In our very first episode of The PolySoCal Podcast, we sit down with Noah, Cookie, and Cupcake — a connected, loving polycule navigating life, love, and growth together. They share their journey from friendship to deep connection, the joys and challenges of joining an existing relationship, and the powerful lessons they’ve learned about compersion, communication, and self-awareness. Whether you’re new to ethical non-monogamy or looking to deepen your understanding, this conversation offers an intimate look at how love can expand when rooted in trust, care, and curiosity.

Noah (00:49.024)
Yeah, I’d say you’re pretty close. I think the biggest thing is I don’t know if we really necessarily identify as a triad per se. We have Cupcake who is in a great, wonderful marriage, and her husband is not really a part of the dynamic per se. So we’re more of like a kitchen table, poly relationship, I would call it.

and less of a triad per se. It feels just like the triad kind of adds an extra level to the dynamic that excludes her husband. And I think out of respect for him, it feels a little exclusionary. But yeah, that would be the gist of it. I would agree that we’re a V with me being kind of the hinge there, with Cookie being my quote unquote nesting partner. That’s how you want to call it.

Yeah, and Cupcake is primarily like a play partner and a very close friend for both of us.

Alonzo Banx (01:54.458)
Okay, so I’m old and if I use a term that doesn’t settle well, say I’m gonna go ladies, do you agree with that? And if the ladies isn’t a bad term, just reach through and slap me upside the head. But would you agree with Noah’s assessment?

Cookie (02:09.482)
Yes, yes.

Cupcake (02:10.761)
Yeah. Yeah. And I mean, when you say V, I could say it’s a little bit more of a triangle because I do have my personal connection with Cookie as well. So it kind of loops around, but again, it’s not a closed triad by any means.

Alonzo Banx (02:25.282)
Nice. So how did you guys meet? How did this all get started? And I guess we’ll start with, we know that Cookie and Noah were pre-existing, so how did Cupcake, how did you come into the relationship?

Noah (02:37.749)
I’ll let you two answer that.

Cookie (02:40.48)
I made a profile on a, I guess, it’s not really a couples dating app. What would you call this?

Cupcake (02:50.301)
It’s a, an E and like dating app. So it’s centered more around like ethical non-monogamy or, you know, just open relationships, poly, kink and things like that. It’s a little bit more centered around those beliefs.

Cookie (02:55.178)
Yeah.

Cookie (03:08.756)
Right, yeah, I made a profile on there, kind of just open to looking for play partners and kind of ways to explore this world. It was fairly new for me and Noah and we felt like this was a decent way to try meeting people. And then I had been kind of upfront in some of the photos that I had posted that I went to some local festivals that Cupcake happened to also go to and kind of recognized like, that’s something we have in common.

And she reached out to me via message through that app and that’s kind of what what kicked things off for us.

Alonzo Banx (03:46.372)
So an actual dating app, it’s actually kind of rare for people to find a single woman on a dating app, or single as in a play alone partner, on a dating app.

Cookie (03:58.773)
Right?

Cupcake (03:59.081)
Yeah, I’d say so. like, I think it’s good to say too that like we started this as a friendship. Like I had no expectations of anything more than that, to be honest. It was like, wow, we have so much stuff in common. You live so close. Like it would just be nice to have friends around our area that, you know, we can do more things with and, you know, and if things come more than that, it was, you know, cool, but it wasn’t expected in the beginning for me at all.

Alonzo Banx (04:28.078)
My experience, the best relationships start that way. You start off as friends and it morphs into something. I think it’s much more organic. Pookie, what, like life experiences, what, what, put you in a position that you had an interest in these kinds of non-monotonous relationships?

Cookie (04:39.369)
Yes.

Cookie (04:48.863)
Sure, so early on I would say, you know, my dating life was super quiet. Throughout middle school and high school, I really didn’t date anyone, but I had a lot of friends and I had a lot of friendships with my closest friends that kind of, in addition to our friendship, there were like some sexual exploratory interests. And I think that

CAPTAIN LYNN (04:54.485)
Mm-hmm.

Cookie (05:16.735)
kind of set me up to kind of view relationships and friendships more flexibly, not so set as like, you know, you’re friends with them and therefore this is the bounding box that you’re within. These are the rules of being a friend. And I felt like authentic about that. I felt like that that was the experience that I wanted to have with them. And, you know, all the relationships around me were basically

standard monogamous and structure. So I kind of set myself up the same way, but I always kind of had this nagging, if you will, interest in kind of exploring alternate ways that that could go or involving some of my friends in some of these more intimate explorations that I wanted to have. it wasn’t something that I really got to share with a lot of my early relationships really until I met Noah. So

Diving into that more with someone else in a relationship is kind of still new to me.

Alonzo Banx (06:23.258)
Cupcake, how about you? What was your past influence? What shows you or how did you choose to lean into an E or a poly relationship?

Cupcake (06:35.541)
I mean, I don’t, unfortunately, it probably isn’t as a positive of experience as, some people would have had. would say, you one thing is that I was in theater. I was a theater kid. what do theater kids, you know, do most of the time when they’re bored is, you know, play kiss, you know, spin the bottle or whatever. I never dated as a younger person. I was busy doing theater obviously, but I was.

CAPTAIN LYNN (06:47.892)
Mm hmm.

Alonzo Banx (06:51.472)
as many of us.

Cupcake (07:04.981)
you know, one of the kissing bandits that would probably sneak off and kiss somebody. And, but I always had this mentality of what was normal of, you know, finding a husband and getting married and losing your virginity. And that was something I always was drilled into me as a young child. And that’s what I thought was real. Um, and unfortunately that kind of got thrown out the window when I was 20. And unfortunately my virginity was taken by sexual assault. And that kind of put me in a downward spiral of.

what is real life, what am I? I spent a good amount of years being completely afraid of just sex in general and relationships and getting close to anybody. And it started me kind of looking into the King community and BDSM and seeing where I fit in there. I explored that for a while, not really finding anything that was healthy necessarily. Until my late 20s.

I actually met probably my ex was the first person that I ever really knew that had a non-monogamous relationship. And so that was something that was really different to me. It was scary. I felt that I was kind of forced into it at that time, but at the time it was like, okay, well I’ll try. But it obviously wasn’t, you know, the most healthy of situations where you’re put in the situation, not by choice necessarily.

CAPTAIN LYNN (08:05.518)
.

Cupcake (08:34.069)
Um, but after that, it was, it was one of those situations where you’re, is, is this what life is? Is, I going to find somebody that’s ever going to want to be in a monogamous relationship with me and want me, you know, purely for me? And I kind of found my first DS relationship after that. And he was also, you know, in open relationships and poly. Um, but unfortunately that wasn’t the most healthy of situations either.

And I came out of that meeting my husband and my husband accepted me exactly who I was. And he said, we don’t have to be whatever. It can be whatever we want it to be. And I accept you for who you want to be. And I want to explore things with you. And we don’t need to put any type of like structure on it. It’s what we feel is okay for us. And so ever since then, you know, he’s just been that person that we’ve.

always sit and have our boundary talks anytime we go to an event and just kind of explore things as we’re comfortable dipping our toes when we’re comfortable. And he’s made that a big difference for me.

Alonzo Banx (09:37.538)
nice. You know, sometimes it we have to kiss a lot of frogs till we find the proof. But it sounds like you find it, you’re finding it now. Okay, so I’m to use a word, love or commitment was, are those words right in your relationship and the relationship the three of you were in? And was there a defining moment that

Cupcake (09:41.461)
Right.

Alonzo Banx (10:02.454)
for each of you or any of you changed how you view love and commitment.

Noah (10:09.09)
It’s a really, really good question. Yeah, I think we definitely have love for each other. Absolutely. You know, I certainly love both Cookie and Cupcake, both for the people that they are, but for the gifts they give to the world through their art. Both of them are extremely artistic. Excuse me. Extremely artistic people.

And that is a huge inspiration to me. And I would say that I am continuously inspired by them through that. As far as, remind me the second part of that question again.

Alonzo Banx (10:53.804)
Is there a moment where you knew that something changed in you about love or commitment? And are those words correct? You’ve already addressed love.

Noah (11:01.058)
About the love of commitment. Yeah, so for me personally, so, you know, I went through my whole life in monogamous relationships, one after another, and then had a failed 18 year marriage that I felt trapped in for essentially the entire time. And it was through, you know, my typical Midwest upbringing.

that I feel like, you know, the typical, you you get married. It was like, like I was checking off items in a notebook, right? I’m going to first graduate high school, that’s the check. And then I decide whether I’m gonna go to college or not. And if not, I’m gonna get a job. Okay, great. Now I go and I find a girl. Now I go get married. Now I buy a house. Now I have a kid. And I was just checking things off. I wasn’t really living my life.

And I feel like once I got out of that and I met Cookie and then not long after that, I met Cupcake, the whole idea, something that I had felt in me for a long time, that love was bigger than just between one other person that you are tied to and can never…

I never loved someone else. I feel like we all have so much love to give and it feels extremely restrictive. And that was a huge moment for me where it felt like this feels right. This feels like something not only that I can do, but that I want to do and that I should do. And I think that was the biggest change for me was A, finding people in my life who are

not only accepting of that idea, but are also feeling the same thing and then sharing it. It was a huge moment for me. And I think that’s the biggest, the change in the commitment style from there. And once you open that up and once you really open those lines of communication and honesty, right? I feel like those are the huge tenants of this, making sure you’re always checking in, making sure you’re always understanding each other.

Noah (13:24.746)
Now, suddenly the commitment is, while different, no less strong because I am committed to both of them in this relationship. And I honor that commitment, but the commitment isn’t restrictive. It’s not a pair of handcuffs.

It’s not like I’m being held down. And that I feel like is the biggest, the change, the biggest eye-opener for me. And I’ll never go back. I’ll never go back.

Alonzo Banx (14:03.332)
Cookie Cupcake, do you feel hearing those words from him? His explanation of that time.

Cupcake (14:10.857)
I mean, it all makes sense. It’s similar to how I was brought up and the mono normality that we were taught all these years. I would say that joining this relationship has really like, I think I understood that there was different kinds of love, but I never really felt it, if that makes sense. Like, sure, you love your parents, but it’s a different love than what you love with a partner. But there’s also different.

lines of love. There’s no straight line for any type of love. You you don’t choose who you love, I like to say, but you have to also put the commitment into nurturing that love and continuing that love and growing that love and developing it. And while it’s been really hard, I would say it’s it is it’s it’s really hard to join a relationship that’s already established. Like I would understand that it would be hard for anyone to join a relationship with myself and my husband.

And it can be challenging because, you know, like I look at their love and it’s one of the most beautiful things that I’ve ever experienced. And it’s, beautiful to see in their devotion and commitment. And like at times it could feel like I’m an outsider to that. And it could at times cause jealousy and could at times cause rejection, which are all things that, you know, I have to kind of go over with myself and, you know, work through on my own because it’s natural to be jealous.

but it’s whether or not you can handle it and if it’s something that you feel is healthy for you. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel wanted, I don’t feel loved, but it’s definitely a difficult thing to realize that you have that kind of love for multiple people and it may not be the same.

CAPTAIN LYNN (15:58.546)
you

Alonzo Banx (15:59.48)
These lifestyles are always a lot of work. I’m to come back to that if you don’t mind in just a minute. Cookie, I want to jump off to you as part of the original relationship or what we’ll call the core of the relationship. How did learning compersion affect you? What was your experience in accepting that with your partner?

Cookie (16:20.69)
Yeah, so that’s been an interesting experience because before I was with him, I had been in a couple relationships where there might have been like a one-off threesome experience. And I feel like that’s different. You don’t really get to the point of what I would describe as compersion with that. Like that’s more just like performative in some ways. But with this, with having Cupcake as part of our dynamic,

I get to see from the outside my loving partner with another person who I love and I get to see their dynamic and who he is with her and who she is with him. And in a way it enhances my appreciation for both of them because I get to see a part of them that I don’t bring out in them. I get to…

in some ways kind of be an outsider, but also know like I’m part of that. I’m part of these two people too. And I don’t view it as an exclusionary experience. don’t view it as being excluded. I very much view it as they’re sharing this with me. We are all sharing this moment together. I do, get a lot of joy from

you know, seeing her be comforted by him or the aftercare experiences and seeing them just comfortable together and vulnerable. And I like knowing that that’s not just for me. I like knowing that that’s something that can be shared because I think it’s a powerful experience for human connection. I think it is one of the most beautiful things that you can see. And it’s not something that a lot of people really feature out.

in the open, like we always talk about PDAs, right? there’s a couple kissing in the corner. And I feel like that’s different. That’s different than this, where you get to really share an intimate space. And, and yeah, kind of asking myself like, am I jealous right now? Like, am I feeling like I should be part of that? Like, I, those thoughts are quickly kind of eroded, because I know, I know that I am part of it. And, and this is just, you know,

Cookie (18:39.846)
almost like watching a movie, like I get to enjoy this. I get to see both of these people that I love be together and do beautiful things. And I, yeah, I don’t find those jealous moments at all. just, I’m just so happy that we can all be comfortable with this, that we all get to go home and feel warm and feel like our cups are filled after experiencing this and sharing this together.

And I think it, yeah, it gives me just a greater appreciation for the depth of our intimacy, for the depth of these relationships that we have. And yeah, it’s just something I didn’t get to have before.

Alonzo Banx (19:17.786)
think you just very beautifully and elegantly explained compersion. And on that, think that’s the key to being successful, in my opinion, in this kind of relationship. How did you get there? What did it take you? Or were you there already and it just came out of you naturally?

Cookie (19:24.19)
I did. I did.

Cupcake (19:24.341)
You

CAPTAIN LYNN (19:25.674)
Mm hmm.

Cookie (19:39.742)
Yeah, that’s what I wanted. It’s interesting, like, I had thoughts come up like, maybe I should be feeling this way, right? And then I check myself like, am I feeling this way? Am I feeling jealous? People say I would be feeling jealous in a moment like this, but I find I just naturally am not. And it could just be that I’ve had a lot of time mentally and through experience to kind of prep for an experience like this. And it may just be that I just.

don’t have a lot of tendency towards jealousy anyway. But I can’t really say that I had much of a fight there. I can’t really say that there was much to deal with there for me. But there was a lot of like thoughts like maybe I should, maybe I should have a conflict here. There’s so many people out there who would not be okay with this. So why am I like, but alas, that’s kind of where I was at.

Cupcake (20:29.802)
Mm-hmm.

CAPTAIN LYNN (20:34.679)
Mm-hmm.

Alonzo Banx (20:40.906)
I think that’s beautiful. Cupcake, for you, you were stepping into what is obviously a very loving relationship, as you said, watching the love between them. What surprised you most? What surprised you about the dynamic of stepping into a pre-existing relationship?

Cupcake (21:06.128)
it.

Cupcake (21:09.909)
I don’t know how, I mean, I kind of, it’s not what I expected. I mean, I think it was, had so many negative experiences that I didn’t have expectations. But what it made me kind of really dig into realizing is those expectations and not having expectations and being able to start.

exploring relationships in the sense of not expecting one person to fill all of my boxes, to fill all of those needs that I need. And when I started realizing that, I was able to have more meaningful relationships and be able to be more vulnerable. And my relationship with my husband got better because I didn’t expect him to be everything I needed and being able to, you know, have two other people that I just…

meld with so well and you know they filled the boxes that maybe he didn’t fill which is not his responsibility. Nobody should expect anybody to be 100 % what you need from them. That’s just not reality. That’s not, those are unrealistic you know expectations and I’ve, the last year I’ve never felt like more myself as a person than I you know do now and it’s it’s it’s helped me

tremendously in my self-esteem and my depression, my anxiety and just like my happiness overall.

Alonzo Banx (22:41.242)
How do you balance all of the needs? How do you keep this all together?

Cupcake (22:48.405)
You

CAPTAIN LYNN (22:49.742)
Mm-hmm.

Cupcake (22:50.921)
You

Noah (22:51.266)
Well, I mean, I suppose you have to ask them whether I do or not. However, I try my best. I do suffer from ADHD, which can make me be sometimes a little inattentive, but I do try to make up for it as much as I can. So we actually use an app that helps us kind of track things, right? And part of that is…

Alonzo Banx (22:54.589)
Hahaha

CAPTAIN LYNN (22:55.768)
No.

Noah (23:19.778)
We actually have a way that both of them can earn like dates or like we got like on a boba date or they have like a dinner date or whatever, right? And not only is it good because they’re providing things for me in the relationship, but it also helps make sure that I’m providing things for them in the relationship and give them both one on one time, both.

moments where they can be vulnerable with me without necessarily having the other one in the room, right? I think that’s also important that it’s not just a, know, Cupcake is hanging out with Cookie and Noah. It’s Noah and Cupcake go and have a boba date and hang out for an hour or two and have a conversation and talk about things, talk about problems, right? To talk about issues that we’re having in the relationship. Talk about what’s going right. And you know, it’s cliche.

in all relationships that communication is the key. I think it’s doubly important in this kind of scenario, right? And I think that’s really the biggest thing for me is I try with both of them, not only to give them individual attention, but to also make sure that I give them an opportunity and give them the space to be able to feel like they can talk to me about anything. I hope that I give that to them both because…

I don’t feel like this works at all with any kind of secrets, and I mean any. I want them to be able to just tell me, this isn’t working. And obviously there’s ways to speak kindly to each other. But I think just being open and honest and not letting things fester, I think that’s how any relationship fails. But especially in a dynamic like this, it really can eat away quickly.

unless you’re able to tackle things head on. I don’t think it works well for people who are constantly avoidance of confrontation. I think there’s a certain level of ability to be able to express yourself that’s required. And both cooking and cupcake are very good at that. yeah, I think that’s how I try. I try to balance it that way.

Alonzo Banx (25:39.802)
Okay. Ladies, it work?

Cookie (25:43.834)
Yeah, no, he does good. And I think we all do well to kind of create an atmosphere of like, this is a shame free space. Like whatever you want to say, you’re not going to be guilted or shamed or any less of a person for having those feelings, whatever they are. and we, we truly have that openness to hearing each other out and we are very verbally.

positive. We encourage each other to bring things up as they are or if you need time to process it, you want to bring it up later, we make sure that we do that and we make sure we follow up and we make sure that there’s no lingering resentments or bothersome concerns and everything is addressed, you know, promptly and with care and yeah, when a repair has to come up, we seem to be able to do it and it’s been great.

Alonzo Banx (26:39.416)
Thank you, Gregory.

Cupcake (26:40.583)
Yeah, I mean, I obviously agree. There’s definitely, there’s been so much communication and that’s, it’s been amazing because it can be, you know, there’s been plenty of times where I will come out and say, look, I’m processing some stuff right now and I’m going to think it through. And then I would love to discuss it tomorrow or the next day, or, you know, there had been something that was said, and then I will kind of.

sit and think about it and then I will address it and be like, hey, this was said, what did you mean by this? Because I’m taking it this way and I want to make sure I’m not misunderstanding it. And I have appreciated the fact that, you know, they’ve both have always been completely open and honest with me and it allowed me to be able to, you know, have that communication.

Alonzo Banx (27:28.818)
Clearly communication is everything. I mean you guys are obviously on the right side of doing it right and I think a lot of that is because of communication. Okay, want you to give me a two-line answer, not the big… How do you collectively make decisions? The short answer, each one of you.

see some giggles, some smiles. How do you make decisions? What’s the process?

Noah (27:55.298)
How do we collectively make decisions?

Alonzo Banx (27:57.656)
Yeah, I mean when I’m with one other person it’s hard to figure out what you want for dinner. I mean one of the big things when you’re in a poly relationship is four people trying to figure out where to go to dinner. Man, you end up sitting in the kitchen not eating anything. How do you guys decide?

Noah (28:12.576)
Yeah, that’s true. You know, it’s funny when you talk about dinner, know, Cookie typically cooks me dinner and then when we have cupcake over, we go to her house, she cooks me dinner too. So that helps a lot. Yeah. You know, for us, I think it is two parts. One is I think we’re all relatively easy going.

Cupcake (28:26.069)
you

Cookie (28:27.954)
we eat what we’re given,

Cupcake (28:29.653)
Okay.

Noah (28:40.266)
and we all communicate very well. And so someone can say, we want this or I want this, and then everybody agrees or someone says no, and then we move to the next thing. And none of us are difficult to deal with and difficult to come to decisions or pleas. And I think that’s kind of key there. We’re not highly particular people.

Alonzo Banx (29:12.218)
Ladies, you know, I’m not letting you off the hook.

Cupcake (29:16.469)
Cookie (29:16.766)
I feel like, you know, if there’s a problem, we clarify the problem. We don’t talk about the problem in the abstract. We define the problem because you’re not going to get a solution if you don’t really know what the problem is. You’re just going to dance around it, right? So yeah, define the problem and then agree on the solution. And we happen to be agreeable people.

Alonzo Banx (29:35.514)
when

Alonzo Banx (29:40.548)
I was just about to ask you what strategies you use after misunderstandings. And I think you were just touching on that because I think, you know, we’re all human and things happen in our relationships. And the key to a successful relationship is navigating the aftermath.

Cookie (29:46.408)
Yeah.

Cupcake (29:59.059)
I think there, I’ll touch on that is like, I don’t really honestly think there’s been a lot of misunderstandings in our relationship at all. And I think that is due to the fact that we’re so open with each other 20, 24 seven, feels like we’re very communicative. So we understand each other enough that like, there isn’t a lot of times that like I’m misunderstanding that or this isn’t going right. Or this is a problem is that we’re just constantly communicating. And it’s just kind of always a little bit more smooth sailing because of that.

There’s not things being held back at any point.

Cookie (30:33.086)
Mm-hmm.

Alonzo Banx (30:33.625)
Have any of you ever considered stepping back, stepping away from the polyamory or the life and going back, Ella?

Cupcake (30:41.289)
I mean, I could dive into that one probably a little bit more than, I mean, at least recently. We did have a point in this year from like about January to I would say late April that I stepped back from the dynamic due to some family issues that I needed to handle. And it was a big eye-opener to me. I mean, it-

really made me realize how much this is who I am. And though that time was very important for me to take because I needed to focus on that and that was at that time my priority. But the fact that these two people never wavered in their care or their support for me made me really realize that like these, I don’t want these people to not be in my life, you know, and there could have been

Any point that they just stepped away from me in that situation because I wasn’t present or whatever it was and they never did. that even more proved that this is where I am and this is where I want to be.

Alonzo Banx (31:52.57)
Beautiful. So we’re getting running towards the end of time. So I’m going to ask each of you one question. Cookie, what’s something that you wish people understood about the hard parts of triad life?

Cookie (32:08.99)
I think

Cookie (32:14.374)
It’s hard to say because everybody’s going to come at it from a different perspective given their experiences, but I do think that understanding levels of intimacy is kind of important to really understand the dynamic and understand what progress in the dynamic looks like and where your other partners could meet you.

and where maybe you can’t or where you’d like to grow towards. And I think just awareness of where you’re at, of how close you are to someone is really crucial. And I’m not sure that’s something we’re ever really taught. think, you sometimes we have a close, what we consider a close relationship with a family member or in a relationship with a partner or with a friend. But I think when you’re in a poly relationship, a lot of

those types of loves and intimacy moments kind of blend together and it’s kind of a new kind of cocktail to deal with. And I think there’s a special level of awareness that it requires to do it well. And a lot of that is self-awareness. And so I hope and wish that people who want to pursue this just explore a lot of self-awareness before they do it so that they’re able to handle that well and not feel lost in it.

Alonzo Banx (33:34.062)
Cupcake for you. What’s the most beautiful or unexpected gift that this lifestyle has given you?

Cupcake (33:45.717)
the amount of support and you know just friendship and you know something that

I knew that I had in my relationship with my husband, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with the support that I get from him, but being able to, again, going back to the kind of filling all the boxes and that there’s no straight line and that there’s, love is different in every direction and every relationship is different and going into any type of.

a non-monogamous relationship, each one of those are going to be different just like you had with any other relationship that you’ve had. It’s going to be different and being able to adapt and kind of really understand yourself in what your, you know, what jealousy means to you. And, know, me being able to understand my jealousy had more to do with my fear of abandonment or fear of not being good enough or fear of not being wanted or being replaced. And

all over just FOMO, you know, and being able to just really see their relationship as their own relationship as well and understanding that they have that, you know, connection and devotion, whether or not I’m there and part of it, you know, at the time, it does, it’s not me taking it personally. It’s not me being separated from it. It’s just being able to like learn that and being real, you know, open to.

understanding more about how I’m a demisexual and that like I need to have a mental connection with people or I need to have some kind of care for that person to you know find relief or pleasure in a sexual relationship you know casual sex was fine as a kid but did I ever come away from it like feeling positive about it you know or feeling really good about it and knowing that I want to know that I like that person and I would

Cupcake (35:42.225)
experience a much different experience and a memory rather than just some random person that I met and that’s been something to really discover recently as well.

Alonzo Banx (35:53.316)
Beautiful. Noah, last question. How has your understanding of love and intimacy changed or expanded through this dynamic with the three of you?

Noah (36:07.55)
Until I met specifically Cookie, but also Cupcake, I had not realized that any sort of partnership, romantic partnership of any kind could be non-combative. And I don’t mean that in the sense of a highly toxic combative relationship, but in

The idea that there is a power struggle and a constant need for winning or someone needs to lose or what have you, that had been basically every relationship I had been in prior to this. And the three of us have none of that. It is a level of intimacy I have never experienced before.

and never want to lose. you know, we are all poly. We are, you know, open to having other relationships and, occasionally have other experiences with other people too. But we are certainly the core of our dynamic. And I think that that amount of love and trust and care is something I didn’t believe was possible.

until this and that is the biggest thing that I’ve come away with. something again, like I said earlier, I’ll never go back. I would rather be all by myself and lonely than not have this, right? Than to have something bad like I had before. Yeah.

Alonzo Banx (37:53.986)
I think you guys are an amazing example of how to do it right. And I thank each of you for being on here tonight. It means a lot to me and I know it means a lot to the people that are listening. know, most of our audience are people that are trying to understand what this can mean in their life. Is this kind of happiness achievable in this kind of dynamic? Because clearly the world we play in is not the world that everyone understands.

I think a lot of people look at this and they see the sexuality, they see the erotic side, they don’t understand the dinner dates and movies and things that are just a life experience.

show that very, well.

I’m getting a hint that my microphone is too low. Is that what you’re saying? well, I’ll yell louder. Fortunately, I can pump it up on my end. You guys are, you guys, that sounded, anyway. I want to thank you for, I’ll cut all that part out. Any last words that you want to give to any of the listeners out there?

Cookie (38:41.662)
Thank you.

Noah (38:42.838)
Good.

CAPTAIN LYNN (38:44.823)
Something hard to hear you

Cupcake (38:45.077)
Thank

Cupcake (38:52.149)
The technology.

Alonzo Banx (39:06.464)
Anything that you didn’t get a chance to say that you wish you had.

Noah (39:12.512)
Yeah, for me, I would just say that if this is something that you are interested in pursuing, there are groups and communities out there that you can find. If you just try to look a little bit, they’re in your area. They are all over the Internet. You can learn so much about this. And I think the biggest takeaway is, you know, if you are

curious about it, find other like-minded people. Absolutely. Come to PolysoCal. That’s exactly right. And I think it’s especially important because you want to find like-minded people because you will not be able to force the people around you who are not into this, into this. Right? So if it’s something that you want, find other like-minded people and find your

Alonzo Banx (39:44.75)
You mean like come to PolysoCal or something like that. Yeah.

Cookie (39:46.622)
Perhaps something like that.

Cupcake (39:46.677)
There you go. Good segue.

CAPTAIN LYNN (39:47.886)
You

CAPTAIN LYNN (39:58.798)
Yep.

Alonzo Banx (40:02.965)
Absolutely.

Noah (40:11.018)
your experience. That’s the best way.

Alonzo Banx (40:13.464)
very very well said and the reason that we do these. Ladies the last word to you, anything?

Cookie (40:20.614)
I mean, I don’t have much to add to that other than, like relationships should be an authentic exploration of you and how you relate to other people. And if you are in a place that makes you feel limited, you know, don’t take that to your grave. Don’t regret it, you know. Find ways to navigate that if you’re with someone. But again, you know that you can’t change the people you’re with. You can’t force a change like that.

If people grow, it’s because they chose to grow and that includes you. And I think, you know, I’m grateful that I got to have this experience and I only get to have this experience because I made a very difficult decision to leave a situation that wouldn’t have let me have this experience. you know, it’s risky to do that, but there’s nothing better than feeling aligned with your own values, with exploring yourself and what you.

what you want to do with this life. And I think that these types of relationships are a big part of that. And they’re not very openly modeled, unfortunately. that’s, you know, maybe that’s something we can change. Yeah.

Alonzo Banx (41:30.158)
Cupcake, last word to you, anything?

CAPTAIN LYNN (41:30.766)
Mm hmm.

Cupcake (41:34.757)
It’s not easy. It’s not, you know, sunshine and rainbows and you have to kind of know that going into it, but that also doesn’t mean there isn’t amazing, beautiful moments within it and that you learn more about yourself each day and you learn more about yourself and what you want and who you want to be and to go easy on yourself and take baby steps and communicate and make sure that you’re not, you know, yeah, diving head first might sound like it might just be the easiest way, but

I don’t think that’s the best way. You need to really understand how you feel in the moment and how you handle jealousy or you handle the moments when you see a partner with a different partner and just be easy on yourself and don’t take things personally and just grow at a pace that is healthy. Again, don’t force other people into something. Don’t force yourself into something because you think that it’s the right way.

right place to be or the right way to do it. If it’s not comfortable, you need to do it a different way. It’s not a straight line and every relationship is going to be different.

Alonzo Banx (42:43.63)
Thank all of you, very much appreciate having you on tonight.

Noah (42:46.886)
Thank you for having us.

Cookie (42:47.39)
Thank you.

CAPTAIN LYNN (42:48.142)
Okay.

Cupcake (42:48.159)
Thank you.

Alonzo Banx (42:49.284)
Good night, everyone.