This milestone episode celebrates 25 weeks of honest conversations, community bonding, and emotional evolution on the PolySoCal Podcast. The cast reflects on how being part of the show has changed them from deeper communication and personal confidence to stronger connections both inside and outside their relationships.
Together they explore how vulnerability has strengthened friendships, how sharing stories helps dismantle shame, and how this podcast has become a haven for those learning to love authentically. The group also looks forward, imagining more guests, broader conversations, and continued growth in both reach and emotional impact.
Playful moments, heartfelt gratitude, and real talk about what relationships take… this episode is a powerful checkpoint on the PolySoCal journey
Alonzo Banx, Patty, Heather, Jon, Noah
Alonzo Banx (00:00)
Welcome back to the PolysoCal Podcast. I am Alonzo Banks. And tonight we have Patty, Heather, John, Noah, all in the house, and I’m going to ask a very interesting question. So with that, hi everybody.
Heather (00:14)
Hi.
Jon (00:15)
Hello.
Alonzo Banx (00:15)
How’s
everyone doing tonight as we’re heading into the holiday season?
Heather (00:20)
So good.
Noah (00:20)
Pretty good.
Alonzo Banx (00:21)
Good. So let’s go around and everyone, you know, do that quick introduction of themselves, although we have some players on here that I think most everyone in our audience will know. Welcome tonight, Patty.
Jon (00:21)
Good, good.
Patty (00:31)
Hi, I’m Patty. I am married to John. I am engaged to Heather. I’m dating Beeb and I also have a separate relationship as well.
Alonzo Banx (00:40)
And welcome back. Got a whole bunch of your polycule on tonight, Heather. Welcome.
Heather (00:45)
Hi, I’m Heather. I’m married to the Biebers. I’m engaged to Patty. John is my boyfriend and love and life. I feel lucky.
Alonzo Banx (00:55)
Good to have you. John.
Jon (00:56)
Hello. So I am John. I am married to Patty. I am dating Heather and the Bieber’s is my metaphor.
Alonzo Banx (01:05)
We’ve got three of the four of you on tonight. Noah, welcome, and you’re alone tonight. You don’t have any cupcake or Cookie with us tonight.
Noah (01:13)
Yeah, I left them behind that way I can speak freely, you know? You know, I’m Noah. I am dating Cookie and Cupcake and in a kitchen table polyamorous relationship, Cupcake having a husband who’s more or less not part of the dynamic per se, but has his own relationship outside of their marriage as well.
Patty (01:17)
Hehehehehe
Jon (01:18)
You
Alonzo Banx (01:33)
Welcome. So we had a topic for tonight, but I’m throwing that in the trash and changing everything around up on us here. I got, I got the A team of conversationalists on tonight. So what do you guys think of our podcast?
That’s our question. ⁓
Patty (01:44)
We love it! We love this
Jon (01:46)
Love it.
Heather (01:46)
What?
Patty (01:47)
podcast.
Alonzo Banx (01:48)
Talk to me about it. What does it meant? Who have you shared it with?
Patty (01:51)
I have shared it with my mom, so that’s cool. Yeah. I’ve shared it with my friends. I’ve shared it with the new partner that I am seeing. And I’ve been trying to convince him and his wife to come on. So I talk about it quite a bit.
Alonzo Banx (01:52)
Wow, really.
Noah (01:55)
Yeah.
Alonzo Banx (02:09)
So the reason I bring this up tonight is math. This is 25. This is the 25th time that we’ve all gotten together and had these kinds of crazy conversations. And I never thought that this thing would take on the life that it has. Some of the depth that we’ve gotten into a couple of times have been, ooh, wow, that went much deeper. Some of the laughs that we’ve had.
the last episode that we just recorded. I think that one went totally off the rails. John, what has been your best part about being on this thing?
Patty (02:38)
Yes, yes, yes.
Jon (02:39)
actually it’s been a kind of a source of pride. So, I have been sharing with just folks that, that I connect with, in people like, in the lifestyle, generally speaking and stuff, whatever, or they ask me questions about it. my gosh, I could actually tell you a story about it. The, I had a dinner party with a bunch of folks that I work with. one person in the group of there’s six of us, I think total.
One of them was aware of my lifestyle stuff and maybe an E and everything. this dinner was on the same day that Heather proposed to Patty. And one of the other fellows in the group was like, hey, how’s it going? What’s new? And I’m like, man, well, like, you know, this one big thing was on my mind. I’m like, I can’t even like contain it. so I’m like, well.
Some hat did come up. it might be a little bit much to Absorb when I tell you but i’m just gonna throw it out there. It’s in my girlfriend proposed to my wife and he’s and he looked at me and just like Wait, what? Like hold on What did you just say, you know, like there’s is so much information in that one sentence and and so
after I explained what’s going on and stuff and everything, one particular person in the group has had all kinds of questions and he was like, I’m sorry if, you know, me asking questions is overstepping or if I’m being rude or anything like that. like, no, no, no, I’m on this podcast. I do an E discussion group at this club that we go to. I’m all, you know, I’m all ears and all responses, whatever questions you have. So it was kind of neat to be able to like talk about the fact that I’m…
on this podcast and that I love taking questions.
Alonzo Banx (04:14)
It is a very different experience. I’ve had a number of people talk to me about hearing us on this podcast. We’ve had a very fun rivalry going. At least I think it’s fun and funny. Heather, do you know how many times you have been on this podcast? Do you know what you’re told I do? Do you know what your count is tonight?
Jon (04:30)
You
Heather (04:35)
I think it’s 22.
If are we counting this one?
Alonzo Banx (04:36)
22?
Counting this one. Noah, do know what yours is?
Noah (04:39)
I think this might be fifteen?
Alonzo Banx (04:43)
Noah 16 and Heather you’re 19 tonight.
Noah (04:44)
Maybe. Okay.
Unbelievable. This is out of control.
Alonzo Banx (04:50)
Heather, ⁓ of the 25 podcasts that we have done so far, you have been on 19 of them. How does that feel?
Heather (04:51)
you
Noah (04:53)
We’re gonna have to work on that. I gotta pump those numbers up.
Jon (04:56)
you
Heather (05:02)
I have.
I love this podcast because my work schedule and school schedule really prevents me from going out a lot. So this helps me feel part of the community when I can’t really physically be part of the community sometimes. And then just winning in general, beating Noah is definitely a goal there.
Patty (05:24)
Hehehehehe
Noah (05:28)
Just don’t tell some, or a cupcake or a cookie that you’re beating me, you know? be a little confusing for them.
Heather (05:36)
Well, I go to a monthly meet and greet. and you know, one of the questions that gets asked a lot is like, what is my dynamic? Like, what is my lifestyle? Like, and I, as I’m describing my lifestyle and what I do and what activities I participate in, this podcast gets brought up quite a bit. mostly because not, not because I’m particularly on it.
I would like to say that I shared a lot because I feel like there’s a lot of good advice for a wide range of lifestyle choices. So you don’t necessarily have to be Polly to get a good feedback from the show. And I actually had someone message me directly about one of the episodes. I forget what it was about, but he said that it
really helped him navigate some hard conversations with his significant other and he really appreciated the show. So, it felt really good, you know, directing people to this podcast.
Alonzo Banx (06:30)
Yeah, you know, I’ve always been amazed how open and honest everyone on here has been. I I put it together, you know, get you guys online, but you do 90 % of the talking. And the openness and honesty that has come across on this has amazed me. And I’ve heard from a number of professionals how stunned they are at how everyone has treated this and how everyone on board has talked. Noah, 17 times?
How does it feel?
Heather (06:58)
which is not night tape.
Jon (06:58)
you
Noah (06:58)
You know,
right. It’s not 19. That’s true. That’s we’re going to work on that. I might have to lock in a closet or something next week. know, think, uh, yeah, I think this has been, uh, really important to me actually being a part of this podcast. think, um, it’s helped me. Yeah. I’m a relative newcomer to the, the whole scene, right? Polyamory in general.
Patty (07:00)
Hahaha!
You ⁓
Alonzo Banx (07:07)
you
Noah (07:25)
to the BDSM scene, to trying to integrate into the community and, you know, being able to not only share my own experiences, but hearing everyone else’s experiences, especially folks who’ve been around longer than I have doing this has been not only greatly beneficial for me, but I think a lot of people
find it beneficial listening to it. It’s been cathartic in a lot of ways for me because partly because I am kind of new to all of this and partly because I haven’t come out per se to family friends for the most part. It’s been a way for me to be able to speak openly and honestly about my own experiences and I think it’s really helped me
organize my thoughts and learn a lot about myself, really, going through this process. And I’m thankful for it.
Alonzo Banx (08:11)
You always speak with such authority and clarity. think most people would find it surprising to hear you say that you’re relatively new to this. You you are one of our very articulate speakers.
Noah (08:22)
I appreciate that. I’m also extremely humble, as you can see.
Alonzo Banx (08:25)
you’ve made that clear, the number of that.
Who has seen other benefits from this? Anyone experience other things? Yeah, Patty, go ahead.
Patty (08:35)
You know, I think being on this podcast has really helped me be a lot more open in my life. started telling people at school in class about it. I wrote about it being involved in this podcast and the lifestyle in psychology papers for class. And so
I’ve considered being more open to in other, you know, with more people in my life because of it. So, definitely really enjoying that. And so far I haven’t gotten a bad reaction to being more open. It’s been quite the opposite when I’m in, in class and I’ve shared about it and shared about the podcast and, and all of that, the other students.
are, they don’t bat an eye. They’re just like, really? That’s so cool and ask questions. so it’s allowed me to be my more authentic self in all areas of my life.
Heather (09:29)
and
Alonzo Banx (09:31)
That’s awesome. John, I see you have something to say, but Heather had her hand up first. Heather, jump on.
Heather (09:35)
I think one of the things that has happened for me in this podcast is I kind of love and hate that Biebs isn’t able to come on the show as much. I love it because the Monday after we air, right? Or after it’s been recorded, we sit down and hook and chill and we listen to the show together and it brings up.
some really good conversations between the both of us. And we’re both off our phones. We’re just listening to the show and having a great conversation. So I’ve really enjoyed that aspect of the show. It’s brought Bebe and I closer together. I hate it also because I love being on the show with him and having that back and forth with him.
Alonzo Banx (10:15)
Yeah, it has been a shame. We haven’t been able to get him on. I think he’s only been on two or three episodes. John, had something you wanted to say.
Noah (10:20)
Did you say hookah
in chill?
Jon (10:22)
Yeah.
Heather (10:22)
Yeah, sorry. So in
my backyard, I have like an outdoor fireplace and like a very Native American vibe in the backyard with like a little pergola and a hookah. It’s a really big hookah. And we just put the fire on in the evenings and hookah and chill.
Noah (10:40)
Wow, that’s amazing.
Jon (10:41)
you
Heather (10:41)
And we both drink
old fashions while we’re out there and we just have a good time. Sometimes we play this game called truth or drink and that brings up some really good conversations. So if you need a conversation starter game with your group, definitely truth or drink is a really good one.
Alonzo Banx (10:57)
and I take it the rules. Well, no, go ahead, ask away. John’s waiting to say something, but please go ahead.
Noah (10:57)
brings up more questions.
Jon (11:04)
Yeah
Noah (11:04)
Okay, if we’re truth or drink, right, you’re doing it with your partner, right? I’m curious about what that looks like. So I’ve had two primary types of relationships. One that was, and when I say one, I mean, all of my relationships prior to what I have now have been very much a lot of secrets. You can’t say certain things because topics are taboo. You’re going to hurt someone’s feelings or whatever.
And what I’m in now with both my partners is a radical honesty situation where I can say anything and everything I want. Obviously there’s a delivery that’s required to make sure it lands in a certain way, right? But there’s no filter anymore. And so I guess I’m curious about how that works.
in your dynamic, are you finding it’s a way for you to kind of have that kind of radical honesty or find where maybe there’s some touchy points and you’re kind of working on those?
Heather (11:54)
So for Bebe and I, we feel before John and Patty came along, we did not have a lot of conversations about feelings. It was like an unspoken, we already know how each other feels, so we don’t really need to talk about it. It’s not like it was brushed under the rug or anything, but it was just like a mutual understanding. Like I grew up…
in a household where you don’t talk about your feelings and you don’t cry and you don’t show emotion. So that’s always been my 24 seven. Patty came into our lives and showed us a different way of communication. So this game, not that we choose to drink versus telling the truth, we are just more open and it gives us the space to have.
different conversations about things and some of the cards are really lighthearted and funny and some of them are sexual and some of them are super deep. So you got like a wide range of questions to pull from and we find that if we have the game out we’re not on our phones.
Noah (12:52)
So this is like a very specific board game style that you’re playing.
Heather (12:56)
It’s a card game. If you look it up, it’s just a small box full of like different colored cards that have a wide range of different topics. So, and some of them I’ll read the question and we’ll play the opposite where I will guess what his response is going to be and he’ll guess what my response is going to be to that question. So, and then it’s fun to pull out with like a potential new partners just to really get in deep. So.
Noah (13:22)
And so, and the game’s called truth or drink. I’m going to look it up. That sounds awesome. Okay.
Heather (13:23)
Truth or drink, it’s a party game. I would not.
Alonzo Banx (13:27)
I see Patty
nodding and John smiling. So I take it you’ve been indoctrinated into the game.
Jon (13:30)
Okay.
Patty (13:34)
Yeah.
Jon (13:34)
we
have been.
Heather (13:35)
I there was only one time I chose not to tell the truth and to drink instead. I think I was playing with John. It was just me and John. But for the life of me, can’t remember what the question was.
Alonzo Banx (13:43)
you
Noah (13:46)
interesting.
Jon (13:47)
She’s
always keeping information from me. It’s crazy. Yeah, This is some random thing.
Noah (13:51)
She can’t remember what it is. That’s convenient. know, it’s weird. Yeah. I wonder what it is.
Heather (13:52)
I’m
Patty (13:53)
Hahaha!
Alonzo Banx (13:57)
Okay, so that’s a good segue. How much of the truth have you hidden on this podcast?
Jon (13:58)
Yeah.
all of it.
Heather (14:04)
gosh, I don’t know. Probably a whole heck of a lot because it’s, I go off of whatever the topic is. So if the topic is leading towards something, I’m usually pretty honest on the show, unless it’s something that’s super personal. But as we saw a few episodes ago, it got pretty deep and personal really quick.
Alonzo Banx (14:10)
Mm.
We have gotten pretty deep. Patty, you’re just sitting there nodding. You’re not getting off the hook that easy. You are the one that introduced this whole thing about communication. So you got to talk now.
Patty (14:24)
I feel a clump.
So, I can communicate on most things. In fact, I have to. Otherwise, it’ll just fester in my brain. But not all things. And I definitely pick and choose when to share.
Heather (14:47)
What things do you not like
to communicate about?
Patty (14:49)
I don’t like to communicate when my feelings get hurt or when I’m mad at somebody.
Heather (14:56)
What promise would
you make me when I propose to you?
Patty (14:59)
I said, hey, I’m going to make a promise to tell you hard things. You know, it’s interesting because I am a very sensitive individual. I feel things very deeply. I love deeply and I express emotion quite a bit, but there are certain things that I struggle with and that is confrontation.
Jon (15:05)
Thank
Patty (15:20)
and anger and hurt feelings. Those are the things that I really struggle with because I think growing up it was viewed as a weakness. So I’m not going to show you that you hurt me because then I would be viewed weak, which is obviously not the case.
and not true, but when something is ingrained in you, you have to work particularly hard to get past it. So that is a little bit of a, I’m very emotionally expressive to a point. Yeah. Until those really hard, hard conversations have to happen, then it has to be a lot for me to come to you and say, you hurt my feelings and this is
a problem for me. I rarely do I do that except for John. That’s the exception. But we’ve been together since I was 19. So there’s a certain level of suck it up, buttercup, you got to deal with me kind of thing going on.
Alonzo Banx (16:15)
And clearly he’s proven that he’s going to stick around when those things happen. Trust is a very big part of communication, is knowing that you can say those things. Mr. Noah.
Patty (16:19)
Yes.
Jon (16:20)
for so good.
Noah (16:26)
Yeah, you know, I think it’s interesting that you say that, Patty, because I feel like in many ways I have struggled with the same things, right? Confrontation and talking about her feelings.
But then at the same time, I also feel like I’m very good at those things. And when I really step back and try to like picture what it is, what’s the difference? It definitely depends on the relationship that I’m talking
I tend to be, as I talked about before, extremely humble and very secure. Now, I’m obviously joking about the humble thing, but the security thing is a blind spot for me, I think, where I know I love someone and I will tend to kind of assume the best in them.
And I guess I assume that they’re gonna assume the best in me too. And so when there’s conflict, sometimes I’m shocked by it. Like, well, I don’t understand what’s happening here. We’re in love, we’re talking, everything’s been fine. Suddenly you’re upset. I don’t know what’s happening. And in my past relationships, I think I was very…
confused on my position in those relationships and allowed myself to be basically like, well, if they’re upset, then I did something wrong. And so I should deal with that. Where I’ve since learned, no, just because someone’s upset doesn’t mean they’re right. Right? They can be upset and wrong at the same time. It’s probably not the best time to tell them that they’re wrong. But maybe, maybe we can kind of talk about this and say,
Heather (17:42)
you
Patty (17:43)
You
Noah (17:47)
It seems like you’re very upset. I would like to talk about this more. Is now a good time or should we wait until tomorrow? And then we can have this conversation. And that’s helped me kind of contextualize things. But you know, when I really think about relationships that are even outside romantic relationships I have, there’s still some people that I deal with in this very like non-confrontational way where if they’re upset or angry, I just shrink down. And when you brought that up, it just kind of me think about that. Maybe I need to.
adjust my own behavior, you know? Yeah. Just a curiosity.
Alonzo Banx (18:14)
Heather, go ahead.
Heather (18:15)
I used to feel the same way Noah does or is working through. But I have begun to realize that when I’ve done wrong, I don’t see it as necessarily an initial bad thing anymore. I really see it as an opportunity to grow in my relationship now, an opportunity to do better. So as long as I reprogram my
first initial thoughts. Because my first thought is like, shit, I better, I better fix this now because I don’t want anyone angry at me, but I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to do something wrong. I’m going to hurt the ones I love unintentionally. So I’m open to really receiving that from people now and seeing it as an opportunity to grow within myself and do better.
Alonzo Banx (19:05)
Where should we take the podcast? Patty, go ahead.
Patty (19:08)
You know, I was listening to Heather and thinking about that. Like I do few things as an opportunity to learn to acquire a skill that maybe I didn’t develop growing up. Just getting over that hump to actually open my mouth and do that is the challenge, but I’ve never regretted speaking up when I’ve done so.
I think with the way I grew up, showing any sign of emotion was a weakness. So if somebody was upset at me or I did something wrong or somebody yelled at me or hurt my feelings, I literally showed no emotion and pretended like everything was okay and you wouldn’t ever know. And since becoming friends with
my best friend who has been in my life for 26 years. She regularly expresses herself. I have begun to have that modeled for me and that is slowly slipping away. On the flip side now, I express myself and it’s obvious if something is bothering me now. So that ability to pretend like it’s not there,
is a lot harder for me to do now. And I used to feel like you were weak if you cried and now I have learned that just because you are expressing emotions doesn’t indicate weakness. so that’s been a big learning thing for me over the years.
Alonzo Banx (20:28)
Absolutely. So the question was… Well, is a whole other podcast we can go down on that one.
Noah (20:30)
Unless you’re mad if you cry and then you’re very weak.
Jon (20:33)
Amen.
Patty (20:35)
I love when
Noah (20:37)
Hahaha!
Jon (20:40)
you
Alonzo Banx (20:40)
So we’ve all become on this 25 episodes now and you know 19 for some 17 for others. Yeah.
Heather (20:49)
What?
Alonzo Banx (20:50)
We’ve become good
at talking. And this has become a very tight community. How does that feel to have a community that you are this open with that we intentionally put out to the world so they can listen? That’s a little bit Not normal. Yeah, go ahead, Heather.
Heather (21:06)
So I tell people about this podcast all the time, right? Anyone who will listen, I’ll tell them. And it’s usually at meet and greets or at the club we go to, just because it’s like-minded people at those events. And I had a person listen to a lot of the episodes and I said, I’m on a lot of them. He was wanting to get to know me better. So he listened to a lot of them that I was on.
And so we meet up for the first time and he knows a lot about me. I’m like, Jesus Christ, what the frag, man? And I was like, this is cheating. You listen to all these episodes. You got to know me a lot better for our first meetup. And I was like, man, this is cheating because he knew everything about me and what I like and don’t like for the most part, generalizing, right?
Alonzo Banx (21:40)
Thank
Jon (21:50)
You
Heather (21:55)
And I was like, this is, this is going so well. This is so nice. And I realized it clicked for me halfway through the meetup. And I was like, man, he listened to that episode. He, gosh.
Alonzo Banx (22:05)
He listened to the Heather cheat codes.
Heather (22:08)
Yeah, he literally
had the, what is it, up down left right?
Patty (22:11)
Cliff Notes.
Alonzo Banx (22:12)
John, had something to say? Patting your hand was up first.
Patty (22:14)
I guess for me, when we’re on here, I forget that we even have an audience. Like I know, but when we get to talking, it’s really just sharing with like-minded friends and partners. And then when we really dive into things, I feel like I don’t have a lot of use for small talk in my life. And so this type of talk really fills my cup.
I feel like if we cannot have these conversations about things that are really important to us, what are we doing? Right? Like, what are we doing where we just go around asking people, hi, how are you? Good, good, me too. How’s the weather? You know, I want to hear in depth things in my life. And so I enjoy this podcast because of that. I get to learn about other people and I get to express myself in a much deeper level.
Alonzo Banx (23:00)
That’s John.
Jon (23:01)
yeah. So I actually, had a, comment that sort of started from the, talk about how we kind of react to, to like anger and, and all these different things that we might face with other people and stuff. But, something that I realized a little bit about myself was that, I tend to like to leave a place or a person, better than the way I found it. So like today I had a photo shoot in a studio that, it was borrowed studio time and.
I made sure that I cleaned it up a little bit better than it was before I got there. And anytime that I’m hanging out with a friend, I want them to be a little bit happier or a little bit more sure of themselves than the way that I may have seen them. Like I’m supporting them in some way. And then in relationships as well. If I go to visit Heather, I hope that I leave her feeling like she’s gotten her cups filled and…
all of her desires met and stuff with her in my visit. Yeah, yeah.
Alonzo Banx (23:52)
Okay, I gotta cut in. Everyone in the
audience can’t see Heather’s eyebrows going up and down with everything you’re saying and the little grin on her face. And I’m sorry to cut you off, but the audience needs to know that that little grin was going in the eyebrows or were on a full motion there. Sorry, John, please continue.
Jon (24:02)
Yeah.
All right.
So yeah, I think that extends into this podcast. So I like that I’m kind of putting something out there that might be helping somebody, might be making their day a little bit easier, brighter, or help solve an issue they might be having or something like that, or give them some new tools and stuff. And I think the primary thing that I like about this podcast is that some of the folks who have been on it for like 19 times or something like that, there’s this whole transcript of information.
that I can refer to if we start having some issues, right? So I can always call back to this information. Yeah. It’s amazing. Yeah, yeah, right? I thought we tackled this jealousy thing. What’s going on? ⁓
Patty (24:45)
You said! ⁓
Alonzo Banx (24:48)
On episode six, at this point, you get…
Heather (24:54)
That’s not what you said on the show.
Patty (24:56)
You
Alonzo Banx (25:02)
Noah,
you had something to add.
Noah (25:04)
Yeah, I’ve heard Heather’s been on the show 19 times.
Jon (25:06)
You
Alonzo Banx (25:06)
You
Patty (25:07)
Hehehehehe
Jon (25:09)
Isn’t
Alonzo Banx (25:10)
you
Jon (25:10)
that amazing?
Noah (25:12)
What is has been amazing about being a part of this podcast and Alonzo I’ve got to thank you for this is just a group of people that I’ve met through it, right? The folks that come on this regularly, irregularly, every one of them have been great, a great part of the experience, a huge benefit to the podcast itself, but most of all,
to me. really feel like I have been able to become a part of a community that I wasn’t a part of before. I have been able to hear from people in a more intimate space about their own relationships and struggles and how they’ve overcome and how they’ve been able to love better and stronger and harder. That’s been critical for me, I guess, in my own journey.
to be a part of this. know, again, like I said earlier, I’m relatively new to this and in many ways, kind of learning so much more about myself than I ever have before. And I hope that what we’re doing is providing a place for people to come and listen and do that for themselves as well to understand that
you know, the way that they want to love or feel is, is okay. And, in some areas and some circles encouraged and that love is honestly as cliche as it is the most important thing that we have in our lives. Right? This is the only thing that matters. Nobody, nobody is on their deathbed saying, man, I wish I would have put more hours in that Tuesday night or
I’m so glad I missed my kids baseball game because I was, you know, doing whatever else, right? No, what it is, it’s about the connections, so the love that we feel for one another, not just romantically, but with friends and family. I think this is really a huge extension of that. It’s beautiful.
Alonzo Banx (26:58)
think, you know what, I’ve had such great feedback from people outside of those on here, professionals and individuals who listen to our podcast, who absolutely feel that sense of community and comment on the way that we all are very much a community on here now. And you’re right, we’ve had some amazing guests we’ve had. In total, there’s been about 25 to 30, I think we’re at 27 right now, people who’ve been on and off the podcast. So we’ve gotten quite a
little
spread of people. As we’re getting towards the end of this, I’m going to ask each of you a question. What’s your hope for what this podcast becomes or stays or modifies or where we go from here? How do you think we can make it better? Where do you hope we go? John, you raised your hand first, please.
Jon (27:45)
I hope it becomes a sitcom. That would be great.
Alonzo Banx (27:48)
you
Jon (27:50)
Like a really kinky version of friends. that’ll work. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Friends, friends with benefits. I would love to see this grow and have more people in here to speak.
Heather (27:49)
you
It’s like Friends After Dark.
Alonzo Banx (27:55)
You
Patty (27:56)
You
You
Jon (28:07)
to have, I like the different opinions that we’ll get in here sometimes, stuff like that. So I do appreciate the variety of space that people are in when they come here and stuff, whatever. So it’s kind of Yeah, I wouldn’t even mind a little bit more, not conflict exactly, but some friction, know, something that we can chew on a little bit too.
Noah (28:28)
How dare you.
Patty (28:28)
You
Jon (28:29)
You
Alonzo Banx (28:30)
No, I’m going to use that as a moment to get a plug in. The hardest casting thing I have getting people on the podcast is convincing people who don’t believe what we do to come on. mean, they, know, people who are not Polly, people who don’t believe in our lifestyle are the ones I’ve desperately trying to get to come on the podcast. And they’re actually the hardest voices for me to get because they’re like, I don’t have anything to say.
That’s the most important thing to say, be negative. We have a community here and I know everyone on our podcast. And it’s important.
that we all have the ability to get that other side of the conversation. Heather, where do you want to see us go?
Heather (29:10)
I would just like to see our audience grow really just so we can help more people and get a larger audience base, honestly. And then hopefully, I would really like to encourage people to submit their own questions, what topics we should have. That would be really cool to hear from the audience what
Jon (29:23)
you
Heather (29:32)
what they want to hear, the ideas that they have would be really cool.
Alonzo Banx (29:36)
I think that’s a great idea. And anyone who’s listening, go to the website. There’s a contact us and it comes right to me. You fill out that little contact us form and I can tell you that I’m the one who gets them all. And I will absolutely welcome any external thoughts about what topics we should cover. Thank you, Heather. That was, that’s a very good point. Patty.
Patty (29:53)
I would love to maybe have a topic of maybe some of the negatives of being in the lifestyle, maybe some of the things that aren’t glamorous and how to navigate those things. Because we have spent a lot of time talking about how wonderful things are and how we’ve navigated some problems. But I would love to spend some time talking about some of the
things that maybe aren’t so glamorous. And then of course have maybe a very monogamous person on here. I know we’ve done it once on here to really dive into their side of things. And obviously I want to see our podcast grow too.
Alonzo Banx (30:35)
Okay, so yeah, we’ve had a couple of monogamous people on board. I said, getting them on board and getting them to come back is difficult because they don’t feel that I’m part of a community. They feel like an outsider interloping into our community. And no matter how much I try to convince people that they are welcome and desired, it gets rough. But I’m not letting you off the hook that easy. Negative side, there are no negative sides to being Polly. We all know that.
Patty (30:37)
Mm-hmm.
Jon (30:59)
Thank
you.
Alonzo Banx (31:00)
It’s, it’s love and roses and, and great sex and they’re okay. Hit me with a cup.
Patty (31:02)
you
with a couple. Jealousy, the complexities of navigating multiple relationships.
Heather (31:07)
Are you
Patty (31:16)
the legalities of having more than one partner, but not legally being able to be married to more than one partner. Maybe for some people it would be how to navigate children, how to navigate children who are from different relationships and custody on whether you should share or not share your lifestyle and be open.
I could think of so many complicated things.
Alonzo Banx (31:44)
Wow, you’re blowing
my whole theory that this is all love and roses and there’s nothing difficult about it.
Patty (31:51)
The good is
really good and makes it worth it. Would I go back to being monogamous? No. I love you, John. But no, I would, I mean, we would. Not that we really have ever been really monogamous, but the good is worth it. But there are some challenges and complexities that
Jon (31:59)
⁓ no.
Patty (32:14)
that it’s good for people to know going in like eyes wide open.
Alonzo Banx (32:18)
I like it. Noah.
Where do you hope this goes? What do hope that we cover?
Noah (32:22)
You know, a lot’s been said already. That was already on my mind. I think besides those things, I would say, I would love to hear, and obviously this takes some growth and time and connections, but, you know, there are other folks out there who are doing either podcasts or TikToks or whatever who are
part of this community as well who are trying to spread information. And I think it’d be interesting to see if we can get any of them on the show and have some interviews with them as well. Yeah.
Alonzo Banx (32:54)
I’m going to jump, Patty, I see you. I’ve had conversations this week alone with three different experts in the world of Polly. Book authors, counselors, who have wanted to come onto the round table. And my thinking is it’s not a good fit. And I’d love to hear your opinions, but here’s the reason. They come on.
looking to be experts. They come on looking to promote their ideas and their podcasts. And one of the things that I value most about this forum is we’re not experts. No one in this podcast, no one in this community has ever claimed to have an answer. We all understand that we have no clue and we’re just kind of fumbling our way forward.
doing the best we can and loving the people around us. Now I have done interviews with them, Patty, I’ve done interviews with experts, but does it really fit into the round table, Patty?
Patty (33:41)
I think.
I don’t think it necessarily fits into the round table unless that expert was solely providing pros and cons, challenges she’s seen, triumphs that she’s seen, almost as if it was her experience. if she could share those things in a HIPAA allowed way, then I think it would be that.
I would also love to hear from an ex-polyamorous person, somebody who was in the lifestyle for a significant amount of time and then just said, no, I can’t do it, I don’t want to, and then just moved completely away from it into a monogamous relationship. I would love to hear that as well.
Alonzo Banx (34:34)
Okay, audience, you hear the casting call there, Anyone who fits that, go to the web page, send me a note, say me. All right, Noah, John, John, your hand was up first.
Patty (34:36)
Yeah.
Jon (34:43)
think Noah beat me.
Alonzo Banx (34:45)
alright Noah,
you get it.
Noah (34:46)
Yeah. You know, the way that it would work best Alonzo is if it was like two people from our group, specifically not Heather, probably me being with you. And then we could interview this person together.
Jon (34:58)
That’s a great idea.
Alonzo Banx (35:00)
And if we could do that three times.
Noah (35:03)
If we could do it a row,
Jon (35:03)
Yeah.
Noah (35:04)
not for any reason in particular, I think that would really help out. Now, I do think the roundtable discussion per se is not exactly where it should be. And I do think that, you know, polysocal can go potentially bigger in the sense of you can have a couple of different formats, the roundtable and then an interview style, right?
Heather (35:06)
Thank
Patty (35:07)
Let’s even up.
Alonzo Banx (35:09)
That was.
Noah (35:25)
you can kind of have all the above.
Alonzo Banx (35:26)
The one that I’m working on, by the way, is ask the expert and the three experts that I’m talking to. And you guys don’t know this yet. We’ll make this announcement now. I’m setting them up so that we get a couple of us on with the intention of talking to the expert as an expert. So rather than be, yeah, exactly. But we get to question them. So rather than it being a round table conversation, it’s yeah, they’re the expert and
Noah (35:41)
I can’t wait to be there.
Patty (35:42)
Like marriage therapist? Is that what we’re doing? Sign me up.
Heather (35:47)
you
Noah (35:49)
Beautiful.
Alonzo Banx (35:52)
and we get to question them and we get to talk to them and ask them questions and do more of a panel discussion at a con where they get to sit and we get to ask. So that’s actually what I’m working on Noah is to put that together. John, please jump in.
Jon (36:08)
So for me, I love the idea of having an expert or somebody who’s written something or whatever to at least share their data and stuff or whatever, or whatever information they have. But I also welcome the challenge. If I’m thinking a certain way, but then somebody says, hey, you know what? My research suggests the other way. I’d love to hear it. I’d love to soak it up just like anybody seeking the truth might want to do that and stuff, And I know in relationships, perhaps, my…
and truth might end up being different than somebody else’s truth, so to speak. But I think I would love to face that, to be like, well, something else to think about.
Alonzo Banx (36:44)
That could be very cool. My concern is that it could dominate the conversation. And it could take away from the open round table feel that we have. Patty?
Patty (36:55)
You know what would also be cool is if you did have an expert on and a polyamorous group having some sort of struggle that they haven’t been able to resolve and actively working through that so that people can kind of see how what that process is like. I think that would be a good learning experience, but I do not volunteer as tribute for that.
But it would be cool to see how that process is handled in a triad or a quad or whatever.
Alonzo Banx (37:30)
I love some of these ideas and on our 25th episode here, looking forward to the next 25 at least. Noah, did you have something you wanted to add or?
Noah (37:40)
No, no, I’m all good.
Alonzo Banx (37:41)
you had a hand up there. Okay.
Anyone else have anything to add to this? We covered a lot tonight. This is actually a little longer than most. But I think we stumbled into a very interesting conversation of where we have been and where we are going. It’s absolutely been my pleasure and honor to put together these five because, you know, I know someone who’s been on 25 of the episodes. So, you know, here is that.
Patty (38:04)
You.
Noah (38:08)
Not to brag.
Alonzo Banx (38:09)
Not to brag. ⁓
Jon (38:10)
you
Heather (38:11)
Yeah.
Alonzo Banx (38:13)
But you know, hey, it’s Q19, you know, that’s close. Guys, Patty, Heather, John, Noah, thank you. And thank the audience for letting us do these every week. It’s been an amazing 25 and I’m looking forward to the next 25. I am Alonzo Banks. This is the PolysoCal
Patty (38:17)
You