In this episode of the PolySoCal Podcast, Alonzo Banx is joined by Lance Cole, Captain Lynn, Patty, Heather, Jon, Noah, Cupcake, and Brandi Beckett for a wide-ranging conversation about tantra and how it connects to polyamory. Lance and Captain Lynn explain tantra as a practice of breath, sound, movement, awareness, and deeper connection rather than simply a sexual technique. The panel explores how tantric ideas can support communication, emotional regulation, self-awareness, presence, and intimacy inside polyamorous relationships. Brandi asks the practical outsider questions many listeners may have, while Jon and Noah challenge the spiritual language from more skeptical perspectives. The result is a grounded introduction to tantra that connects ancient practice, modern relationships, embodiment, and the everyday work of learning how to be more present with yourself and your partners.


Alonzo Banx, Lance Cole, Captain Lynn, Patty, Heather, Jon, Noah, Cupcake,
Brandi

Links
Tribal Fire Life – Embodiment Coaching – private coaching for couples and singles

Living In Ecstasy | Laurie Handlers – I will be co-facilitating this course with Laurie

Tantra and Polyamory: Self-Exploration and Connection

Alonzo banx: [00:00:00] Welcome back to the Poly SoCal Podcast. I continue to be Alonzo Banks. We’ve got a really full house tonight. I am super excited. We’ve got, uh, Lance Cole, Kat Melin are in here to tell us why we care about tantra what tantra has to do with poly. Hi, everybody

Jon: Hello

Cupcake: Hello

Alonzo banx: All right, so, uh, Lance, Captain, before we get to you guys, I’m gonna go around the room and say hi to everyone here. Why don’t we start off with, Patty? Say hello

Patty: Hi, I’m Patty. Um, I have been on several podcasts here, or episodes. I am married to John for 30 years. I’m engaged to Heather. I’m dating Beeb. I have another partner as well. Been in the lifestyle for a very long time, so happy to be here again

Alonzo banx: Awesome having you back. And we got three members of your polycule tonight. Let’s jump over to Heather. Heather, say hi

Heather: Hi, I’m Heather. I’m [00:01:00] to the Biebs and, engaged to Patty and dating John, and I have another partner as well

Alonzo banx: john, stick with that polycule first

Jon: I’m John. Hello, hello. I have been, uh, married to Patty for a very long time, been poly for a long time with her. and I have been dating Heather for a couple years now, and, uh, Bea would become my metamour because of that

Alonzo banx: Good to have you guys tonight.

Noah: I am Noah. I have been, uh, poly for three or four years now at this point. I am, uh, with my nesting partner, Cookie, who’s not on the call tonight, and, uh, dating Cupcake, who is on the call tonight

Alonzo banx: Welcome. And with that, Cupcake, say hi

Cupcake: I’m Cupcake. As Noah said, I’m partnered with himself and Cookie, and I’m also married, and then my husband has a partner as well

Alonzo banx: Welcome. New voice tonight. Brandy, [00:02:00] say hello.

Brandi Beckett: Hello, hell- hello, hello. Okay, my name is Brandy Beckett. Um, I’m an anthropologist, an actor, a playwright, and a model, and I’m married, and I’m in a monotheistic relationship

Alonzo banx: Good to have you. So let’s jump down to our guest experts tonight, Lance Cole and Captain Lynn. tell us about you guys and, um, what you’re bringing to the table tonight to talk about. 

Captain Lynn: I bring a, a blending of many, um, modalities of communities I’ve moved through throughout the past decade and a half. Um, started out in ex- the swinging community, then found myself in a tri- tripod group, um, like not knowing what any of that was about.

Really started to understand what, what ENM or ethical non-monogamy really means, and had the blessing of multiple [00:03:00] structures throughout these different communities. then I found myself, um, in the Tantra communities here in Phoenix when I moved from Seattle to Pho- to Phoenix, and really found a ground, a place to ground and a place to be connected with those I choose to be in a relationship with. So I hope to bring more about that to this conversation.

Alonzo banx: Awesome. Lance, tell us about you and w- and what you bring to the table tonight

Lance Cole: Wow. All right. This is a new, new path for me. Um, been studying tantra for about 19 years now. Uh, currently still practicing, still teaching here in Phoenix. Um, I got a weekly series running right now with, uh, one of my friends, Laurie Handlers, so we’re doing that. Uh, teaching classes, things like that. Been– My first teacher, uh, was from South Africa. Um, studied tantra with her, was [00:04:00] actually in a polyamorous relationship with her. Uh, that’s how I got introduced to, to poly, was actually from my original tantra teacher. So that’s kind of the connection for me. Um- What the hell? It’s been studying relationships for a long time. I, I, like in dynamics, had three or four partners at a time, been in poly relationships, been in monogamous relationships, been in, um, gone through all the different levels of it, poly, monogamy, celibacy, while in relationship. Uh, going through that with multiple partners at the same time as well. so just all the different types of dynamics. don’t know that I have all the language. I’ve heard some, some words in here that I’m not necessarily familiar with ’cause I’m not actually active, actively poly right now or in a community. Um, so that’s gonna be fun for me to learn. Pretty cool. Um, but I’m here to bring whatever I can to the conversation in and around Tantra and, um, what it’s done for me, I can share that.[00:05:00] 

And, you know, maybe some of it will resonate with y’all and hopefully some of the audience.

Alonzo banx: Well, and that, that’s part of what this podcast is all about, is none of us have the answers and all of us come to the table, um, understanding half the terminology. We have entire shows that are dedicated to people all having different answers for the terminology. But I’m gonna hit the nail right on the head.

I wanna start right out because that’s the core of this conversation. What is tantra? what, what is it? it… Give me that foundation so I even know how to begin.

Lance Cole: I have two definitions for you. So the first definition is breath, sound, and movement That’s it. And then how you integrate that into your life. And the next thing is expansion through awareness. So in other words, educating yourself, having experiences, and expanding yourself in as many ways as you possibly can

Alonzo banx: And

What does that mean?

Captain Lynn: Well, I was gonna add on, like, just the [00:06:00] actual, like, uh, uh, pulling from Francoise, uh, Ginsburg’s website, who is one of my mentors. She has that the name tantra actually comes from Sanskrit. So I like that there’s, like, a very long, old tradition that this is pulled from, and the word tantra literally means an instrument for expanding. So in my life, tantra, you know, y- yes, we always say breath, sound, and movement, but it’s about e- embodying these practices in a way that improves my consciousness and my understanding of myself and how am I, who am I, and who are you, and how do, how, how do you move through the world with an acceptan- acceptance of that, what is. And for me, a level of reverence of those that I choose to be in community and in life with or how I move through it

Alonzo banx: Had

Captain Lynn: you expand on that any more, Lance?

Lance Cole: That was really great. was wonderful. That followed up from where I went. Yeah 

Alonzo banx: what does that mean? If you were going to go and, and experience [00:07:00] tantra at an event or at a puja, what, what does that mean to experience it?

Lance Cole: So

Breath, sound, and movement. So dancing, bre-breath, doing breathwork, um, any kind of breathwork, any kind of yogic work. Um, posturing. Um, utilizing mantras, utilizing yantras. Um, any of those things. So, so you study and, I mean, mostly Tantra is about self-awareness.

It’s about becoming closer to yourself so that you understand how you wanna be in the world, right? Like in the context of this conversation, um, you know, polyamory or having multiple partners or non-monogamy, you wanna know who you are before you step into a relationship, and then you could be in that relationship. And Tantra will bring that for you, and it will, uh, it’ll give you the tools to be able to multiple relationships, mostly managing yourself, not managing others. It’s about self. So it’s about self-awareness, [00:08:00] um, emotional intelligence, , self-esteem, , any kind– an-anything like that. And that would, that would be my connection and what– that’s what I’ve used it for in all my relationships. , It’s taught me how to have boundaries. It’s taught me how to have, , deeper conversations with people. , It’s given me the strength be able to step into multiple partnerships, to understand how to navigate myself so that I can navigate those. , It’s been quite lovely. 

Captain Lynn: I would add on to that. For me, the practice has honed in my communication skills because one of the things about being in any kind of multidimensional r- uh, structure of relationships, whether or not they’re platonic or… But they’re loving, so I have some platonic relationships.

In fact, Lance is one of those. Like, we have a, an agreed-upon deep connection that we continue to, enlighten and go deeper [00:09:00] with each other as we learn more of each other. And then I have those that I am sexually intimate with or want to be. And being able to navigate who I am through that and improve my communication when something comes up, I love a term I’ve learned from other– our, our mentors of ours. This whoosh. Like if an event happens, I’ve learned this practice of going, “Wow, this is hitting my body somewhere. Did it hit my heart? Did it hit my solar plexus?” Like, where do I feel what just occurred? And it gives me personal insight. The practices that I practice and embody on a regular basis keeps me tuned in myself and how I interact with the world and others I care about that I want a deeper connection with. having these practices makes m- makes navigating multiple relationships, much deeper, and I find I love the word… I use this word AFGO, another fucking growth opportunity. Like, they come [00:10:00] up, and I have tools to navigate them with my partners because of the tantric practices I’ve chosen to embody in my life.

Alonzo banx: Is tantra about relationships? Is it sexual? Is it spiritual? What, how does that fit?

Lance Cole: Um, yes, Tantra is sexual, it’s only about 10, maybe 20% sexual. It’s about… and sexual in the sense I’m, I’m assuming you’re asking about partner sex, not necessarily sexual energy as it, as it is, ’cause Tantra is about cultivating your own sexual energy, right? Learning about yourself, learning about how you behave, as I said before. sexual energy is life force energy, and it’s what we move in the world with, we m- whether we’re moving, uh, in relationship or whether we’re moving because we’re doing a project, using it for that, you know, for that, using the energy for whatever it is we need to use it for [00:11:00] in the world. Um, what was B?

What was the second question? Can you refresh

Alonzo banx: about relationships? Is it, is it poly? In my experience, many people in tantra have multiple relationships. Is that poly?

Lance Cole: Interesting way to word the question. I’m not, I’m not sure. I’m not sure. I think it opens up a world so that you can be poly and maybe do it a little differently or a little more, a little better for yourself, right? So you can know yourself and then be in the relationship, um, or relationships But be- beyond that, I don’t, I don’t know that it’s actually like you have to be poly if you’re Tantra.

That’s kind of what I hear when you’re asking that question. But y- you don’t have to be to be Tantric

Alonzo banx: Well, I don’t, I, I don’t think the… I’m sorry, I don’t think the question was do you have to be. Is, um, is it? Is it inherently [00:12:00] poly?

Lance Cole: You know, when you first get into it, yes.

Alonzo banx: I’m gonna open it up to the floor. We’ve had a lot of, a lot of different, opinions here. John, I know this is something you’ve been interested in the past. What questions do we have for, for our ex- Oh, Heather, you got one there for me.

Heather: Somebody said, uh, that tantra was having self-awareness. how do you teach somebody self-awareness?

Lance Cole: How do you teach somebody self-awareness? Through breath, making sounds, and movements. So doing breathwork, doing emotional release techniques, learning how to tune into your body using the basic seven chakra system. Um, so we do– we can do tune-ins and you feel, so learn– teaching you how to feel your body. Um, one of my mentors now, um, likes to use Ladhan, which is moving in the unknown. Um, learning how to do that, learning [00:13:00] how to be with yourself in spaces and to be able to take on whatever comes to you 

Heather: what are emotional release techniques?

Lance Cole: Oh, wonderful. There’s, there’s quite a few. There’s different, um, there’s different retreats and things like that that you can go and learn emotional release techniques at. Um, the one that I particularly like is bioenergetic emotional release. so it– you build up a sexual charge by doing some breathwork, breathing and squeezing, and you essentially lay down on the ground, and you move your hands, and you hit pillows with your hands while you’re on your back, just gently, and you’re contracting your anal sphincter and PC muscles to generate that sexual energy, and you’re making noise with your mouth as your hands are hitting. So this is bioenergetic, and it engages the whole body, and it engages your sexual energy or life force energy, it allows you to just [00:14:00] express, and you’re making sure your voice is activating while you’re doing this. This is a practice and a ritual. And there’s other, there’s other types of techniques that you can do.

Um, a quick one is a hand scream. So you put– cup your over your mouth and scream into your hand and move your body. You always wanna make sure you’re moving your body and making sound

Brandi Beckett: I’m, I’m very new to, uh, these terms in tantric. Is it a philosophy that we’re talking about? Is it a set of structured rules? Is it a ritual, a rite? exactly what, what it is we’re talking about. I’m hearing a lot of what this does or the effects it has on people, I want a good description of what it is that we’re talking about

Lance Cole: Okay. So I, what’s coming to me is the example of the, the history. [00:15:00] So from the Far East, and my understanding is that it’s, it’s quite old, so thousands of years old. And back then they didn’t have the communication tools that we have. So what they would do is there would be the village person, medicine man, medicine woman, the spiritual person in the village, and there was the Silk Road going through Asia, Europe to Asia, and people were traveling that. So they would go to one village, they would learn something. They would go to the next village, they would learn something, and lineage just got passed down, and all these different Tantric secrets and ways of being and self-awareness all got passed down. That’s essentially where Tantra comes from.

Brandi Beckett: oral traditions, yes

Lance Cole: Yeah, the oral tradition. So it’s all orally passed down throughout the dec- like, centuries and millennia [00:16:00] So how do you teach this? Like

Brandi Beckett: But I, I’m not necessarily how does it, like, function, what i- what is the attributes of it? Um, I wanna know what are the characteristics of it? What is ten- um, Am I saying it cri- correctly?

Lance Cole: Tantra.

Brandi Beckett: Tantra, yeah. What exactly is … What, what is a tantra from a non-tantra?

Lance Cole: Mm-hmm.

Brandi Beckett: Like, if someone’s giving me a non-tantra philosophy about sex, and then some Person B’s giving me a philosophy that is in line with tantra sex, how do I know the difference between non-tantra sex talk and tantra sex philosophy?

Lance Cole: So Expansion through awareness, which I said at the beginning, there is no right and wrong. There is no correct tantric way to do something. If you are utilizing breath, sound, and movement, this is, this is a very simple thing. I mean, we– I could drill into, like, specific rituals and things like [00:17:00] that, but d- I don’t, I don’t like to do that because there is no right and wrong in tantra.

We embrace everything, all of it at the same time. So there’s no specific, you’re doing it wrong,” or, “You’re doing it right.”

Brandi Beckett: So- I guess what I’m trying to connect is, ’cause I, I, I’m a post-baccalaureate student in, in theater, so we, in our acting classes, w- I’m hearing the same principles. We’re using our breath. We’re using our body motion. We’re using our s- connection to the ground, our connection to their partner, but we’re not talking about tantra and we’re not talking about sex. What is the difference? What makes certain types of breathing or certain types of… What classifies that as a, as a sex and, and, or not? That’s what I’m trying to understand

Alonzo banx: Lance, if you don’t mind, let me redirect. Captain, g- answer that for me

Captain Lynn: Yeah, like I, I wanna address the fact that there’s this common misnomer that tantra is about [00:18:00] sex. Like, that’s… Like, we hear about the Kama Sutra, and there’s this catch people get caught up in, like, that’s what it’s about. And I, I hear Brandy’s question’s kind of leaning towards that common body of knowledge that’s actually inaccurate, Brandy. So it, it’s understanding the spiritual… Like, it- for me, it is a spiritual practice. I don’t preach it to others like a spiritual practice, but I ha- that’s how I embrace it personally because it allows me to move through the world being loving to myself first and foremost, and being able to step into whatever kind of relationship. The beauty of it is when I do take this practice into a sexual in- um, engagement with somebody else, and they are also on the same pad- page. Like, they know how to use breath and sound to control their orgasm, like, or to, to put off an orgasm, and how to connect with [00:19:00] me on a very energetic level. we’re talking off the charts sex, girlfriend. Like, it is… I’m sorry if I don’t know… I’m using the wrong pronouns with you. But, um, i- it’s, it is… Okay, okay, okay. It’s like, it… practices has elevated my connections with those I choose to be involved with at a level I’ve never had in my life, 

Lance Cole: the whole idea of Tantra is that it embraces all. So there is no right and wrong. So I’m gonna add this to it. I’m gonna say intention overrides technique. if you’re in your, if you’re in your situation, whatever that is, and you decide you want to use breath and sound and you want to breathe into someone’s heart, and you’re connecting with your partner, and your orgasm seems like it’s elevated in some way, that’s tantric. Whether you

Brandi Beckett: But does it exist other places in your life too? It’s not just sexual, right? It’s, it’s you’re looking into yourself. ‘Cause, like, for me,

Lance Cole: Sure. Yes

Brandi Beckett: I really [00:20:00] took that, that question of looking into myself and discovering who I am very seriously a long time ago, and that took me on an amazing journey that I discovered myself, and I discovered I was able to open myself up to other people I’ve never heard of tantra. I don’t know if I’m… Am I doing that too and not knowing it? Or is it just that philosophy, um, weaves in and blends with a lot of other philosophies of self-care and self-awareness?

Lance Cole: Which is why I told the story of its history, because it just, it’s leapfrogs through time with everybody adding to it and adding their little pieces of their knowledge and their spiritual experience and their own expansions. And I, I wanna also a- acknowledge your, uh, theater, being an actor or an actress. Huge in Tantric philosophy without even knowing that you’re in Tantric philosophy. I’ve known, I’ve

Brandi Beckett: Mm-hmm.

Lance Cole: few

Brandi Beckett: Yeah

Lance Cole: actresses, and I– The, the, the [00:21:00] intensity of that development of character on multiple levels that’s what we do with our psyches. That’s what we do with our, our shadows. That’s what we’re doing with all the different parts of ourselves that we are integrating, that we’re moving energy.

And when I say that, I’m referring to emotions, the emotions bring out all the different things, which is the reason for emotional release techniques. And when I say emotional release techniques, I wanna add in, it’s not just about anger or frustration, it’s about happiness and joy too, right? ‘Cause you can have blind joy, you can have blind anger, you can have all different kinds of things emotionally come up for you. That’s why emotional release techniques. Does that help?

Brandi Beckett: It is. It is, uh, it is opening my eyes that I’m, “Hey, wait, maybe I’m practicing this and I didn’t even know it,” because I practice a lot of the same similar philosophies in many aspects of my life

Lance Cole: Yeah, yeah.

Alonzo banx: the things that I think we find– [00:22:00] of the things we find in this podcast is many of us come from different communities. We come from the tantra community, we come from swing, we come from poly, we come from kink, and a lot of us do the same things, we just use different words for it.

Lance Cole: Hmm.

Alonzo banx: That at the end of the day, the human experience is kind of, um, universal. just have different ways of expressing it and, and different nomenclature that we put on things. Patty. 

Patty: I had a question earlier, but I think Captain Lynn, , answered that. I was curious if, , Tantra was more of a s- um, spirituality type of practice. , I’ve met a few people who practice Tantra and, , what I notice about them is they tend to be very, , calm peaceful and, , I guess at peace, , or, or aligned with, with their bodies. And I’m curious if, , Tantra helps regulate your nervous system, if it takes, you know, a very anxious person [00:23:00] and, , by practicing it is a way of grounding yourself and regulating your nervous system

Lance Cole: Very much. I, if, if everybody’s game, I know only audio, but take three deep breaths. In seven, hold seven, and out seven. Just do that in this moment and it’s gonna change your, your field. It’s gonna change your nature. Like right now, just doing breaths

Alonzo banx: Okay, so why don’t you lead us through that as an exercise as you would?

Lance Cole: Yeah,

Alonzo banx: through it and, and e- and explain at the end what it is that we’re looking for here. got a, you got a willing audience

Lance Cole: Yeah, willing audience. All right, so everybody close your eyes, and this is for the people listening as well, you can close your eyes, and just kind of tune into your body. So I want you to squeeze your perineum and your anal sphincter muscles. So like you’re doing a Kegel. squeeze it gently a few times just kind of get a sense of that [00:24:00] area of your body.

So this is where your, this is where your sexual energy is. This is your life force energy Then just start inhaling through the nose and count five to seven as you inhale, and then hold for five to seven And then exhale out of the mouth for five to seven Just gently squeeze your perineum again. Just feeling your body. You can wiggle your toes a little bit if you want And then inhale Again, for the seven count, holding And then exhaling through the mouth. Now, this last one I’m gonna [00:25:00] augment a little bit And you’re gonna squeeze your perineum, just feel it. Pulse it I’m gonna take a big inhale through the nose and you’re gonna hold it and then you’re gonna take a sniff And then you’re gonna exhale with some sound Ah. And just kind of move your body a little bit. Just wiggle your body just a little bit And now what do you notice? Open your eyes. Come back to the, to the conversation and what is it that you notice in your body? Anything different

Alonzo banx: Dawa?

Noah: Yeah. I mean, , I feel calmer, , obviously. I think, yeah, but what that felt like to me, and, and correct me if I’m wrong, it just felt like very [00:26:00] intentional, focused meditation, right?

Lance Cole: Yep.

Noah: Yeah

Alonzo banx: Cupcake, how’d that feel to you?

Cupcake: Um, I would say that obviously there was a sense of calmness, but I almost felt a little dizzy and kind of more like loose in a sense. Like my, all of a sudden I kind of turned into jelly

Lance Cole: so just breathing, we breathe all day long and we’re not paying attention to it because it’s automatic. Like, we automatically breathe. So when you bring intention to it, that’s when we actually notice things, and w- that’s tantra. So I just ran you through, like, a very brief breath, and imagine doing that for minutes. Imagine this, your state of being. Imagine the calmness that you would achieve in your mind, all that mind chatter, that monkey mind chatter that happens all the time. Imagine doing that while you’re engaged with [00:27:00] your partner

Alonzo banx: So I’m interested.

Lance Cole: Hmm

Alonzo banx: this conversation, I’m like, “Okay, tantra’s a thing.” I, after that exercise, I go, “Where do I start? What do I do? Uh, how do, what, what, what site do I go to? What book do I read? How, how do I take that step?”

Lance Cole: How do you take that step? So, uh, you could come to my– You could come to the class in July that I’m teaching. We got a four-day Living in Ecstasy class going on. Um, I believe it’s the twenty-third to the twenty-sixth of July. That would be a great place to start. It’s an introduction to Tantra. you’ll learn a lot of breath techniques and, uh, a lot of different meditations and things like that, and a lot of exercises. Um,

Alonzo banx: Make sure to give me all the links to that. We’ll put up in the bio and stuff. But let’s say I’m not ready to take a four-day jump into, into, uh, Arizona. I want more of put my toe in the water

Lance Cole: So if you’re just looking to, uh, you can look for something local. There’s– [00:28:00] I’m sure there’s something happening in most, you know, city communities ar-around, around the United States anyway. you can look around for some tantric events, things like that. I recommend starting with, uh, not, not starting necessarily with a play party, um, not necessarily tantric. look for a tantric event. for books, I would actually recommend my mentors and, and, um, uh, Laurie Handler’s book, um, The Tantric Laws of Intimacy, um, which is a really wonderful book. It’s the 10 laws of tantric intimacy. So I would recommend that. I would also recommend Tantra Quest, uh, by Daniel Odie. Really wonderful book. Um, I’m not– I don’t get anything for that. It’s just a really great book, and it dives you into, like, traditional seeking and spirituality and quest and that whole concept [00:29:00] of seeking a teacher and really learning the depth of, of tantra and what it is

Alonzo banx: Thank you. Uh, Captain

Captain Lynn (2): For stuff local to Southern California, I do happen to have Francoise’s events up. And so she leads pujas, which are connecting experiences that they do in groups. It’s an interesting way to, to, to experience it. Um, and she’s got something coming up for women on July 19th, but you can go onto her website, tantrafg.com. Uh, that would… She’s one, also one of my mentors, and like Lance said, uh, Laurie Handler has been a significant mentor for me. But I am aware of other events going on in Southern California as well. Um, but I think Francoise’s a really amazing introduction if you’re only in- able to be traveling in that area So I wanted to bring that up since you’re asking about local events

Alonzo banx: Nice. Anyone at the table have any questions for Lance and Captain before I flip it around and let them ask you questions?

Brandi Beckett: I’m curious, like, like you’re saying that you [00:30:00] learn from teacher X or you learn from teacher Y. The teachers that are teaching you, is it gonna be a uniform kind of message coming from them? Like, if I go to a teacher here on the East Coast, it going to be the same similar lesson as you can get on the West Coast or in a different country?

Or does that s- question make sense?

Lance Cole: It totally does. And, uh, the short answer is no, and because there’s– when you’re doing breath-centered movement, there’s, different ways of doing it. Some people will squeeze on the exhale, some people squeeze on the inhale. So it depends on who, where you are and you’re learning from, and depends on where they got their lineage from.

There’s a lot of different lineages out there that you can

Brandi Beckett: But it’s always gonna be focused on breathing and, and meditating, those type of,

Lance Cole: say, yeah, this. If you don’t get breath, sound, and movement from a tantra teacher, [00:31:00] they’re not teaching you tantra

Alonzo banx: You have something you wanna add to that?

Captain Lynn (2): There are other modalities you can actually find individual teachers to work with on, uh, many platforms like Lance spoke to. He had his original teacher was like a one-on-one, I believe, Lance. Um, and I also am a sex and happiness coach under the tutelage of Laurie Handlers. So there can be individuals that help, can help step you through, like right where you’re at in the world and where you wanna explore and help you make connections to other things that might be more community-based. But if you wanna dip your toe in in a more personalized experience, I would recommend you reach out to a tantric coach to, to, to start someplace. And, um, even as couples, like there’s some amazing work that can be done for couples within this community

Alonzo banx: Let me flip this around now. Captain, questions do you have for our table?

Captain Lynn (2): I’ll go.

Lance Cole: Go for it

Alonzo banx: go

Captain Lynn (2): Just because I know we’ve got some pretty, um, [00:32:00] h- solid polycules in this group, I’m curious how, like near- hearing how, what tantra is now and how we’ve explained it, how do you… Do you think you might already be embodying some of these practice without actually having put any kind of label on it, and what does that look like for you?

Alonzo banx: Yeah, Noah

Noah: I’d say for me it’s given me more awareness for, , what tantra is, right? I’ve had a very surfacey view of it, and, and hearing what I’ve been hearing tonight it, it really sounds like a, a great way to be able to not only connect with your partner but to be able to connect with yourself in a way that shuts out the noise of the rest of the world, your job, your stress, your bills you have to pay or whatever, so you can be present now.

That’s what I’m hearing, and I think that’s probably a, a, something that most of us could work on and something I’m probably gonna try to be a little more mindful of, to be honest

Alonzo banx: Lance, any questions for the [00:33:00] table?

Lance Cole: I’m, I’m curious how it’s been navigating the relationships up until this point of, like, learning about this. Like, I know some things will change and shift from this conversation, how has it been for, you know, if somebody wants to share what it’s actually like being in a poly, polycule with m- you know, multiple partners?

I’m curious about that. And maybe you could share a couple of the tools, if you have them, like what you’ve used for a relationship conversation

Alonzo banx: And John, Patty, Heather, someone from the Kiwi Go ahead, Heather

Heather: Uh, most of the time it’s really easy, um, but there’s times where it’s really hard. Um, and the best thing to do is be really honest with your feelings, even if you don’t want to, even if maybe you’re still processing feelings and somebody knows you’re processing, but they poke anyways. Just to let it all out.

Don’t hold onto it. So, [00:34:00] um, that’s one of the things that I do. Even if I feel eh, I don’t really need to describe everything I have going on in my head and what I’m trying to figure out. But I’ve realized it’s probably best if my partners know what I’m going through, what I’m thinking about. It helps us, uh, become more connected together

Alonzo banx: John, Patty

Jon: So I, I have a, I have a very hard time with in, uh, in terms of like how it’s described to me, you know, what I read and all these different things and stuff, whatever. I’m an utterly non-spiritual type of person, and it’s difficult for me when it comes to some of the, perhaps the vagueness that I, that I sense from, from how it’s described and stuff like that. Lot easier for me to grab onto some things that are a little bit more, I don’t know, explicit, , scientific, all these different things, right? I’m, a software developer at heart, so, that piece of me just looks for instructions [00:35:00] and, and, and execution and stuff. But, , in a weird and probably inappropriate backdoor to this is, , that the only time that I actually feel something beyond just myself tends to be when I’m sexually connected to somebody.

When I’m in love, when I’m connected, when I’m having sex, when I have an orgasm, , all of these things, they seem to open me up in a certain way and I feel something more there. Um, I don’t have a descri- I don’t have a explanation for it necessarily. For me, it’s an energy thing. , I know that we are beings of energy and stuff.

So, there were hints of this inside of the readings that I’ve done on tantra and, , but it’s just really hard for me to get past like things that smell spiritual to me. , So it’s, it becomes difficult there. I, I am not a leap of faith person in any way, so, I cannot lead that way. But, , but yeah, I, I’m, I’m curious.

I imagine that I’m doing some [00:36:00] things that are, I think you probably by accident will always trip over something that might be tantric if you’re, yourself emotionally. But, , yeah, I, I am curious about it, but, , but I’m definitely challenged by the experience 

Lance Cole: love that. it, it’s the, it’s the Spiritual in the sense wh- I, I would have to ask John, what, what’s your definition of spiritual? Like, what does that mean to you? Is it, is it a religious spiritual, or is it just spiritual in the sense of and understanding of self?

Jon: Um, would say it, uh, it sure anything, speaking of a spirit, right? That a soul of all of these different things and stuff, whatever. Things that, don’t have a measure, don’t have a, uh, don’t manifest in a way that, uh, is more concrete like, like my, like my dinner or whatever, things like that.

Lance Cole: it. Yeah, yeah.

Jon: but yeah

Lance Cole: totally understand. Totally understand. I [00:37:00] would, I would say what, what tantra would do for you, not in the sense of spirituality, but it will bring you back into your body so you can feel more, so you can have more orgasms, so that you can have multiple orgasms. Um, as a man, that’s possible.

I don’t know if… I’m, I imagine that’s been talked about on this podcast at some point. But, like, m- multi-orga- multi-orgasmic man, that, that whole thing, like, all of that, it’s just… That’s what tantra would bring for you if you practice the breath, sound, and the movements. it, yes, it’s could be considered spiritual.

Will you have some kind of an experience? Sure. Call it spiritual. Call it expansion for yourself. It d- it’s… There’s no, there’s no dogma in this. don’t, I don’t like dogma. So there’s no dogmatic religious, like, you have to be a certain way. That’s the whole point. That’s why I found tantra. I just… I s- just studied philosophy and religion for a very long time and landed [00:38:00] here, I’ve been here for 20 years, and I’ve never been told I’m doing something wrong. It’s, it’s actually quite, quite cool

Jon: If there is a book that has 10 laws, that suggests that there is breaking a law

Lance Cole: Hmm. Law 10 is live your life in la yon. So live your life in the unknown. Make love in the unknown, and just allow whatever comes to come, including yourself

Alonzo banx: Yeah, Noah, go ahead

Noah: Uh, so you mentioned that you’ve been, , studying philosophy for a big portion of your life. I consider myself like, , an optimistic nihilist, where I, I just, , I, I believe nothing matters. We are purely just a consequence of the Big Bang 14 billion years ago. There’s no free will. Nothing matters. Nobody matters.

Let’s not pretend it does. But that’s actually freeing. That allows us to just live and stop worrying. So from someone in that perspective, is this something that I could also [00:39:00] use, or is that limiting for me?

Lance Cole: Yeah. You’re still here. You’re still on the planet. You’re still a

Noah: That’s right.

Lance Cole: I, I agree with you. We’re, we’re, we’re meaning-making machines. We make everything mean something as human beings on this planet. That’s what we do. has a certain way of meaning, and we mean– make it mean something through our filter, each of our filters. Um, and to, to actually realize that and, and to just feel, like, without any meaning or attaching anything to it or, or making some kind of telepathic agreement with somebody or, or, or projecting onto somebody and just being with myself understanding how I feel, that’s what these– that’s what Tantra has brought to me, and it’s strictly through the breath, sound, and the movement and, and, and my desire to want to expand into my life. And I absolutely believe that we’re [00:40:00] meaning-making machines, me included. So yeah, I’m right there with you. It’s all bullshit. It’s a cosmic joke, right?

Noah: Yeah. All right

Lance Cole: at the same time

Alonzo banx: Catlin, close us out for tonight. What’s our last great thought on this topic?

Captain Lynn (2): I think the, the, the takeaway here of this whole conversation has been like that, that, you know, tantric practices, you know, is something worth considering, , for benefit of yourself, benefit of your relationships, benefit of community. And, , you know, it, it is not a dogma as, as Noah spoke to or John was concerned about even. Like, there’s, there’s no thou shalt be anything or not be, within it. It’s, a practice that in a lot of ways is self-defined. Like, how do you utilize the tools that are taught, taught through breath, sound, and movement, from these millennial practices in the past? And there’s those of us who have brought it into [00:41:00] a neo-tantra, I think is the term they use, understanding and real world application to just make a better life.

I’ve used it to level up my life, and I offer those out there considering it to take a look, a soft look and, um, and if it appeals to you, dive deeper and see what’s there for you.

Alonzo banx: Well said. Glance, we sprinkled it through the show a little bit, but give me a concise version. How do people get you? What events do you have coming up? What are your websites?

Lance Cole: All right. My, website is tribalfirelife.com. That is just simply my coaching site. If you wanna sign up to coach with me, just reach out through there. It’s got some brief descriptions on there and a little bit of it about me. And then the events I’m doing, those are at lorihandlers.com, go- on the Events page, and I’ll provide you with a link later on for that

Alonzo banx: Awesome. And all that stuff will be up on the website with the podcast. Captain, how can people find you?

Captain Lynn (2): Yeah, I’m at captainlynnellc.com. We’re currently in development, but you can [00:42:00] find me there f- also for coaching one-on-one, and, I’ve got community events I’m putting together. they’re more for fun, playful, embodied practices to, to connect with people. I currently got a fire, a snuggle ship event coming up this next Saturday here in Phoenix.

I’m not sure anybody here can attend, but anybody out there that’s listening, I don’t think it’s in time. And then I’m doing a thing called Groupgasm on August first, where we’re bringing in people that can’t know they can be hypnotized and leading through hypnotic state orgasms, ending in an intentional groupgasm at the very end of the event, of which we will be recording and my co-facilitator may incorporate into his current documentary that they’re building. A future development, I am putting together a trip and a body tantric trip to Catalina Island at the end of August.

Alonzo banx: For, for those who don’t realize, she’s called Captain Lin because she is a sea captain. [00:43:00] She takes big boats full of people out on trips. .

Captain Lynn (2): It is. For c- I always call it Captain Lynn’s Adventures. We’re working through that. But, um, my main to the world is to create adventure trips all over the world where you come out and you can experience the joy of being out on the water and at sea, and learn to sail if you choose, but also learn to connect and be with others that are like-minded.

Alonzo banx: Randy, Heather, Noah, Cupcake, Patty, John, and of course, Lance Cole and Kat Malin. Thank you for another great episode. the end of this episode, I am still Alonzo Banks, and this has been the “Poly SoCal” podcast. night everyone

Heather: Night

Captain Lynn (2): Bye. Thank

Brandi Beckett: Right

Lance Cole: Thanks