In this episode, the PolySoCal panel explores a big question: Is ethical non monogamy on the rise, and could it actually change the world? The conversation looks at cultural shifts, generational differences, accessibility through the internet, and how acceptance varies by geography and social environment.

Panelists discuss whether ENM is becoming more visible versus truly more common, how younger generations approach relationships differently, and whether social and economic pressures influence alternative relationship structures. The group also addresses concerns around accountability, emotional responsibility, and whether polyamory risks making relationships feel disposable.

Rather than landing on a single answer, the episode highlights nuance: ENM may not transform the world overnight, but it may expand empathy, communication, and acceptance in meaningful ways over time.

Alonzo Banx, Heather, Ash, Cookie, Cupcake, Noah, Beeb, Max

Alonzo Banx (00:00)
Welcome back to the PolysoCal Podcast. So we got a lot of stuff going on tonight. A really cool question here is, are in the holidays between the holidays? In the house we’ve got Heather, Ash, Cookie, Beeb, Cupcake, Noah, and me. I’m Alonzo Banks. Tonight’s question is, is poly going to change the world? So with that, hi everybody.

Ash (00:20)
Hi.

Beeb (00:20)
Hello.

Noah (00:20)
Hey.

Cookie (00:20)
Hello?

Heather (00:20)
Bye.

Cupcake (00:21)
Hello.

Alonzo Banx (00:22)
Let’s do the quick go around. Heather, welcome.

Heather (00:25)
Hi, I’m Heather. I’m sure listeners kind of know my quad by now, so I’ll be quick. Husbands be boyfriend, John, fiance, Patty. That’s it.

Alonzo Banx (00:35)
Welcome and be we have you in the house tonight again honored tonight say hello

Beeb (00:39)
Hello. Yep,

married to Heather, dating Patty, and John is my metamore.

Alonzo Banx (00:44)
Nice. And John and Patty aren’t with us tonight. So we’re going to jump over to Mr. Noah. And you’ve got the whole triad here tonight.

Noah (00:50)
Hey, yeah,

I’m Noah and I’ve got cookie and cupcake here. They’re both my girlfriends and each other’s girlfriends. Happy to be here.

Alonzo Banx (00:59)
Welcome back. ⁓

Cupcake (00:59)
Tastetrees.

Cookie (01:01)
The pastries were the

pastries. That’s right.

Heather (01:02)
pastries.

Alonzo Banx (01:03)
Well, let’s introduce the pastries and our my screen cookie Europe first

Cookie (01:08)
I am one of the pastries. am Noah’s girlfriend. Cupcake is also my girlfriend and very good friend. I go buy a cookie and I, yeah, I don’t know. I really don’t know what else to say.

Cupcake (01:11)
Thanks

Alonzo Banx (01:25)
Well, I think you covered it. Welcome back, Miss Cupcake.

Cupcake (01:29)
Hi, I’m Cupcake. ⁓ I could say the exact same thing everyone else has said, but I also have a husband, along with my partner, obviously, Noah and Cookie.

Alonzo Banx (01:39)
Welcome. Ash, good to have you on tonight.

Ash (01:41)
Hi,

I know it’s been a while. Hi, I’m Ash. I do have a partner of seven years and I am the hostess at some of our in-person events and yeah, that’s about it.

Alonzo Banx (01:52)
Well, welcome everyone. Thanks for getting together yet again on this Sunday night. So the question is really, is Polly on the rise? And there’s a lot of belief that the world would be a much better place once Polly takes over and becomes a normal lifestyle. Now, I got to tell you, I’ve heard this for many, many decades at this point. But is it true? And that’s a two-part question. Is the world changing?

And will a change in the lifestyle, if it happens, really change the world?

Heather (02:16)
you

Ash (02:20)
Noah’s got his hand out.

Alonzo Banx (02:20)
Go

ahead Noah.

Noah (02:22)
Is the world changing? mean, absolutely. It’s always changing. But I think obviously most people would agree no matter where you fall. last 10, 15 years or so we’ve had quite the shift in dynamics, think, politically, religiously, sexually, all around. And I think there’s huge extremes that have kind of come from that, right? What used to be

more niche in our world has become easier to access, more accessible. So I think people who might trend more towards the idea of wanting to be Polly or knowing that they are Polly and wanting to learn more have so many more options available as far as learning more about it and trying to find partners who are open to it. And then on the other side, I think we have

a huge cultural shift as trending much more conservative in a lot of ways. And so there’s that other extreme where I think there’s perhaps a battle on whether this is going to be something that is as socially acceptable as it’s been the last five or so years, I would say. I’m kind of curious to see where that’s going. But I’ve been both online and in person.

seeing a lot more hardcore monogamy is the only way sort of rhetoric. You’ve got the trad wife stuff going on, all sorts of things. So I guess my answer is I don’t know if this is the future of relationships per se. I think we’re going to probably continue to see more popularization of it.

But whether or not it is more mainstream acceptable, I think is still for debate and might even have more pressures the opposite way.

Alonzo Banx (03:57)
I want to comment on a couple things you said, but I want to get some more thoughts here first. We’ve got, Bebe, Noah Cupcake, or Bebe Ash Cupcake, and I think Heather now, I’ll have your hand up. Bebe, I think you were first. Please jump in.

Beeb (04:07)
So do I think it’s going to change the world? Not in our lifetime. But I do see our youth of today having a much more acceptance of whether you’re gay, lesbian, know, poly, whatever. They’re more accepting of all the things. That’s what I had to say about it.

Alonzo Banx (04:27)
That’s an interesting question. Do you feel that it’s more acceptable in current U.S. society to be gay or to be poly?

Ash.

Beeb (04:36)
Mm-hmm.

Alonzo Banx (04:36)
baby, if you had to come back,

Beeb (04:38)
⁓ I was

gonna say, I would say it was more accepting to be gay or lesbian. But I also think that’s due to the lack of knowledge of poly as a youth. If I grew up knowing poly, I would have started this for my teens, you know? But I didn’t know it was even an option back then.

Alonzo Banx (04:56)
Hash. ⁓ sorry, cupcake, please.

Ash (04:57)
⁓ Cupcake did have her hand up before me.

Cupcake (04:59)
Yeah,

yeah. I battle with whether or not how much it’s actually on a rise or how much it’s more accessible and, you know, resources like Noah was saying are more acceptable. But sure, I believe that it is a little bit more socially acceptable now and that there is a sort of rise from that. But I think it also is a lot of people that are now being able to feel more freely about telling people that they.

live these lifestyles and so maybe that’s also contributing to that amount. Do I think that it is going to become the new norm at any point? I don’t think so, honestly, unless there is a, like Beeb was saying, in our lifetime, no. There needs to be a complete shift in the dynamic of just the world itself before I feel like that would ever be a shift at any point to one side from the other.

Alonzo Banx (05:50)
S

Ash (05:50)
So I definitely agree on some points that I feel like it is just something that is more accessible because of how easy it is for us to connect through the internet and that, you know, for people who are interested in such a thing, like they are exposed to more people who are acceptable to the thing. Like, you know, you can’t really, you can be Polly and walk into a club and be like, yeah, these are my two girlfriends. But if you do the same thing, walking into a Catholic church, you might have some issues.

So I really feel like it’s a set and setting thing. Is it going to change the world? There’s no way. It’s not something that’s going to change the world. It might change our country a bit, but not enough for all the hippies dreams to come true and love and peace to bring us all together because sadly that’s just not how society works. And as for the rest of the world, like, you know, we all, they all live under different cultures, different, you know, what’s right and what’s wrong and how they’re raised. And I don’t see it just being something that’s going to be a worldwide.

sort of deal.

Alonzo Banx (06:45)
cooking.

Cookie (06:45)
Yeah, I definitely agree with Beeb where, you when you talk to the younger, younger folks, it feels like they are much more open to the idea that the dynamic and the setup of a relationship is kind of whatever you want. And I think that that is like super beautiful. I think that’s probably like a big product of the internet and just having access to like a global view of everyone and

having so many different perspectives and normalizing the fact that, the world is filled with different perspectives. And I think that part is really beautiful. I think now and throughout history, there’s always kind of been different, we’ll call them just clubs and groups of people who feel very strongly that they require 100 %

participation and mirroring of their dynamic setups, of a monogamous setup, of a nuclear family setup. And people really get it in their heads that they need to defend that, and that is the only way. And the thought that someone else outside of them would be doing something different is very uncomfortable, and it’s difficult to face. ⁓ And I think this whole poly movement feels like it’s part of a

bigger shift in awareness. feel like over the years, especially with the internet, there’s been a lot of focus on the self and the ego, despite having access to everything and all of these people in the globe around you. Everyone’s kind of asking, okay, like, what’s important to me and why is that important to me? And I think it is kind of, I’m not sure that Polly is going to change the world, but I think it is kind of a piece of the puzzle where we kind of start to accept

that a human experience and a relationship experience can take many forms. And it is an exploration. There isn’t a assured answer that this is what it is. We have biological systems that interact. And there’s not just one. It doesn’t have to be just one.

And while it may not be a smooth transition, I do think, you know, Polly is appealing to that progressive mindset of seeing more and trying more and seeing what it is to be human and playing with that experience.

Alonzo Banx (08:58)
I’d like to think so. Let me give you some numbers, though, that I think are pretty interesting. Currently, between 20 and 22 % of adults in the US have at some point engaged in some form of non-monogamy. They claim that between 4 and 5 % of adults currently in the US are in an E relationship. With approximately 10 %…

having had relationships outside of a monogamous relationship. Interesting statistic. It says 1 in 3 in the US would like to be and 41 % are intrigued by it.

Now, yeah, and when you go around the world, Canadians are 20%. Europe and Britain, it’s only one in 25 people.

Noah (09:34)
Very interesting.

Cookie (09:35)
Mm-hmm.

Cupcake (09:35)
Hmm.

Noah (09:44)
Really?

Alonzo Banx (09:44)
That

is a huge cultural change.

Cupcake (09:45)
Not surprised,

yeah, that one I’m not surprised about.

Alonzo Banx (09:48)
And here’s the biggest one, is that currently in the US, there has been a 6 % drop in people who want to be monogamous between 2019 and 2024.

Noah (09:58)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Cupcake (10:03)
You know what?

And I feel like COVID has a lot to do with that.

Cookie (10:07)
Yeah.

Alonzo Banx (10:07)
So how do those numbers play into what you think and know you have your end up?

Noah (10:10)
Yeah, I think those are all interesting. I’m not really sure what to make of the the international numbers there. But when it comes to specifically the last one you talked about the drop and people who desire to be non-monogamous, I wonder if there is some demographics at play there. I’d like to know more about that. ⁓

Cookie (10:30)
Right.

Noah (10:31)
My question about it is…

We continue to live in a very polarized world and so it can be hard to parse real information from from false information and what I mean by that is The idea that somebody says something internet and it means something is silly, right? As far as I’m concerned some jackass on Twitter or X or whatever the hell it is now says something It means nothing to me. Why would I care what some jackass in a basement somewhere says? It doesn’t mean anything to me, right? but there there’s a

There’s an amplification that happens because it’s accessible to everybody and it gets retweeted or re-ext or whatever the hell they call it now. And it goes through this whole amplification process and makes things sound bigger than they are. However, with that in mind, what I’m concerned with, I suppose, specifically for our space in polyamory and our world is the rise of this extreme

misogyny that I’m seeing, especially with young men specifically. And what I mean by that is Gen Z, Gen Alpha, young men who are being manipulated by these jackasses. I don’t even want to say their name, but it rhymes with hate, right? And it’s unfortunate. What I’m worried about is this indoctrination spreading

like a virus and causing us problems in the future. And I’m hoping that there’s a pendulum swing there, like we often get in culture before it gets too out of hand. But that same amplification that’s happening is also to our benefit. It’s also happening in the polyamory world where, again, like we’ve talked about, you can get to this information easier. There are more influencers who are polyamorous. There are more people who are doing podcasts like this who are

who are polyamorous, are trying to spread knowledge, information, the ability to be able to communicate with others who are like-minded has never been easier and better. And I don’t know where this is going to lead. I’m hoping that, obviously because I’m a little biased that it leans a little towards my direction, the polyamory side, where we…

we choose love over isolation and hate, is what the other side feels like. But there’s this strange dichotomy that I’m not really sure has existed before, but as someone who’s not lived forever, it’s hard to really say. Obviously there’s always been a monogamy and a free love side to the world. And it feels like both sides are bigger than ever. That’s how it feels to me right now. Just in the last five,

maybe eight years, it’s really gotten amplified on both sides and I’m curious to see where this goes.

Alonzo Banx (13:04)
said a couple of really important things I want to touch on. First, I think the funny part is the fact that you and I, who both very clearly identify as male dominance, are both against misogyny. And I think most people would find that a very unique perspective. But there’s also another thing to keep in mind. The name of this podcast, Poly SoCal, we all clearly identify as coming from

Noah (13:15)
Absolutely.

Alonzo Banx (13:27)
a predominantly very liberal part of the world. often say in Southern California, we live in our own little ecosystem where it is much more accepting here. If we were having this conversation, and I see Heather, if we were having this conversation somewhere in the deep South or somewhere where the Bible built, I think it would be a very different immediate social area. The internet has changed that to where

those societies now have external connections. Cupcake, see you, Heather, jump on you. It’s something you wanted to say.

Cupcake (13:57)
She’s

Heather (13:58)
I started my lifestyle journey on the East Coast in places that are very religious and more conservative. I felt that it was more accepting in the lifestyle on the East Coast than it is here publicly speaking. That’s what I have to say on that. And I was living in that lifestyle on the East Coast for five years and I was very open.

even with my boss. So, or could it just been that I ran into the right people who were really accepting people. also have Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids. And I do feel that kids nowadays are being raised differently. I just had a bunch of kids at my house over the holidays and just hearing them talk.

and how accepting they are of who a person is and who they want to love. I found that very interesting what some 14-year-old boys were saying in my house. So that made me happy.

So I do feel it’s going to change for the better, but not in my lifetime. It’s gonna take a long time, especially in the US.

Alonzo Banx (14:55)
There’s no question.

Well, there’s no question geography and the region you were in make a big difference. They say the East Coast, East Coast can be New York City, East Coast can be Carolina. mean, there’s a lot of East Coast. So without digging deeper into your past, I would question the region of the East Coast.

Heather (15:16)
yeah.

Alonzo Banx (15:17)
There’s some pretty liberal

and some pretty, yeah.

Ash or Cupcake, were up next.

Cupcake (15:22)
Yeah, so I’m, you know, I’m to touch base on what Heather was saying. But, you know, it kind of stems down to like, do I believe that the human race themselves are like, made to be monogamous? Like, no, I think, you know, we’ve been brainwashed for so long that, you know, something becomes normal, and because no one really knows there’s another option, and they’re being told that there is one option. And

if I feel like that wasn’t created by government or whatever you want to stem it down to, that we would be in a different place for sure. And I think as far, this is something that’s really come up in the holidays because I have my own family issues and it’s also going to depend on who you feel like you can be open to. So I…

Would I love to be able to shout at the rooftops that, you know, who I am as a person to my family and my blood relatives, or would I rather have the chosen family I have in my life to accept me for exactly who I am? That’s all I really feel like I need. Like, would it be great to have my family accept me? Yeah, but at this point in my life and just knowing that I haven’t really been accepted for

anything in my life from, you know, people like my mother. It’s, I don’t need it, you know what I mean? It doesn’t matter to me anymore. At least at this point in time in my life, because the people that I want to accept me, because I love them in a different way, rather than a blood relative, it’s, it’s what I feel like is more important to me at this time. So it’s also dependent on like how and who you can feel like you’ve been opened up to and how many people are actually

notating that in a study or in a social gathering or social space.

Alonzo Banx (17:09)
And you brought up, you know, whether or not it’s a construct. Western love is clearly a construct. It is not the universal standard in the world. You know, when you have a lot of arranged marriages, you have a lot of different styles of love and relationships around the world. So clearly, the westernized style of love is not a universal standard to start with. Ash?

Ash (17:29)
So I just kinda wanted to touch base because it’s been brought up a couple different times like our next generation, the younger ones and stuff and I feel like it’s gonna be a really hard like either one way or another because like you know with my young and like I raised her to be loving and open and accepting and she’s she’s her own kind of creature and you know I know people who have kids that they’re the same way with their kids and we also with the new the newer generation I feel like

a lot of parents are a lot more emotionally understanding than maybe our parents were back in the day and more emotionally willing to like connect with our children and you know get them into therapy you know things that like you know therapy was never a thing when i was a kid like you just suck it up you know that was it but then i also feel like there’s kids who have like

No parental construct when it comes to the things that they view on the internet. know, like Noah was stating, you get the really misogynist and really just downright hateful and misunderstanding of other people. And so I feel like our next generation, it could blossom either way. You could get a bunch of people who have been wrecked by the internet and the negativity and the hate, and they’re going to push it really hard. But you also do have a lot more people and a lot more parents nowadays, like

being there emotionally for their children and listening to them and letting them feel big feelings without saying, hey, well, this is wrong or you shouldn’t feel this way. that was just the thought of mine.

Alonzo Banx (18:57)
Noah?

Noah (18:58)
Yeah. You know, there’s a lot of good points from brought up at this point. think I think for me, you know, if we’re talking about the future, talking about the kids makes a lot of sense. And, you know, like B mentioned earlier, you know, talked about how there’s a lot more acceptance. And I have also seen that, too. Right. So my fear of the these other, you know, extreme misogynist

capturing the minds of young men. Perhaps there is an equal number of young people who are on the other side. What I’m actually really curious about that, and honestly, I’m not sure if this is good for polyamory or not, but I’m really curious about the economic pressures that young people are feeling.

You know, the when hippies created their communes back in the day, right? It was More about being Anti-social is not the right word. There’s a better word for it. I can’t think of right now, but they’re countercultural, right? They were being countercultural They’re trying to find their own space of free love live the way that they wanted to live and that was the primary goal, right? They were trying to be

Around and isolate themselves with their own people which makes a lot of sense. That’s how a lot of religions are started, right the the The pressures that young people are facing now are just purely being unable to even afford their own apartment by themselves, right? even if they Get a college degree and are able to find a job which is becoming harder and harder that that uses that degree They are finding that they they can’t earn

the $3,600 a month for their LA apartment, one bedroom, right, all by themselves. And so they need to get roommates. And I’m wondering if those pressures, if they continue, if you’ll see more living arrangements that are more accepting and almost more driven by financial reasons to say, hey, we need to pool our resources and we like each other too. Let’s all have fun or have love or whatever, right?

yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know how that’s going to work long term, but that’s that’s kind of been my thought process for a while

Alonzo Banx (20:59)
As you said, I certainly hate to think that it’s forced because of financial reasons. I would love to think it is more of a choice than a necessity. Cookie. I’m sorry, cupcake? No? Cookie. Yeah. The other

Cookie (21:10)
No, yeah, me. It was me.

Cupcake (21:12)
the other pastry.

Cookie (21:13)
Yeah,

no, even just bouncing off of what Noah just said, even though he’s saying financial pressures are applying to our youth right now, they’re applying to all of us right now. And I actually think that, yeah, like exploring, sharing a relationship with the addition of financial support or support for raising children because you don’t have the time that you would like to have, I think are both valid reasons to.

explore this as a possibility. I like to think that people would only explore this because they just have a little inclination, but I think pressure is a valid reason. I think pressure is just as much a valid reason for why so many people pursue monogamy because it is, you know, mirrored, is structured for you, it is telling you, and this is how you have a relationship, this is what it looks like. So I think.

your pressures are 100 % valid and they apply to all of us. And I think generationally, as you get older, those pressures apply less because you care less or you’re more established or you just don’t feel like you have as much time to explore. There could be a lot of reasons like that. But I think that that is valid. And I also feel like we’ve had

this period of time with the internet, growing up with the internet, and especially these generations of kids who don’t know a life without the internet. There’s an interesting distancing when it comes to empathy and connection to people. And I think there will probably be a bit of a pendulum swing where people kind of say, you know what, I’m gonna put the screen down and I’m gonna go out somewhere and I’m gonna experience people and have a thing. And I think.

I hope to see more of that, but I think as part of that, people might start to realize they really like someone or multiple people and kind of explore what that is. And I hope that the world creates more spaces and opportunities that invite us to build empathy again and connect with each other, even if not just for relationships, for friendships, for our family.

And in that way, I think that could change the world. It may not have been Polly, but just learning to connect to people, learning to be in the same space as someone who is living a different life than you and not being uncomfortable, I think would be a really big movement globally.

that start to just turn into understanding and acceptance instead, because there can be a world where all of these things exist. And I hope that the internet kind of helps feed that feeling of acceptance too. And I hope we continue to see that.

Alonzo Banx (23:36)
I’d love to see that too. I am going to ask a question that’s going to raise some negative thoughts here. You know, we talk about how poly lifestyle is going to change everything that’s going to bring around. Does it bring in negatives? And one of the questions for me is, if you’re allowed to just go out and find what you want with someone else, it almost makes relationships disposable. It means you don’t have to try to work through a problem.

You don’t have to try to find common ground. You just become Polly and find it somewhere else. I mean, is that a negative change that we’re going to feel? Noah?

Noah (24:10)
I don’t think so. And I think for me at least, I get a whole lot more out of my relationships than sexual pleasure. Right. If all I wanted was sex, I don’t have to be polyamorous to get lots of one night stands. I can just go to a bar and find some other drunk hit on them. And if they like what I’ve thrown down, then we go have sex. Right.

Alonzo Banx (24:30)
I’m gonna hang on for a second, I wanna interject something. I never said sex.

Noah (24:36)
Sure. I guess for me, if the relationship’s disposable, that would assume that there’s no emotional connection. I guess that’s why I made that association.

Cookie (24:36)
Ha ha!

Alonzo Banx (24:44)
Right,

but are we not making emotional connection disposable?

Noah (24:48)
No, how can you even do such a thing?

Alonzo Banx (24:48)
I put you on the spot with that one. Hang on, Cupcake,

if you want to answer please. I don’t want to throw you under the bus there.

Cupcake (24:56)
hoping this comes out in the way that I can think about it. So in my opinion, if people are able to dispose of a relationship like that because they’re polyamorous and they can just move on to another relationship, I don’t think they’re emotionally stable or emotionally intelligent that they should be having those kind of relationships, I guess, to an extent. You can argue that, you know, they just didn’t feel those

intense feelings for that person. Sure, absolutely. But if it’s a consistent thing and you find somebody that is always consistently doing that, I would say that maybe they’re not in the right place to be doing that kind of lifestyle.

Alonzo Banx (25:33)
ash.

Ash (25:33)
I understand what you’re saying. It’s you know, I feel that there are going to be some people out there that instead of putting the work and the time and the patience in to the relationship, they’re going to be like, well, you know, I know a bunch of people who are down to just like, you know, hang out and do this and do that. Like, why should I have to put up with your bullshit? Cause I didn’t take out the trash this week.

I feel like it’s going to be a little bit of both on that one because there are going to be people who are very mature with the way they handle a poly relationship and understanding that it is very emotional. It’s not just physical and it’s a lot of communication and it’s a lot of working through certain issues and insecurities. But there are also going to be people who jump in and just assume that, you know, it’s a free for all. It’s a buffet. They can hop around and not have to really deal with it. So I feel like that’s

That’s going to go a little bit of both ways for me.

Alonzo Banx (26:25)
Noah, I’ll put you back on again. I didn’t mean to cut you off there.

Noah (26:28)
Yeah,

no, no, I just don’t think that maybe I’m just having a hard time parsing it because of my own personality type, but you cannot have a disposable emotional relationship. I just disagree with the whole premise. The concept in and of itself is absurd. Yeah, now.

Alonzo Banx (26:42)
I agree with you should not. The problem is

Heather (26:44)
Thank

Cupcake (26:45)
Mm-hmm.

Alonzo Banx (26:45)
a lot of people can.

Noah (26:47)
I mean, are there sociopaths out there who don’t care about you and pretend they do? Absolutely. Right. I can’t. But that’s that’s true in every relationship that you have, whether it’s in a monogamous marriage, or you meet someone in a bar or your boss or your mother or whatever. Right. There’s there’s there’s shitty people out there. I don’t know that your relationship type really decides whether there are more or less of them in your life.

Cupcake (26:56)
Mm-hmm.

Noah (27:13)
Right. I do think that polyamory in and of itself encourages in at least in some types of polyamory, more emotional connection with more people. Right. It’s not emotional connection with all people, right. People only have so much time and attention that they can give to the people that they love. But it’s typically

when you’re talking about trying to come into some sort of prolonged relationship with the intention of having some real connection with that person and the hang-ups that we get whether Someone decides they want to break up with someone because they got pointy elbows or weird thumbs that’s on them But that would have happened whether they’re monogamous or poly, right? if they’re that Shallow then that’s that’s not something that has anything to do with relationship type. That’s my opinion

Alonzo Banx (27:57)
Beep.

Beeb (27:58)
If someone’s actually doing this, are they actually poly? I don’t think so. That’s a cop out. I mean, that’s just using a relationship type to open your demographic to a different group of people.

Cupcake (28:02)
That’s it.

It’s an excuse.

Beeb (28:10)
Exactly.

Alonzo Banx (28:11)
Go ahead, Cookie.

Cookie (28:12)
Yeah, I’d say it would be an excuse. And I’d also say like, this would have to be a type of person who either doesn’t want any accountability or can’t handle accountability or is purely looking to exploit or, you know, I mean, maybe.

psychotically bounce around relationships, it wouldn’t be for an intimate connection. It would be to serve some other kind of toxic purpose. And I do think that we live in a world and we’ll always live in a world where there are people that do that. And you can have similar dynamics with a job or a family member where somebody is using somebody for something else. And I think that this kind of goes in that camp and there is nothing you can do in any kind of dynamic set up.

to guarantee that anyone you meet wouldn’t be like that, at least not right now. It’s sometimes hard to know and some people are very good at hiding that. And I do think it’s important to be emotionally mature and aware of red flags and things like that to protect yourself from people like that. And also to have the self-awareness when you might be doing something like that too. And in any kind of relationship, you might be accidentally, you know,

either using someone or just unknowingly creating some kind of a toxic dynamic and we should be holding ourselves accountable for that and on the lookout for it and we should just know that that happens and it’s a faulty human thing but I don’t think it necessarily comes from Polly, you know?

Alonzo Banx (29:53)
And

humans are, unfortunately, rather faulty. I’m going go around and ask everyone the final question tonight. Heather, I’m holding you off for last because you’re going to give us the final summary for tonight. OK, so the question is, as we started, is poly actually on the rise? Is there more now? Is it more accepted? And will it make the world a better place to live in? Ash?

Heather (30:06)
Okay.

Ash (30:20)
feel like it is on the rise. I don’t know if it’s gonna make the place a better world to live in. I think it’s gonna, it’s just gonna add a different flavor to everything and it’s gonna be super beneficial for some people and it’s probably not gonna work out for other people. But I don’t think it’s gonna change the world. I think it’s just becoming more acceptable and that’s awesome. I’m here to support it for sure. But we, the world is a big place and you know, we are.

like you said, from Southern California, so I feel like it just feels a lot more common to us as well.

Alonzo Banx (30:49)
Cupcake.

Cupcake (30:50)
Yeah, I’m still at the… It’s definitely on a rise and I think it’s, you know, also partially that people are more free to be open about it as well, which could help in that boost. Do I want it to change the world? Well, yeah. Do I really think that we’re going to see any type of big jump that’s going to like change?

directory of the world in a substantial way? Probably not.

Heather (31:13)
you

Alonzo Banx (31:18)
Noah

Noah (31:18)
Yes, I think it’s going to change the world and yes, I think it’s on the rise My definition of change the world is probably different than others Do I think it’s going to solve all problems world peace every hold hands in hand and there would be no more war No, of course not right Do I think we’re gonna see more polyamorous relationships and continue to see more as time goes on I do as long as the political environment doesn’t turn

Extremely hostile. I think as it stays the same as is now or even backs off a little bit a little bit of the pressure backs off I think we’ll see more and more polyamory in the world and I do think it’s going to make the world better. I think as we become more accepting of the way we love and Try to love more people. I think that can only improve things

Alonzo Banx (32:07)
Beep.

Beeb (32:07)
⁓ Do I think it’s on the rise? I think so, and I hope it is. Do I think it’s gonna make the world a better place? I know it’s made my world a better place, so, you know, and I hope it could do the same for other people.

Alonzo Banx (32:19)
Okay.

Cookie (32:19)
Do I think it is on the rise? I do. And do I think it will always be on the rise? Maybe not necessarily. But I think we are ⁓ at a point where it’s going up a little bit. Do I think it’s going to change the world in the way where we kind of broaden our perspectives and have more examples of relationships that

you know, yet younger folks can entertain and mirror from and older folks can consider too. I think it kind of broadens, yeah, it broadens the acceptance. I hope that it increases empathy and self-reflection. And I think all of those things would change the world for the better, regardless of all of the other things going on. So yeah, I think it’s towards the good stuff.

Alonzo Banx (33:03)
Heather, what are your thoughts? And summarize what we learned tonight. Give us those closing thoughts for the week.

Heather (33:10)
I have to agree with most everyone on here that it is on the rise. see Jen Alpha and Jen Z more emotionally and emotionally aware than I was at their age. Them going to therapy and learning that communication. So the world is already becoming a better place just in how we’re raising our children. I don’t.

I don’t know if it’s going to make the world a better place, but I hope so. you know, have people learning how to communicate better when you have multiple partners. That’s already going to make the world a more amazing place to live and more emotionally mature and emotionally aware people. And the world can’t go wrong there. What did we learn? Gosh. That it’s not going to

change, not in our lifetimes at least, not in the US. We live in a very white conservative nation, so that’s going to be a very hard thing to change anytime soon, and that’s sad. Yeah. I’m happy for our younger generations that they’re being raised differently than I was.

Alonzo Banx (34:14)
Let me add one thing into your statement there. It’s not going to change in our lifetime. Damn, I got to tell you, lifetime is long. And I have seen many, many changes. So to ever say things aren’t going to change in your lifetime, in my lifetime, radical changes. And 99 % of them for the better, on an average, overall. Some lately not so much.

It’s been another great conversation with everyone. Heather, Ash, Cookie, Bee, Noah, Cupcake. Thank you. This has been the Poly SoCal Podcast. I am Alonzo Banks and we hope to see you all again next week. Good night, everyone.

Cupcake (34:47)
Bye!

Ash (34:48)
Bye bye.

Beeb (34:49)
Bye.

Cookie (34:49)
Thank

you.

Noah (34:50)
Thank