too. That’s really not that far detached from that as well. So yeah.
Alonzo Banx (15:04.488)
one of the
Dawn (15:19.758)
Yeah, but you see that you don’t see mono relationships as speaking to each other like that. For some reason, your relationship opens that up when other people don’t seem to be able to find that balance.
Alonzo Banx (15:34.568)
From what I’ve always seen, it’s hand in glove. The communication and empathy necessary to maintain a poly relationship mean that people who maintain poly relationships tend to be really good at empathy and communication. And those who are not good at it don’t have sustainable poly relationships.
Dawn (15:52.206)
Yeah.
Captain Lynn (16:03.013)
I want to chime in on something Heather said. I loved Heather how you brought up the fact that when you’re with the person you’re with, you’re not getting on your phone and talking to another partner or you’re trying to be really present. Because I think that is so key when we’re talking about fairness. I could be out on date with you Heather, but if you’re off doing something else, why spend the time?
Heather (16:03.089)
Okay.
Captain Lynn (16:31.855)
just to click, you know, to log something on our ledger, if I could say it that way. So I love that you pointed that out, about how you’re staying present and, you know, unless something’s an emergency, I suspect you would pick that up. But I like that a lot.
Heather (16:54.015)
I value time greatly. Not only do I value my own time, but I value others’ time because we’re all busy, we all have jobs, other obligations, and so if you’re creating that space for me two hours for lunch or you invited me over for dinner, that’s precious time together. So I don’t want to waste it by checking reels on my phone or responding to a simple text. I want to just put down my phone and be
not only physically present but mentally present with the person I’m with.
Captain Lynn (17:28.953)
Yeah.
Jon (17:30.836)
I do think too it helps to have that everybody within the group has a voice in those moments too to say like if let’s if one of us is on our phone or something like that and could be an emergency or could just be some of the rabbit hole that we that we fall into or something like that that the other person who’s feeling ignored maybe or neglected in that moment has a voice and can say hey listen put your fingers on your phone and
make a mess of the screen and say, I need your attention and stuff, whatever. it’s, I think it’s important to be able to say what you need in the moment and stuff. It’s, yeah.
Patty (18:06.598)
We do do that a lot.
Heather and I do that a lot. I need attention!
Heather (18:11.99)
you
Beeb (18:12.928)
I’ve heard countless times it’s not phone time right now.
Dawn (18:14.7)
So
Jon (18:17.249)
you
Heather (18:22.282)
No,
Patty (18:23.716)
I do think that phones can, and I think we’re all guilty of that, everybody in our society, phones can be the biggest distraction in all areas of our life. So I appreciate when I’m being called out when I do that. yeah.
Captain Lynn (18:24.002)
Yeah.
Captain Lynn (18:43.521)
Yeah, well, it’s kind of like, you know, coming back to what Don was saying, regardless of whether somebody is choosing to be in an E kind of relationship, practicing this skills just to even be present with ourselves when we’re like having lunch with a friend or family, like practicing being in the moment, regardless of whether or not we’re having sex with them is a great skill to have. And it’s really loving.
ourselves. Heather, feel like that’s what I heard you saying. I feel like you’re loving yourself by being present and valuing your time with the people you’re spending time with, regardless of the relationship agreements you’re in.
Dawn (19:13.772)
I’m
Captain Lynn (19:26.403)
That’s awesome. Cup filling.
Jon (19:31.702)
Mm-hmm.
Alonzo Banx (19:34.194)
So who’s got a really good example for me of equal time being intentionality?
Captain Lynn (19:47.171)
Equal time?
Alonzo Banx (19:50.108)
Yeah, the equality of time, where you manage to use the intentionality or the quality of what you did.
Heather (20:01.214)
quality of what we did.
Jon (20:06.049)
I think, at least for me, dating Heather, we’re about just over a year into our relationship right now. And early on, I did a lot of sort of thinking and maybe overthinking dates and how I could impress her, first of all, and then different ways that I reach her.
in a different sort of emotional way. I spent time, a lot of time sort of before we got together to think about what I wanted to do, what I wanted to communicate with her and stuff. I think that that was important for me, certainly early on, and I really need to do more of that. But I’m intentional going into it and I try to…
make sure that I’m delivering on that when I’m with her.
Patty (21:15.036)
Heather, do you have any examples that come to mind?
Dawn (21:15.626)
you
Heather (21:20.302)
Examples of.
Patty (21:24.057)
intentionality.
Heather (21:29.725)
I do have an example of time spent together. So, Beeb and I don’t get a lot of time together because I work nights and weekends. So, I was usually spend my evenings with Beeb and I try not to deviate from that. But I had a need the other day to…
spend some time with John and get away to the beach. And I was intentional by telling all my partners what I needed and all my partners listened to me. And I gave up time with Bebe to be with John and connect with him so that I could feel an emotional need. And it was really nice being seen and heard by the whole group.
and recognizing where my need was at.
Dawn (22:27.627)
you
Patty (22:33.905)
I think.
Alonzo Banx (22:33.906)
As we come towards the end of this, I want to go around and give everyone an opportunity to give your best piece of advice to everyone listening about how to make a relationship work from this aspect, what you can do in your polycool and your partnership to make it work. Dawn, I’m going to give you a little different task. Rather than ask you what you can do, I want you to ask a good question.
Dawn (23:03.523)
You know, my biggest question is how do you guys find each other? I mean, I think coming from a point of having no clue, like, how did you guys find each other? How did you guys know that you would fit as a foursome?
Beeb (23:15.934)
So we actually.
Jon (23:16.801)
I heard.
Heather (23:17.103)
I would actually love to answer this question.
Patty (23:17.223)
So.
Jon (23:21.537)
All right, let’s go.
Dawn (23:23.834)
Thank
Heather (23:27.215)
Bye!
Captain Lynn (23:28.351)
Is that alright, Alonzo?
Patty (23:30.568)
Yes. Spill your guts.
Captain Lynn (23:31.425)
Do it.
Alonzo Banx (23:33.346)
Absolutely, please.
Heather (23:35.727)
So, Bebe and I visit community sex clubs in our area very often and we go to one in particular quite often. So we were there that evening during a content night where you can go take photos in the space, which you normally can’t do. And we were doing an electricity demonstration on another couple and John and Patty were there and
Dawn (23:53.161)
So
Heather (24:05.726)
I see Patty approach Beeb and they get to start talking and I’m busy doing an electricity demo so I didn’t really pay too much mind. And then later Patty ended up initiating conversation with us through the sex club’s website and Beeb was like, hey, you know that lady Patty that introduced herself to me? She reached out.
And here’s her phone number. So Patty and I started talking and I was like, my God, I love this lady. We can absolutely have them over for dinner. So they came over for dinner. I was a little hesitant because John wasn’t my go to. Like if you see a bearded man with tats, that’s probably.
I’m a beeline it towards that guy. and it was Patty that really like, was like, wow, she’s amazing. I just, I want to spend more time around her. And so we invited them over for a game night and it was an amazing game night. I really got to know John and we ended up playing and then John and I ended up playing chess till like two in the morning. So I ended up apologizing to Patty.
for keeping her out so late, but since that very first game night, it’s been nonstop talking together, so.
Dawn (25:44.591)
That’s really beautiful. Thank you so much.
Alonzo Banx (25:51.368)
Do have a moon?
Captain Lynn (25:53.192)
Jon (25:55.71)
You
Captain Lynn (25:56.256)
Am I answering Dawn’s question or your?
Alonzo Banx (25:58.014)
Well, you have your choice. Either my question of what great advice can we give to people listening, or you can answer Don’s question.
Captain Lynn (26:08.024)
Well, I do kind of want to answer Dawn’s question because, you know, right now I have, don’t have a partner. I would love to meet them. And, you know, I think the biggest advice I’ve recently gotten is like, date your own kind, date your own species, because I try to get online and I try to find people that are, have, they’re aware of this, the conscious community, whatever, like they’ve done some of this kind of experiences.
Because when I meet a partner, and I’d love to have female partner, but I have yet to find one of those that I connect with really. But the male partners, if I say too much, or the male dates, they’re like, a kid in a candy store, they’re like, what? You let me go have sex with that woman over there? Like, yeah, if you like her, I, know, da da, agreements. And then suddenly they lose focus on me.
So I stopped having that conversation early on. But at the end of the day, I think it’s about putting myself into a space like these four did, where they were in a space where there were like-minded people attending an event. I really think that is the best place to meet others that are already in the conversation. And Don, you’re new, so you’re going to be having a lot of early on conversations and figuring it out for yourself. But if you want to be in it, I think
finding where we’re going and asking. These four obviously have some ideas around here locally, places you can go. That would be your first step. Would you guys agree, like if you wanted to give Dawn advice as to where to go meet somebody?
Heather (27:52.462)
Local meetups would be a really good place to start also if you don’t want to go to a sex club because there can be a mixture of people there. So I would say poly meetups or lifestyle community meetups. You’re going to meet a lot, a lot of people.
Dawn (27:58.567)
Can I add ask another question, though? Me as a single, like you guys are both coupled in and you go into another couple, but how does a single get into that?
Heather (28:21.52)
So I was in the lifestyle for seven years as a single. And that’s what I did. I did meetups, sex clubs, even various websites to meet people. And you just, the hardest part about that is to be an extrovert in those situations, really put yourself out there, which can be really scary.
Dawn (28:48.87)
Okay, thank you.
Alonzo Banx (28:50.014)
Let me add on to that. As I’m running the Polysocal group, we probably get 40 single men to every one single woman. Oh, yeah, overwhelming. It is a constant conversation with single men about why a single man is not necessarily in a polygyl relationship.
Jon (28:59.541)
You
Dawn (29:00.358)
I like those odds.
Captain Lynn (29:05.019)
Yeah, but…
Alonzo Banx (29:19.024)
Stick with the poly clubs, stick with some of the groups. There’s lots of them out there. Not to mention the fact that we run one.
Dawn (29:27.312)
And you guys have meetups where people can go and meet up with other people.
Alonzo Banx (29:29.778)
We have weekends, we have things that are through our club and our events and ours are very curated. Patty and John have been to a couple of my events.
Patty (29:40.552)
They’re amazing, by the way. So much fun, so little pressure and just, excuse me, a lot of connectivity and a lot of activity. Alonzo puts a ton of effort and thought into it and it’s a great, great experience.
Dawn (29:51.27)
Okay.
Alonzo Banx (29:58.558)
And as they talk about the, thank you, appreciate the kind words, as they talk about like some of the sex clubs, a little bit of advice Heather was alluding to. In the sex clubs, you have to be careful because it’s to be 50-50. Some of them are purely more of the swinger environment. Some of them are the kink. And a lot of the sex clubs will also do E &M in connected community, but you got to pick your events right. You can’t go to a BDSM event.
Dawn (30:18.214)
Okay.
Alonzo Banx (30:27.132)
and expect to find connected people. Now, there may be a sprinkling of them in there, but that’s a different intent on that evening. So my advice is as you look for groups, make sure you’re looking for poly groups and E groups and groups that are more about the emotionality of the connections than the physicality. Not to say there’s anything wrong with the physicality, but you get a different group of people. So, sorry, I’ll get off my soapbox and pass it back to John.
Heather (30:34.829)
Mm-hmm.
Alonzo Banx (30:57.446)
if you even remember what the questions were at this point, because I’m confused about them.
Jon (30:59.009)
I do. I’m going to jump to the advice piece of it. I do think that it’s important to find somebody who has similar values that you have. think Patty and I have really grown together through a lot of respect and a lot of trust. And I think that those two pieces really
help us create who we are together and letting that pour out and be a part of our relationship with Heather and Beeb and learning about them and seeing them being very similar and just how much respect they have for each other, what they, and who they are together and the trust that they put in each other and stuff, whatever. It feels familiar and it looks familiar. But on the flip side, I think you should always also make sure that you’re keeping
true to the red flags that you might have for, if you’re going to be meeting them, whomever you’re going to meet, male or female, if you have some red flags where you’re just like, all right, this kind of behavior I don’t think is going to, might not work for me, trust that and keep on looking, would say. There’s so many single men out there, definitely gravitating to this lifestyle because it sounds like free sex and stuff, whatever. you,
It’s going to attract a lot of men for lot of various different reasons, but there are plenty of men out there that are looking for true connections and it’s finding that person and keeping an eye on those red flags I think is just important.
Captain Lynn (32:42.875)
Nice advice, John.
Dawn (32:44.225)
Very nice.
Jon (32:44.297)
Yeah, speaking of which, I met two different guys. I was at a meetup yesterday at the beach, and I met two different guys. One guy who was super sweet, super amazing, talkative, and just we were bonding, and everything was very smooth as far as conversations went. And then one other guy who was just sort of like had a little hard time kind of understanding the vibe of the group, couldn’t read the room, was asking semi-inappropriate questions, and was just like, okay. This guy doesn’t fit.
this world and I don’t think he’s prepared for it. So hopefully it’s obvious in the moment.
Alonzo Banx (33:22.59)
we get a lot of people who come into the groups with the wrong understandings of what the core values are and what most people are looking for. But as John said, there’s a lot of really good people. You just got to kind of filter.
Heather (33:40.079)
Beeb, what would… I want… We should hear from Beeb.
Alonzo Banx (33:40.338)
Patty. go ahead. I was going to get to in my, in my rotation, babe, Patty, I’m going to come back to you, babe. You’re next jump up here.
Captain Lynn (33:44.058)
He’s been quiet, I agree.
Jon (33:44.103)
you
Beeb (33:52.25)
All right, my thing of advice I would say once you find your your polycule your people is Be willing to be vulnerable It’s something I struggle with we’ve just recently Acknowledged this and kind of went through something over this you know coming from a background of monogamy where you only open up to Your one person now you have somebody else that’s
almost unequal, know, or is basically unequal as your wife, being able to open up to that person as well and being vulnerable with them.
Patty (34:36.634)
It’s my turn. My advice would be probably to reiterate what some of the things that have already been talked about and that is to find somebody that does have the core values that you have. I know in our quad we value communication. And I think like for Heather and I,
Alonzo Banx (34:37.222)
And the last word tonight, Patty.
Captain Lynn (34:39.206)
Ha
Patty (35:06.184)
our relationship is probably the not most important but probably the the biggest foundation that we have as a quad because she and I hit each other on such a level that I think makes everything flow so much easier you know if you really break it down like John’s gonna go see Heather if my relationship is so solid with her and I adore her and I’m in love with her
It’s so easy to share my person with my other person. Initially,
Heather (35:40.884)
If Patty’s upset and I know she’s going to be with Bebe, I will give Bebe a speech. You better take care of my girlfriend. You better be so sweet. She needs this, this, and this. You better pamper her. If she comes back and tells me she’s still sad, I’m going to hurt you.
Patty (35:49.19)
Thank you.
Jon (36:02.309)
Hahaha.
Patty (36:03.068)
Yeah, but one thing I think that really drew me to Heather, I know we’re wanting to wrap up our time, you know, when I met Beep, I loved our conversation. I loved his energy and I thought it was super handsome. When I met Heather, it was like somebody met me in an emotional level that I hadn’t had with a woman.
ever. And the amount of silly laughter that we have has brought so much joy into my life. it goes along with, you know, John and my relationship. now, Bee likes to tease me. And that’s kind of our love language. like, laughter is probably the number one most important thing to me. And being able to be given that in a relationship and not take things so seriously all the time is something that I value a lot in our
I realize sometimes where in a monogamous relationship, I probably wouldn’t realize where I fall short in communication, where I fall short in being vulnerable, where I fall short in being honest. And in a quad relationship, in a poly relationship, you’re challenged to work on that actively all the time. So I’m really grateful for that opportunity and feel very lucky to have the partners that I have.
Dawn (37:22.434)
I think I love this. I love this for you guys. I love this for everyone.
Alonzo Banx (37:28.508)
I think that is a fantastic ending note for us tonight.
Jon (37:30.849)
Thank
Captain Lynn (37:31.712)
Great. Well said, Patty.
Alonzo Banx (37:33.906)
I want to thank everyone for being here. It’s fantastic. love these conversations. And Dawn, I’m to put you on the spot one time. What did you think?
Dawn (37:51.22)
I think you guys make the world a better place.
Alonzo Banx (37:55.762)
That goes out to the four of you, not me.
Heather (37:57.353)
You’re so sweet, Dawn.
Dawn (37:58.018)
All of you, Lynn, all of you, all of you guys. I’m excited to jump in.
Captain Lynn (38:01.21)
Thank you, Don.
Patty (38:01.385)
Thank
Alonzo Banx (38:05.31)
from the Polly Took Out podcast. Thank you all for being here tonight. You are amazing.