This is a very special episode of the PolySoCal Podcast. Alonzo Banx sits down with Kim, one of our own, for an honest and deeply human conversation about her journey through aggressive stage-three breast cancer. Kim talks openly about finding the first lump, getting diagnosed in January, starting chemo within weeks, losing her hair, dealing with neuropathy, brain fog, surgery, drains, pain, fear, humor, and the strange little realities no one prepares you for. But this episode is not only about cancer. It is about community, friendship, asking for help, accepting help, knowing your body, and staying alive in every sense of the word. Kim brings blunt honesty, dark humor, and real practical wisdom for anyone facing a diagnosis, and for the people standing beside them who do not always know what to say or how to help.

Breast Cancer, One woman’s Journey
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Alonzo banx: [00:00:00] Welcome back to Poly SoCal. Tonight we have a rather unique episode. We have one of our own in house tonight, Kim, who has recently undergone… i’ll leave her to tell you everything happening in her life. But we also have Lana and Captain Lynn.  I’m gonna skip the introductions tonight and jump right over to Kim.

Kim, glad you’re here tonight.

Kim: Still alive.

Alonzo banx: Yeah. For everyone out there who doesn’t know what I was just leading up to, what’s going on in your life?

Kim: So January of this year, on January 2027th, I was diagnosed with late stage aggressive, breast cancer. So it’s triple negative, which don’t ask me exactly what that means ’cause I don’t know. But it was basically like stage three breast cancer. I found it, a lump in my breast on New Year’s Day and then a lump in my armpit the day afterward, [00:01:00] and I was like those weren’t there before.” My doctor. They got me in on the 5th, and they were like, “That, yeah, that’s not supposed to be there.” They sent me for mammogram. They sent me for biopsy, and then by the 27th of January, I had my diagnosis. And I am 42 years old, if that makes kind of an impact for anybody. So was not on my bingo card, let me tell you.

Alonzo banx: That’s a heck of a way to ring in the new year

Kim: Oh, yeah. I was trying to set up a new computer monitor and then was like, “I should get my shower.” And then was like that, that don’t look right.”

Alonzo banx: So you’ve had quite a year, i’ve been … W- we’re friends. I’ve been, talking with you on Facebook. You’ve gone through chemo. You’ve gone through w- what all have they done to you this year?

Kim: I like how I nod like people can see me. So started chemo on February 19th. So before that I had, the day before, I had what’s called a [00:02:00] Port-a-Cath into my chest. that is so that they can deliver chemotherapy without having to use your veins, because it will destroy your veins. And it’s easier keep clean and to handle than like a PICC line, which is like the external in your arm, what people associate with it. it’s a little more intense to get it put in. It leads straight to your heart, so it’s in your chest, it goes through a vein, it goes straight to your heart. I call her name is Francesca. call her Franny because I am weird and I name things. Because she’s gonna be with- she’s part of me for quite some time. And when they take her out, I’m gonna ask to keep her. She’s gonna go in a jar. I, I paid for her. She’s my most expensive piece of jewelry. But I went on a, a very aggressive chemo. My care team, my infusion team, fantastic group of women. and you [00:03:00] suggested a lot of things. I can’t tell you all the drugs I was on ’cause they’re names that I’ll never remember anyway. One was known as the red devil. It does make you pee red, so that’s fun, but it’s … I’m glad they warn you because if you usually know if you pee red, it’s blood in your urine, and you need to go to the hospital. So there was that, and then Taxol was of my second round, ’cause there was two different rounds of chemo that I went through. And,

Alonzo banx: I wanna cut in for just one second. Yes,

Kim: Sorry, I yap

Alonzo banx: It was less than 45 days from I found a lump to diagnosis of stage three and a very aggressive type of cancer, and you’re in for chemo already.

Kim: Yes. 

Alonzo banx: Wow what, what was going in your head?

That’s quick. That’s a… Yeah.

Kim: I went through a lot of emotions. I went through a lot of emotions, a lot of ups and downs. The waiting was the hardest part, the not knowing. [00:04:00] waiting from January, 1st up until the 27th it was like, okay, what’s, what do I do?

What’s going on? I can’t– I don’t wanna tell people yet they’re gonna ask me questions, I’m not gonna have answers. I don’t like not having answers. so I told a couple of like close people ’cause I was, it was too much in my brain. You were one of them where I was like, “I don’t know what this is.” And then when I found out, while it was scary and while it was like what do I do, it was also at least now we have a plan. At least now I can be like, okay, we can figure out a plan for treatment. We can figure out what to do. I could tell my family, and I had answers at least to some degree from a family. And after I found out, I actually made my first post on Facebook because that’s when I found out, that basically one in eight women get breast cancer of, to some degree. Not necessarily [00:05:00] as aggressive as mine. I, believe me, I don’t wish that on anyone. to some degree though, and there’s various, so many types of breast cancer as well. So one in eight women get it, and I think I’ve h-heard one person in my life ever talk about it, and weird to me it’s so many women who get it. The only plus side is that treatment has come so far because there’s such a large pool of people that they’ve done treatment on. So your l- your expectancy to survive and to get better and to come through it and to hopefully not have it again is a lot better than it was 10 or 20 years ago, so

Alonzo banx: So I know I was one of the people that you told in the beginning,

And I gotta tell you, being on the receiving side of that, it’s this little dumb moment where you’re like, “Oh, crap. What am I supposed to say?”

Kim: Yeah I don’t know, and I can’t tell you. [00:06:00] I can’t tell, because I couldn’t tell my mom either, ’cause when I called my mother, I was at work when I found out my diagnosis. because Kaiser will call you whenever, they don’t care where you’re at. Told my mom, and my mom’s response was like, “I don’t know what to say.”

And I said, “That’s okay. I don’t know what to say either.” All you can do is be there because there’s not much you can say, ’cause it’s gonna take a while for that to settle in. And when I say I’ve cried about it, I have. I have ugly cried. cried. Just snot everywhere. Disgusting. But you let yourself do that for a day, and then you pick yourself up and you go, “Okay, now that’s out, what am I gonna do? What’s my next step?” Because you have to. You have to move forward, otherwise it’s just not going to get you anywhere.

Alonzo banx: How long did it take you to come to that realization?

Kim: Well fun fact, I’m actually a psychology major. It’s what my bachelor’s degree is in. [00:07:00] So that helped me surprisingly a little bit. Just if you’ve ever dealt with grief in any particular fashion, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a pet, the loss of anything. If you’ve dealt with grief, it’s very much those same stages. You kinda have to let yourself be angry. You have to let yourself be sad. You will bargain with yourself. You’ll go through all of that, and once you realize that’s what you’re doing, and you get through that, it makes the next… It just moves faster. You know what I mean? You’re like all within 24 hours you feel all of those emotions, and then the next day you’re like, “Okay, I’m lighter I can move on.”

So for me I came to grips with that relatively early on, and I think that helped. And the fact that I had friends family that I could reach out to even if they weren’t local, it made it a lot easier to shoulder a lot of that. ‘Cause you’re not alone

Alonzo banx: You also made the decision rather early on that you were gonna be [00:08:00] very public about what you’re going through. Your Facebook updates and you’ve been very clear about the stages and what’s happening. H- how did that come about?

Kim: I just think it made it easier for me to process. I’m not a journaler. I really wish I was. I wanna be a planner girly. I wanna be a journal girl. I’m not. Just I’m horrible at it. But wanted to make it one… It was an easy way to update everybody all at once to, to make a post like that. The one good thing about social media, right?

We can reach more people all at once, and it allowed me to be like, “Here’s all of the information.” Now, I would text my, my brothers and my parents, privately. They would all know first before I put anything up, so they were never surprised. But I have friends and family on there, so it made that easier. But it also was like if somebody else ever has to go through this, I want them to know that they’re not alone, ’cause not all of us are the type [00:09:00] to go to support groups. And there are many. And doing that, I actually found people who have had friends and family go through cancer, and they never knew how to handle that. And I found out a coworker, an ex-coworker of mine from a couple jobs ago, through all of the same things in 2025. So she’s been a great help to me because she went through it recently, so she could kinda give me a heads-up on, “Hey, this might be how it feels. This might be what you go through. This is what I suggest you get for radiation,” or, “Get this type of pillow.” Different things that are just tips along the way. So it’s like she helped me, I hope that I can help somebody even just a little bit because like you said, you don’t know how to deal when someone’s like, “I’ve got cancer,” and you’re like sorry? what do I say to you?” So I just hope it helps in some way.

Alonzo banx: I think what you’re [00:10:00] doing is amazing, and I know it does help. I’m reading some of the comments on a lot of your posts. Okay, so I cut you off. You were 45 days in. You had your port put in. They’re pumping drugs into you

Kim: Yeah, good old Franny. Yeah, you learn a lot about the side effects of chemo. I lost my hair. so my hair used to be down to my butt you wouldn’t know because I wear wigs in all of my photo shoots and stuff ’cause I don’t know how to do my hair. I lost my hair mid-March. It started falling out in, handfuls of it. On my 42nd birthday, I went up to my parents’ place, and my mom shaved it off for me. I still had eyebrows at the time. But I will let everybody know, depending on the type of chemo you’re on, especially if it’s aggressive, you lose y- not only the hair on your head you will lose eyebrows, nose hairs and most hair on

I lost [00:11:00] hair on my entire body. I was a dolphin for several months. losing your nose hairs was unexpected, just to say. Didn’t think about that part. But you will get nosebleeds quite often because your sinuses will dry out, and you have no nose hairs to filter everything. They’re more important than you think they are.

Alonzo banx: I th- I think the one that surprised me the most is your fingers

Kim: Yeah. Everyone who’s with us today can see that I’ve got Band-Aids on and that is because one of the side effects of Taxol, which was one of the drugs I was on, is it can cause nail lifting. It also causes neuropathy, so which is when you get the nerve damage in your feet and your hands and in your mouth, actually, so your sense of taste gets messed up. But one of those is you, it can cause nail lifting, which it has for me, [00:12:00] I didn’t feel it ’cause my hands were numb, but I saw my nail lift off my finger partway, and I heard it, it popped, and I said, “Nope. I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with that, and I don’t want it to accidentally catch on something.” So I literally look like a child went into the medicine cabinet and stole all the Band-Aids, and I wear Band-Aids usually on all 10 fingers while they’re growing out, and I can slowly cut off the part that is lifted because I, it’s just something I can’t stand. I just, I can deal with everything else, but ripping off a fingernail having an open fingernail bed is like the cutoff for me I can’t do it

Alonzo banx: So how long were they pumping you full of drugs?

Kim: So the, I, my la-, my first chemo was February 19th, and my last [00:13:00] chemo was July 8th. So it was like five months-ish, somewhere in there. Five and a half maybe. Started for me every other week, and then in mid-April it went to every week because they changed my, the drugs I was on. I had four different chemo drugs in total. 

Alonzo banx: Now you were going through some really aggressive stuff. You were still working

Kim: Yes. So California has its own– it runs concurrently with FMLA. so FMLA, for if anybody doesn’t know, is the Family Leave Act, and Medical Leave Act. So it basically means your job can’t fire you for being gone for so long. But they, it lasts 12 weeks, I needed more than 12 weeks. So I went on what’s known as intermittent leave. I would take off hours here, four hours there, an hour here, [00:14:00] for various doctor’s appointments or treatments, my job was nice enough to let me work remotely after my chemo treatments which was good ’cause sometimes they would make me very, very sleepy. so I would be sitting at home on my laptop slowly nodding off. But, my work has been very understanding. That’s another reason I was very open about what I was going through, is because I was gonna randomly show up at work one day in a wig ’cause I didn’t wanna go to work bald, and I didn’t want people to think… Plus, I was taking a lot of time off, so my manager needed to know. “I promise I’m not just trying to skip out of work last minute. I have to go have a biopsy,” or “They have to stick me with this needle or that needle, or put that drug in.” but I lucked out. They’re very understanding.

And I also dog sit on top of my normal job, so I was still doing that. so I was still walking dogs [00:15:00] and, the good part is they cuddle at night you get a nice, warm, fuzzy little body there to make you feel better at the end of the day

Captain Lynn: I’m curious, Kim, w- if you, since you were working and I have a friend that’s also currently going through a lot of that treatment. see her, maybe not like trying to work as well, but like she’s needs to be cognitively available and present with– she’s seeing c- she’s seeing patients herself. How did you manage attempt…

Like you said, you were falling asleep, but for me even like brain fog slows me down. Like

To m-maintain the production level of what, I don’t know what kind of work you’re doing, but how did you maintain your own expectations of what you could accomplish in whatever time you did sit down and down to work? Does

Kim: Yeah, the, the brain fog is real when you’re on chemo treatments which is not good for me because I’m a bit of a goldfish to begin with. So I went [00:16:00] full Dory a while. So sorry, I’m a nerd, so I’m sure people know Finding Nemo. But, I make a lot of notes when I would be at work. I’d write everything down so that I wouldn’t forget. An administrative assistant, so luckily for me, there’s a lot of repetition in what I do. My days are pretty similar, but I would write down a full task list of what I needed to do that day, what needed to be accomplished, and I would check off everything as I went through so I wouldn’t miss anything.

I wouldn’t miss a report, I wouldn’t miss ordering something. When I take phone calls, I would make sure I would write everything down because I didn’t trust my own short-term memory to get me through. and there were some days that it sucked to sit at a desk all day and smile and pretend like you felt okay. so anyone that did a ph- does a physical job, where they have to be up and moving all the time while they’re going through treatment, like [00:17:00] extra respect to them because, I know my oncologist wanted me to go out time, and I s- I said, “No, I can’t do that. I have to work.” But I can see why people do it is hard to maintain your own standards ’cause you’re like, “I’m dragging.” You can do is try to sleep more, all you can do is try to eat well, and which is hard when you’re on chemo ’cause you don’t wanna eat anything. It’s I think for a while I survived on tater tots and mac-mashed- mac and cheese ’cause it was the only thing I could stomach. But

Captain Lynn: It’s

Kim: yeah.

Captain Lynn: food

Kim: And sometimes the smells ’cause your sense of smell gets pretty sensitive.

Captain Lynn: Yeah

Kim: so you’ll s- if someone makes certain food and you smell it, you’re like, “Oh, God,” “Get me out of here.” Foods that I used to love to eat, ’cause I love to cook, cooking is one of the things I really find joy in. Food is a love language for me. If I really lo- if you’re around, I will feed you. If you need me to bring food to a party, I will probably bring too much food [00:18:00] to the party unless you tell me specifically not to bring too much food to the party. But I literally would make food for myself and then be like, “I can’t eat this.” So it-

Captain Lynn: did you have other people making food for you, and how did that work out?

Kim: So I live in a house with two housemates, but we’re all separate households. My neighbor brought me food. She was so sweet. She brought me chicken noodle soup and a couple things from Trader Joe’s. So some of it I froze because I’m like, “I can’t eat it right now, but it’s freezable.” Chicken and stuff like that, I could freeze it. a couple of my friends got me s- snacks for chemo, like, that should s- you know, were supposed to help if you get nausea during chemo. which the nausea meds have come a long way, so I didn’t really have to battle the nausea too bad. But I didn’t have a lot of people bringing me stuff because a lot of my friends aren’t local, and my family’s not local. I had more now, like, when it was closer to treatment, a couple of my [00:19:00] friends me gift Grubhub or DoorDash gift cards.

They’re like, “So you can order…”

So I could order something if I really couldn’t get up or make food or anything like that. I could order in. what sucks is when you lose your sense of taste, and then you order something that sounds delicious, and you’re like, “Oh, I can’t taste it.” It smells wonderful, but I have no idea what it tastes like. But yeah it’s… It sucks because you’re like, “Oh, I can totally do th- I can get up and cook for myself,” and you’re like, “Oh, no, I can’t because I don’t have the energy.” like with the work thing, you’re like, “Oh, I don’t have the energy,” or I, I spent my energy on work, so now I can’t cook for myself. But I did order takeout a few times when I still had a sense of taste.

Captain Lynn: Yeah, I love that as an idea of something– ’cause you mentioned it’s hard to know what to say when somebody you care about says they have cancer and they’re going through this. And finding a way to f- to be supportive

That is [00:20:00] actually valuable to that person and not intrusive, because I appreciate how much time you might need to sleep or– And I’m noticing that with my friend as well, is the, I can tell she wants company. She wants to be connected

With us, and at the same time– don’t wanna caretaker her. I want her to speak her truth and go, “Yes I can,” or, “I can’t.”

So there’s that fine line of okay, you don’t wanna tell me you’re exhausted, but you look exhausted. And I

Kim: Yeah

Captain Lynn: you want me to be here, but is it a good idea for me to be here?

There is al- there’s this balance that I’m going through with her even right now. And you speak to that kind of dynamic?

Kim: Also through- throughout chemo, I had a lot of people who were like can I bring you something? Can I come over?” there were some days where just had to be, I had to be the one to set that boundary, where I was like, “Yes, I can,” or, “No, I can’t.” It’s whatever you feel up.

So [00:21:00] offer, because we do– even if we can’t go out or do something, or if we don’t think we have the energy sometimes just offering is enough, because we still feel included.

Captain Lynn: Okay.

Kim: and then sometimes it’s like do you want me to just come over and hang out and watch a movie with you?” And sometimes you’re like, “That’s enough too.”

Even if even if I have to say “I might fall asleep in the middle of it,” you just gotta be like okay with that as well, that you might just be existing in their space, like parallel play, like kids. We might nod off, and it’s nothing against anyone in our life. It’s als- to me, it’s a show of how much I trust being there with you and how comfortable. If one, you come over to my house, because my house is a disaster right now, because I can’t clean it. but that I’m willing to like just be me, and if I nod off, I will probably snore, which is not attractive either.

But if I fall asleep and I’m snoring and you’re [00:22:00] left watching like Netflix, like I’m sorry, but that’s my truth right now, and I’m comfortable enough around you to be like, “I will probably pass out for 10 or 15 minutes, then I’ll wake up, and we’ll continue whatever we were doing.”

Alonzo banx: Does that include fall- falling asleep at the pool at a hotel

Kim: totally did.

Alonzo banx: In the end of April?

Kim: For myself, before things got really bad ’cause I knew I was going into weekly treatments, I did a treat for myself, ’cause it had already been planned and I decided to stick with it, is I went to Viva Las Vegas, and I went with friends who knew that I was only gonna have so much energy. There were times I had to leave before they did. They were gonna stay out till 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, and I was like, “It’s midnight. I’m gonna go to bed. Sorry.” So I would … We drove my car out there. So I would drive my car back to where we were staying, and they would all just get Lyfts or Ubers back. but yeah, no, Alonzo caught me. I [00:23:00] fell asleep by the pool on the last day. But I was participating. I was just taking a snooze. And luckily nobody accosted me. Although apparently Alonzo got a weird look for taking a picture

Alonzo banx: I almost got accosted for taking pictures of you passed out on the side of the pool, but that, that’s another story, yeah

Kim: which I thought was, one, it’s a great picture and I thought was hilarious,

Alonzo banx: I thought it was quite funny too, but I guess to other people it didn’t quite look like, yeah

Kim: Yeah. I forget not everyone has my sense of humor when it comes to things. But being there and knowing, like even if you do go out, let’s say you go to Disneyland for a last hurrah before the do- you’re down for the count for a little bit. knowing your limits, but your friend, being, communicating those to your friends. So if we went to Disneyland, and I’d be like, “Look, I have neuropathy. I can’t walk very far.” If your friends are like, “Let’s get you a wheelchair. I’ll push you around,” [00:24:00] they, you need to be accepting, like I need to accept that.

I don’t need, I have to be like, “I’m not a burden. This person’s willing to wheel my fat ass around, Disneyland. I should let them so we can all have a good time and enjoy this.” So it’s like you said, it’s finding that balance, but they also have to communicate what they’re up to. “I’m an energy level two,” or, “I’m an energy level eight,” or, I’m good for an hour sitting up,” or, “I’m sorry, I have to lay down.

You can hang out, but I have to lay down.” It’s And it changes throughout treatment and throughout your journey, and whether you’ve had surgery or whether, wherever you’re at. but I would encourage you, keep reaching out. I have a, a friend that mom was going through chemo at the same time I was, and she reached out to me every day like, “How you feeling? How you doing?” know, and sometimes we’d talk all day, sometimes it was just like, “Still alive.” And then, that would be it. So [00:25:00] the checking in goes a long way, because we know it’s authentic when you’re reaching out because you care. that having that love and support through all stages of it, it goes a very long way

Captain Lynn: I really appreciate hearing that because it is some days easy to feel like I don’t know what to say or how to support and I get caught up in my own

Kinda insecurity, I think it is around being there for somebody I care about. So I really appreciate you saying that ’cause it validates to just let my own stuff go to be able to be there for my friend

Kim: trainer, so I I used to– I don’t lift weights, like, professionally or anything, but I worked out with a physical trainer, up until my surgery date. And now it changed how– what that weightlifting looked like as time went on because chemo, it does zap a lot from you. But after he found out my diagnosis, he had the same thing.

How do I treat…” He even [00:26:00] said, he’s “In my head, I’m going, ‘How do I treat Kim when she gets here? What do I do? How do I say, what do I say? How do I act?'” And he finally said he told himself, “Just act normal.” And he did. He treated me like normal. We laughed, we joked. We say all sorts of inappropriate things that people should never hear. unless his son is around, then we keep it clean. He’s a kid. But having that bit of normalcy as well, you’re just like, “Hey, what’s up, buddy?” And make your same jokes, your same things, share your memes, share your videos, whatever friendship is. If you read smutty books together ’cause it’s your book club, keep doing it as long as you can do it. Because having that normalcy and having someone offer you that normalcy sometimes be a saving grace you just wanna be, like, normal for five minutes, know?

Captain Lynn: Yeah. I[00:27:00] 

Lana: Just wow. I’m so inspired and touched by your story, Kim. And your attitude is amazing and authenticity with your sh- with what you share in your story. It’s amazing.

Kim: Thank you. I just

Lana: heart is going out of you and I just wanna hug you and just, you’re amazing

Kim: Well, be careful. If you hug me, I have drains.

Lana: Yeah, I know. I know.

Kim: I’m a little, I’m a little padded in weird places at the moment,

Alonzo banx: I don’t want

Captain Lynn: e-

Kim: Air hug.

Captain Lynn: juicy as well. A

Kim: I know, yeah.

Alonzo banx: I, I don’t wanna hug you, I just wanna rub the top of your head

Kim: my f- yeah, my, my hair, after chemo ends, the good thing is your hair does start growing back relatively quickly, which if you’re a woman that’s great in some places and not so great in the other if you’re a shaver. I didn’t have to shave for a month. I didn’t have to buy razors or anything. It was so cost-effective.

Alonzo banx: So we left [00:28:00] so we left off, you were back on chemo. Then how long till they started saying chemo did its job or not, we have to start looking at surgery? What was that timeframe like?

Kim: So for me, we always knew I knew from the beginning there was gonna be surgery. my surgeon, fantastic woman, I love her. Saw me, she looked at it, and she s- it was too advanced already. Had been stewing in there with nobody knowing, and it the lesions were too big for a lumpectomy.

So a lumpectomy is when they just remove the lump, and they preserve most of the breast. mine was, there were, the lesions were too big, and because it was already in my lymphatic system there was just no way. They were not gonna save the left one where the cancer was. Her name’s Ethel. They were not gonna save Ethel, and so I told them that they could take the right one at the same time, and that’s Lucille. And because if they only do the single [00:29:00] mastectomy, which was what I was gonna have regardless would still have to get mammograms, testing, and the cancer could come back, and I said, “No. If I’m gonna do this, I only wanna do it once.” So Ethel and Lucille both had to go, I knew that from the beginning. and I had a choice f- that I could make whether I wanted to go what they call aesthetically flat, where they away this breast tissue and all the skin, they sew you up flat-chested.

Alonzo banx: Am I gonna jump in for people who don’t know you? You’re a fairly curvy woman

Kim: I was, I am. I’ve lost some of my butt because I can’t deadlift. and obviously I’ve lost Ethel and Lucille now. But I was a 36 triple D/F anyone who follows bra sizes. And so the doctor said I could go flat, I just felt in my [00:30:00] gut that wasn’t for me. So I met with a plastic surgeon, also amazing woman, and we talked about my options for reconstruction. And so at the time of surgery, which my surgery So after you finish chemo, they usually wait four, between, they like it as close to four weeks as possible, but it’s a four to six-week window you will usually have surgery, like in my case, they don’t want you to lose the effects of chemo, because they want chemo to kill as much of the cancer as possible because they don’t want the chance of there being cells that they miss. At my time, because I want reconstruction I have what are called tissue expanders. So they do, they go in, they remove the breast tissue, and they do a skin-saving surgery. So they filet you like a fish, is I guess my best way to say it. They pull all the skin away, they remove the tissue. they say scoop it out, which [00:31:00] makes me feel like ice cream like I’m Baskin-Robbins or something. But then I started making the analogy of a baked potato, and that’s not any better. But they go in, they take, they remove all the breast tissue, then they put in the tissue expanders, which are body-safe plastic that they slowly inflate with the s- the same solution that are in permanent implants, s- so like saline or whatever it is they will slowly expand them over time so that your body has time to heal, and the skin will stretch, and the blood vessels will work like they’re supposed to, so that when they go to do reconstruction they can rebuild you about the same size that you were, to maintain their integrity. So right now my chest is inflatable I’m not quite a life raft yet, but I will get there. At least that’s my hope. And then for me, the next [00:32:00] step will be radiation because I did luck out. I cannot say I’m cancer-free yet because one, all the doctors have to agree, but technically you have to wait five years.

But surgically speaking, to my surgeon, it has all been removed. So they took out 10, 10 lymph nodes including in the one in- major one in my armpit and then up into my chest, they took 10 of them, and then both breasts. The legion- the lesions, the main one was completely dead, so chemo killed all of it, there was a teeny left in the second one that was close to the muscle, and they got that out surgery, and the pathology shows the invasive cells are gone, and there’s no other pre-cancerous cells at this time.

Alonzo banx: And

Kim: speaking, it worked

Alonzo banx: So how many weeks ago was surgery? It’s pretty recent

Kim: [00:33:00] Two and a half-ish.

Yeah, so August 19th. I had a seven-hour surgery and I went home that day.

Alonzo banx: Wow. Really?

Kim: I was sent home. I thought I got away with not saying anything weird during anesthesia. because usually my body burns through Novocaine and general anesthesia pretty quick. So I warned them, and they’re like you’re gonna be under something different. We will make sure you don’t wake up.” I said, “Good. I don’t wanna wake up in the middle of it. That’s frightening.” I heard, “Okay, Kim, it’s time to wake up.” And then I thought I woke up a few minutes later looking at my mother who had come down for my surgery, because you do need help, because you have little T-Rex arms. You can’t reach anything. You can’t lift anything. you just need help. So I will… Anyone who has to go to surgery, get a nurse, your significant other, your best friend, your mom, your auntie, whoever [00:34:00] can help you, have them help you. Do not have your ego get in the way. So I thought I looked at my mother immediately “Oh, hi, Mom,” there was two hours unaccounted for. To which luckily for me, I just kept giving a thumbs up to the nurse anytime she’d say something. I would just agree with her give her a thumbs up. Apparently I insisted I had to go to the bathroom Because during surgery I had a catheter in, but not after surgery.

So apparently I determ- I have a gerbil bladder. I have to pee all the time. I was like, “I need to go to the bathroom.” And she’s like, “We need to wait,” and then apparently offered me a bedpan, to which my mother declined for me. And another time I guess I really insisted that I really had to go to the bathroom, and so they wheeled me to the bathroom, and somehow, semi-conscious, I used the bathroom by myself. So I guess good for me, but there’s that weird reality. You may [00:35:00] have to have someone help you in your gown. The nurse had to undo my gown for me, I guess was the only thing, ’cause it was, in the back. Yeah, so that was apparently the only weird thing. And then we called my father after I got home, and he said I sounded a little loopy still, but nothing weird. But they give you the good stuff, they really give you the good stuff. So you … I didn’t feel anything on … I don’t even remember the drive home. I remember getting in my mom’s car, but I don’t remember the drive.

Alonzo banx: So how you doing under recovery? I know that you’ve been suffering a couple of issues

Kim: So one of the fun possibilities, and anyone who’s had surgery will know that a thing called necrosis. I was trying to think of the word. So necrosis can happen during any surgery your skin’s too thin. Maybe they took skin out a little, tissue out a little too close.

There’s my baked potato-like analogy, like when you scoop out a baked potato and you get too close to the [00:36:00] skin. It causes a weak point. They might have accidentally severed blood s- blood vessels. Blood m- blood flow might have been cut off. It can cause that skin to die. So I had a spot on Lucille where the doctor thought that, ’cause a week after, you go and visit the plastic surgeon again.

She checks you, makes sure, that all my incisions and stuff were healing. And she’s like, “Okay, we might have some necrosis there.” And so that means they might have to go in, open her up, take out the expander, and temporarily make me flat. So she told me I have to use right now Neosporin and Aquaphor ’cause we’re trying to see if she can heal on her own.

‘Cause as dumb as the human body can be, it can oc- obviously be very miraculous. Any woman who has ever given birth, which is not me, any woman who has ever given birth or done anything like that the hu- the female body, the human [00:37:00] body recovers from a lot its own if you treat it properly. so far, it looks like that spot’s trying to heal. So all my incisions are healing well. We’re just trying to see if that dead patch is really dead or just really badly damaged. because I had stretch marks like many women do. They are natural things, ladies. Do not be embarrassed about them. So that caused just the perfect storm for it to happen. Oh, I also found out my mother had to consent to them to do a blood draw because apparently somebody who was working on me nicked themselves while I was open on the table, and they weren’t sure if someone bled inside me or not. So that was fun too. I woke up and was like, “Why do I have that mark?”

And my mom’s like, “Oh, they wanted to make sure you don’t have a blood-borne pathogen because someone bled inside of you.” I was like, “Oh. Okey-doke.” It can just– and [00:38:00] stuff happens during surgery, folks. So I am clear. There are no, no issues with that

Alonzo banx: been quite an adventure for you

Kim: Yeah, and I had five drains, which apparently is I’m an overachiever, ’cause most people end up with four at most. but I had five drains, and then my first week afterward they took out two of them, which is If the nurse tells you it doesn’t hurt to remove a drain, she’s lying to you. it hurts. They just, they’re like, “Breathe in, breathe out. Deep breath in, hold it,” and then they pull. And drains are not just an inch in your body. They’re, like, they’re in there, it was making my mom hurt, and she wasn’t even experiencing the issue. I’m down to three drains, one of which right now is determining it may or may not wanna work. but as Shrek says, “Better out than in.”

Alonzo banx: How’s the pain level?

Kim: In the beginning, [00:39:00] bad, and I will not lie to that. I have a decent pain tolerance, but it was… Like, my mom had to do a lot for me. I was ta- So I was prescribed oxycodone which is a controlled substance in the state of California, so they monitor that pretty close. the problem with that is they tell you, “Take five millimeters,” ’cause I, by the way, I also can’t swallow pills because I have a narrow esophagus, so I get the liquid stuff. It was five milliliters up to four times a day as needed for up to seven days, the amount they gave me would only last four days, or sorry, five days, ’cause it was 100. So my option was take the full amount or don’t. So I’ve been self-managing how much I take. I haven’t been taking full doses of the oxycodone, I have been [00:40:00] taking the full amount of ibuprofen and Tylenol which I crush up Tylenol and put it in applesauce ’cause I’m a child. That is what I do. I have children’s liquid ibuprofen. But so it actually, it was pretty bad, and it was a fight because of where we’re at and the type of medication it was. It was a fight to get the refills. But my pain over the last, I’d say, two days has taken a drastic turn. I don’t hurt as much. I can sit up longer. I can do more. I can drive a car again. I’m not going far. I’m not going cross country, but I can go a mile up the road to the grocery store. So it… You get through it, and it’s not… for me, it wasn’t a subtle change in pain. It was just suddenly you’re not… You go from counting to “Okay, cool, I can take more pain meds in two hours,” to being like, “Oh, I haven’t taken anything in four hours, and I feel all right.”

You’re not gonna run a marathon, but it does [00:41:00] get better, and then you’ll move weird, or you’ll laugh too hard, or… And then you’ll be like, “Oh, never mind. No, I’m gonna go lay back down.”

Alonzo banx: Absolutely inspiring. What advice would you have for two people? One, the person who’s just starting off on this journey, and two, the s- their support people, the person on the side of them who is about to go down this journey with them

Kim: So for the person going through it be as open as you feel like being. Like, I’m pretty open about it because I think more people should talk about it because your friends and family are gonna go through it with you. like I am a single person. I’ve, I don’t have a significant other in my life. And I actually had someone tell me, and I’m sure they meant well, but they told me, “Aren’t you so glad you’re not putting someone else through this?” [00:42:00] And I was like, “But I am.” I’m putting all my friends through it, all my family through it. I’m putting people through this, quote-unquote, putting people through this, right? So be as open as you feel like being, but be open with the people closest to you especially. your needs and be honest.

If you hurt, if you wanna cry. Get it out. If you wanna scream at the world because of the injustice, do it, because then you can pick up and move forward as far as the people that are your support system be honest with yourself too on how much you can handle. We hear stories all the time about people leaving or relationships when someone gets a cancer diagnosis they can’t handle it. So be honest from the beginning whether you can handle it or not, because it will be [00:43:00] easier if you leave in the beginning than if you leave halfway through. It’ll be, it’ll devastate somebody. Be honest, be supportive, with her, him, them, hug and be there to support, but also get help if you need it. a lot to go through. you need support, if you need to go and talk to therapists or other survivors, or other people going through it, being a caregiver is not easy. Bless my mom for coming down. She’s staying with me for a month. mean, bless her for having to deal with me. I am not a good patient.

I’m horrible. But be willing also, realize you’re gonna have to do things you may not realize you need to do, like helping someone with a shower. If you are not comfortable seeing that person nakey, then probably find a way around that, but prepare that you might have to see your friend or your signif- well, significant other, maybe that’s a little different.

[00:44:00] But it’s all a journey. But all you can do, try to smile through it as much as you can. Laugh, find joy, ’cause there’s still a lot of joy. Plan things. Like I know that sounds stereotypical, right? Plan things. After this is all done, after my reconstruction is all done, I’m going to Japan, ’cause I’ve wanted to go forever, and I kept putting it off, and I’m My friend’s gonna go with me. I told her husband, “I’m stealing your wife for a week. She’s my wife. We’re going to Japan.” I pulled the trigger on my tattoo. I’m getting a new tattoo, because damn it, I’ve sur- I’ve lived through this. I’m pulling the … It makes me happy. It brings me joy. I’m getting that octopus tattoo. I know, weird, no context. But is anything, any other questions? I know I’ve been babbling. God, y’all let me babble.

Alonzo banx: You’ve got some good things to say. It’s a pleasure listening to you. Captain Moana, any last questions that we have before we let Ms. Kim get back to [00:45:00] sleeping, which I hope you’re doing next?

Kim: I sleep a lot

Captain Lynn: The statistics you talked about at the very beginning, right? One in eight women have cancer, and we don’t often talked about– talk about it. I’m familiar with that statistic ’cause I remember thinking about my indoor soccer team when I’d heard this first come up as a statistic and geez, like a third of us will all

Get cancer, will get breast cancer.

And it’s like in the back of my mind, anytime I feel a little twinge or something kinda going awry with my

I just start going, “Fuck, cancer.” And I feel like it’s debilitating on some level to always have this fear of cancer. And I don’t know if you would have, now that you’ve gone through it, you ever have those kinds of feelings come up in general?

And even today, if even if you didn’t, what would you say to somebody? [00:46:00] Do you have any words of advice around that?

Kim: So looking back, because my trainer and I, like I said I did weightlifting, and my trainer and I were like, “Why am I suddenly struggling with lifting weight that was easy, like a couple weeks ago?” looking back, in hindsight, it’s because my body was fighting this already, it was diverting all this energy.

I’m like, “Ah I should’ve listened to my body.” So that’s one thing I can say, listen to your body. If something starts to change, like if you don’t feel good, I know especially women, sorry, Alonzo, as women a lot, like we push it aside. We’re like, “Oh, it’s just this. Oh, it’s just that.” Listen to it and advocate for yourself.

I’ve learned to advocate for myself in the medical setting through all of this. If something doesn’t feel right, get checked out. I 100% am a proponent of self-examinations for women and even [00:47:00] men when it comes to various cancers now. do not be afraid to get in there and know what your body usually feels like, you’re like that, “Okay, that lump’s normal. That lump is not normal,” and, reach out to the doctor. They’re there because, like we pay them to be there. Yes, they’re busy. Yes, they work with a lot of people, but you’re paying them to be there. So go and see it, and if you don’t agree with what they say, seek a second opinion. I know that all sounds very stereotypical, but it’s very true. Know your body the best and it sucks to live l- with that in the back of your head, that little bit of fear But it’s gonna keep you aware as long as you don’t let it take over. Don’t let it stop you. If that means you’re out there, doing roller derby, or you’re out there, skiing or playing chess in the park don’t let it s- that fear stop you. let it make you [00:48:00] aware of when something’s different. It’s when you know you’re like maybe I’m getting sick.” You’re like, “I’m getting sick. I’m totally getting sick. I’m gonna take a day off and go to sleep.” then you’re like, “I was totally sick.” “I’m glad I stayed home.” The same kind of thing.

If something feels off where you’re like I think something’s happening,” get it checked out. don’t put it off. ‘Cause if I had put it off, I’d probably be dead. Not gonna lie about that. Because it, mine just popped up with no warning, know? For women, get your mammograms Like, they suck. We all know mammograms suck. they usually say start it at f- age 40, I guess now. It changes a little every once in a while. Get your mammograms. If you have a history of cancer in your family, breast cancer or otherwise request it early. Tell your doctor, “Look, I have a history of breast cancer.

I would like to get checked out early,” or, “We have a history of lung cancer,” or, you can also get genetically [00:49:00] tested to see if you have a predisposition to certain kinds of cancers so that to keep an eye out for it to do preventative. I know some women who have had mastectomies and reconstruction that was preventative because they had a big family history of breast cancer, and they either had a high chance or were already showing signs of possible, that they might possibly get it. So there’s things you can do so that fear doesn’t take over and so that you feel confident and know about what’s going on

Captain Lynn: Thank you. That was great advice. Appreciate that

Alonzo banx: Kim, you are absolutely amazing thank you so much for being on tonight

Kim: Thank you for letting me babble your ears off.

Alonzo banx: God, Sherry the you the, I, I would say bravery, but it comes so natural to you to just be honest and be talking about this. Thank you. I know a lot of people will do a lot of good with your words

Kim: I hope if it helps even one person, like it, it helped me to [00:50:00] hear my friend’s story, and so if it helps one person just get through something a little easier, then I’ve done a job.

Captain Lynn: Yeah

Lana: great job. you for sharing. Thank you for being that inspiration for many. And I wish you all the best

Kim: Thank you

Lana: recovery and your trip in Japan. Just enjoy life

Kim: Yep. Gotta live it, man. Live it while you’re here

Alonzo banx: Anna, Katlyn, and of course Kim, who I expect to see on more of our podcasts in the future.

Kim: Think

Alonzo banx: I-

Kim: I’m sitting in bed. What else am I gonna do except babble at you guys, right?

Alonzo banx: I am Alonzo Banks. This has been the Poly SoCal Podcast. Good night, everybody

Captain Lynn: No, I

Lana: Good night