In this episode of PolySoCal, the panel explores one of the hardest realities in ethical non monogamy: endings. When relationships become deeply interconnected, breakups can affect far more than just two people. The conversation examines how polyamorous relationships end, how emotional fallout spreads through a polycule, and how communication, maturity, and self awareness can help people navigate painful transitions. Through personal experiences and thoughtful discussion, the group talks about unhealthy dynamics, hierarchy, metamour conflict, and the importance of building strong foundations before adding new partners into a relationship web.

Alonzo Banx, Heather, Cupcake, Noah

Alonzo: Welcome back to the Polysocal Podcast. am Alonzo Banks, and tonight we’ve got Heather, Cupcake, and Noah in the house, and we’re gonna be talking about what happens at the end of a relationship. How do you know it’s over, and how do you handle it? Hi, everybody.
Noah: Hey.
Cupcake: Hi.
Alonzo: Okay, so we have a, a smaller crew on tonight so that we can get more time to hear everyone’s thoughts. But let’s do the, uh, round table and talk about who’s here. Heather, say hi.
Heather: Hi. Hi, I’m Heather. I’m married to Beav. I’m dating John and Patty, well, newly engaged to Patty, and we’re coming up on our two-year anniversary.
Alonzo: Welcome. Cupcake?
Cupcake: Uh, I feel like I haven’t been here in forever. Um, I’m Cupcake, if you remember me, which you should. Um, I am married to my husband [00:01:00] of, it’ll be… It was four years this year. Um, and then I’m also partnered with Noah and Cookie, and I have another partner, uh, Dahlia.
Alonzo: Everyone knows who you are.
Cupcake: Eh.
Alonzo: You’re
Cupcake: That’s
Alonzo: one
Cupcake: I’ve heard.
Alonzo: of the pastries. Noah.
Noah: Yeah, I’m, uh, a part of that polycule with Cupcake and with Cookie, and then kind of a kitchen table situation with her husband and his and her other partner. Hi.
Alonzo: Hi. So the question on the table tonight is, relationships come to an end, and relationships are hard enough to end when there’s only two people in them. But man, there can be some crazy cross connections, and how do you know when it’s over, and how do you figure out how to back out of a poly relationship? Who’s got [00:02:00] something for me?
Noah: Yeah, I’m actually r- really curious about this conversation. You know, I am relatively new, es- especially compared to the rest of the group on tonight, uh, to poly. So I don’t have a lot of experience with this. Um, a couple of, minor relationships with play partners, um, kind of fizzled out, but I wouldn’t say that they were of the real deep connection type, the one that really leaves wounds when they end. Um, and I’m really kinda curious to hear about other people’s experience in this and, um, ’cause it’s something that’s, uh, you know, been on my mind. Uh, you know, you– we, we start to get more intertwined lives, and you start to realize, you know, oh, well, you know, we have all these different partners. We– who all have relationships with each other. you know, you– uh, how does that work when it doesn’t feel like it’s working for you, but it is working for your other partner who’s also partnered with that other person and, and vice [00:03:00] versa? It starts to get a little muddy, and I’ve actually kind of wondered about how people deal with that kind of thing.
Cupcake: Wait, are you trying to break up with me?
Noah: I am not trying to break up with you. But it’s a curiosity I have, right? Because you start… You know, you, you talk about Dahlia and your husband, and, you know, as we get closer to them and we start to have our own relationships, it gets very complicated, right?
Cupcake: Yeah
Noah: And yeah, I, I, I’m, I– while I haven’t had, uh, had to experience it yet, um, I do wonder how that works w- in other relationships.
Alonzo: It can get messy. I, I think the, the messiest one I was ever in was we were deeply connected with another couple, and their marriage dissolved. And like any, you know, any time you have a friends couple, you have a couple that dissolve, it’s always the, “Are you gonna go with him? Are you gonna go with her?
And which side are you gonna pick?” Man, it’s even more complicated when you’re in relationships with everyone because I don’t wanna pick a side. Heather, what are your [00:04:00] thoughts?
Heather: I think the core question is like, when do you know it’s over? think it’s between you and that person you’re talking about, and no other person should come into play when you’re kind of debating on whether you’re breaking up with this person or not. That should be the core question there. Like, is this one particular dynamic working for you? And if it’s not working for you, then you really need to consider ending it, which then dealing with the fallout after that in a civilized manner. So… And that’s tough. That’s really tough. for me, I wouldn’t consider anyone else. I would just consider me and that one person, the person I’m in a relationship with, the w- the singular.
Noah: person you’re only worried about?
Heather: If, if we’re talking about breaking up a [00:05:00] relationship, talking about that one particular relationship.
Noah: Mm-hmm.
Heather: Yeah. That would be my– Uh, when I, when I’m navigating that decision, that would be the primary thing. Yeah.
Cupcake: I could see that it, like, could get tricky. Um, I mean, I’ve, I’ve seen it through other relationships where, you know, like, yes, you as those two individuals want to try to make it as, you know, personal as possible and not having to involve everyone. But there’s always gonna be those situations where then s- you know, people are gonna feel like they have to take sides, and they have to choose one or the other.
And, like, it just really depends on the maturity and the amicable-ness of that breakup, I would assume.
Alonzo: there– have you been
Cupcake: Who, [00:06:00] me?
Alonzo: Heather, you? Noah?
Cupcake: Oh. I mean, I had– Before I met my husband, I was into
Alonzo: so I’m
Cupcake: Separate poly relationships one after another, both very unhealthy. Um, so it wasn’t really that hard to get out of that because I, I just kinda had to snap into it and figure it out. Um, but even– It, it’s interesting because, and it’s– I, I try to say this in a mo- most generic, uh, sense is one of those relationships, you know, caused problems 10 years later, you know, when someone very close to me then wanted to start a relationship with my ex per se, and it did cause quite a bench, bunch of, uh, drama.
But it’s what it, life is, I guess, when you’re in this kind [00:07:00] of state and relationship.
Alonzo: one. So being in poly is a bunch of drama?
Cupcake: No, that’s not what I mean. I mean that uh, I’m trying to say this in the most, like, general terms. It’s, you know, I guess it more comes down to when you’re in a certain community and there maybe aren’t great fishes in that pond, and those fishes then, you know, start mingling with the rest of the people in your community.
Um, and you know, you– Even if I wasn’t in a relationship with, you know, my best friend or this ex, it still affects me, if that makes sense
Alonzo: It does. Heather, go ahead. I think you want to say something.
Heather: Yeah, I’m trying to navigate how to say it. Beep, Beep and I did have to navigate a really hard breakup, like a y- only nine months before we [00:08:00] met John and Patty. Um, we had a very… Well, I had a very hard breakup. I was really close to the husband we were… Like, the couple we were dating, um, I got really close to the husband, and we were very, very…
That was our very first poly experience. Um, I was very uneducated on how to navigate that, and a lot of the things I was doing was pushing, uh, Beep away. And now that I’m more aware of what works for both Beep and I, it’s easier to navigate poly. that first relationship, um, was definitely a learning experience, I think, for everyone involved. So We cut it off. Um, I pri- I definitely prioritized, uh, Beeb and I’s marriage over that relationship, [00:09:00] so… I considered one, one dynamic over the whole, so. But I am hierarchical, so I’m always gonna do that.
Noah: I, I have a question for those here who have all had more experience with this than me. You know, i-if we were to have a hypothetical of a, a simple polyamorous relationship, uh, we’ll just call it three people who are all in a relationship with each other equally, right? Just keep it
Heather: Okay. So every, every partner is dating every partner?
Noah: in
Heather: Okay.
Noah: right?
Heather: Okay.
Noah: have you ever experienced this or have you witnessed it where, uh, just two of the three people have a problem with each other that ends the relationship the other person is feeling like things were going great, and now they’re kind of losing [00:10:00] two partners in this situation, all at once.
Heather: I mean, I don’t personally have experience with that kind of situation, but, uh, I know someone who is currently going through that kind of breakup, so… And I think the person that made the choice to end it, uh, is doing it for herself, and she’s really learning. So it’s two, two men, and the woman is married to one of the men, but in a– they’re all living together, okay?
And they’re, the both men are also dating. Um, but the married man, uh, ha- turned to alcohol and abusive patterns and, uh, she decided that wasn’t for her anymore and broke off, uh, the marriage, well, [00:11:00] currently breaking it off. Um, the, we’ll call, we’ll label him the boyfriend, uh,
Cupcake: Yes.
Heather: sided with her because of the fallout of that became very negative for both of them. What he was doing to her of would… was a put off for him too. again, in that situation sh-she made, I think she just made herself a priority and what she wanted versus what anyone else wanted
Noah: Makes sense. I guess there’s one thing in poly that I have been with, and not something that I’ve experienced myself, but, you know, you think about hypotheticals when you go through life, right? What if this happened to me? And I, I worry about, uh, being in a relationship where, um– and c- this happens in monogamous relationships as well, where, where people are afraid to express themselves to each other. And I think that could potentially be doubly true [00:12:00] when you’re worried about, um, negative reactions from other people in the relationship who you might not be targeting your, your frustrations with, right? So I am not saying about– anything about Cupcake, but it’s hypothetically. If and I are doing great, but, um- Uh, perhaps I’m having a problem with Dahlia.
We’re not technically dating, but maybe I can’t stand Dahlia and I don’t wanna be around her anymore. This is not true. It’s just hypothetical, right? Um, obviously this creates a lot of friction, right? Her husband’s also dating her. I think her husband’s great. I like hanging out with her husband, right? Uh, do I just swallow my pride?
I’m not dating her, so that makes it a little bit easier. But, uh, I potentially have to be in the room with her very often, right? If we’re all hanging out, I need to be at least cordial and polite, but maybe I can’t take that anymore. And now I’m potentially leaving, you know, a, a friendship with her husband. I’d potentially be leaving Cupcake, [00:13:00] you know, again, in this situation I have no problems with, right? Um, or I can choose to silence myself, just deal with it quietly, not say anything, let resentment build up. Pretty soon I explode. Those are things that I get concerned with. What if my other partners aren’t being honest with me because they’re afraid that now they’ll have two partners or three partners ganging up on them and telling them that they’re not right or wrong?
And how do we deal with those kinds of situations, you know?
Heather: And I’m curious, did this– did, in this hypothetical scenario, you have these feelings about this person in the beginning, or did they develop over time?
Noah: And that’s a good question. I mean,
Heather: Yeah. ‘Cause in the beginning, what if it’s all nice and good, and then it developed over time and you started to… would, I would say expressing it to Cupcake would be your best thing.
And then hopefully Cupcake could kind of help you navigate that and, and bring you guys [00:14:00] a-at least into a space where there could be some cordial, or figure out the problem, or
Cupcake: Yeah.
Heather: you navigate that together. Because the more you isolate Cupcake from your feelings, the, the more it’s gonna damage your relationship because you’re not being fully honest and transparent.
Cupcake: I also kind of think that, I mean, and granted this is a hypothetical situation, um, but I would assume that if it started out fine, like we were talking about, and everyone was happy and this and that, and then something else kind of developed over time and there was not a connection that was healthy, I would hope that this would be noticed by multiple people and that, you know, it could be handled ahead of time before it did go to that situation.
Like, “Okay, well, let’s talk about what this situation is or what is making other people uncomfortable.” [00:15:00] Because I would, in my brain, and this is again, like, uh, in the hypothetical sense that when you’re in, like, a kitchen table type of situation, there’s a good amount of time learning and getting to know each other and feeling those vibes that if that vibe all of a sudden changes- You would think multiple people would feel it, if that makes sense.
Because there’s already been that, uh, rapport established over time, unless this person was… You would think, because it’s like you’ve, you’ve spent time with these people, you’ve, you’ve got to know them, you, you clicked at one point. So if there is a red flag that’s causing something else, if there’s, you know, we’re saying that there’s no situation that had caused this turmoil, like a weird situation where you guys fought about something or had an argument and then it just never got better or whatever, that this person that is part of your group, other people would [00:16:00] see this change, if that makes sense.
Now, like, if you don’t get along with each other in the very beginning, then that makes sense. But, like, th- I feel like there has to be something that kind of, like, changes the scale for that to kind of make such a difference, if that is what I’m kinda getting at.
Noah: I’m hearing is communication. So
Heather: Yeah. Yeah, especially
Cupcake: What?
Heather: kitchen, especially for a kitchen table dynamic, I don’t think anyone would be added to a group that didn’t in- initially fit with the whole
Cupcake: Right. Vetted of some sorts, you know? Like, it’s still, there’s still a dating process, and I feel like that’s similar to anybody being new to a community. So, like, in groups, like when I do Ren Fair or, you know, festivals that, you know, there’s always some kind of prospect or vetting when you bring new people into your, your community or your family or your, you know, group, that you would see something over time as [00:17:00] long as you’re kind of being present and noti- noticing, like, different parts of that person.
‘Cause you’re wanting to get to know them and you’re wanting to know who they are and what they’re about, so, like, you would hope that those things would kinda show up in the beginning as well, I guess. Unless they’re not being a real person. I don’t know. Mm-hmm.
Alonzo: Okay, I’m very glad you brought up, um, groups outside because no one might understand your hypothetical. You are not romantically or physically connected to this person.
Heather: Right.
Alonzo: ideally, it could be their sister. It could be a friend of theirs.
Noah: Mm-hmm.
Alonzo: not something unique to poly. Um, all of us have had that in-law that we just Love being around. You don’t break up with your loved one because the in-law is problematic.
Noah: It might not, but what if
Heather: I
Noah: [00:18:00] moved into my house? Right.
Alonzo: I actually know that. Yeah, that’s the mother-in-law syndrome and,
Noah: Right.
Alonzo: yeah. No, having to deal with external
Cupcake: A metamour syndrome.
Noah: Yeah, so…
Alonzo: for those who don’t know, explain the, the metamour syndrome there, cupcake.
Cupcake: Oh, I just was comparing it to… Like, so if obviously in the hypothetical situation, if Dalia moved in with maybe myself and Kevin, this would be something that would then be more of a connection to Noah or Cookie when they would be there, because that individual would always be there as opposed to, it, you know, occasionally.
And would change the dynamic, I would think.
Heather: have a question, Cupcake.
Cupcake: Eh.
Heather: In that hypothetical you just described of Dahlia moving in with you and your husband, would that be something that you and your husband just decide by [00:19:00] yourselves, or would you include Noah and Cookie into that decision-making process?
Cupcake: Um, I mean, I think that would be c- included, um, with them as well. And I think us as a group has been pretty communicative on, like, our, our overall boundaries of the entire group versus, like, health, you know, things like that. So I- it would be something that would be considered obs- in my opinion. Granted, it is not, you know, their decision, but it would definitely be something that I think they would be part of as far as communication.
Yeah.
Heather: and
Cupcake: Yeah.
Heather: on it? Yeah.
Cupcake: 100%.
Noah: about that is that as soon as you said that, I thought, “Well, why would she consult me? It’s not a big deal.” But you know why? It’s because I like Dahlia. If I didn’t, maybe I would think, “Oh, I wish she would’ve consulted me on that first.” Right?
Cupcake: But I, I consider that in, uh, a part of health, um, because that’s changing a mental health aspect for everyone, because that [00:20:00] can add stress or it can add ease or it can add, you know,
Heather: Oh
Cupcake: Thanks. You moving somebody in?
Noah: No. No.
Alonzo: You doing the Big Bang Theory with the relationship agreement?
Noah: that’s right. Ugh. So Alonzo, I,
Heather: Great.
Noah: lifestyle. You haven’t had very much experience with breakups.
Alonzo: No, none at all.
Cupcake: Not one.
Alonzo: Not one.
Noah: How
Cupcake: Just two.
Noah: you dealt with it?
Alonzo: You know, I was thinking about that when we started this whole topic. Um, the ones that I have been through tangentially and directly, have all been unique. I don’t think there’s been a single answer, and I think it comes down to, I end up [00:21:00] talking with a lot of people, poly or not, who are in the midst of divorces, in the midst of breakups, and for some reason, when you get the, the beard, you know, and you start getting the, the loss of hair, people come to you because they think you’re wise. And my first response to everyone is don’t throw nukes. Be loving. Be kind. Don’t say things you’re gonna regret, the situation is gonna change. When you’re in that situation, breathe deep, about what you’re saying, and don’t explode into them. And my experience has been, through the number of breakups, and again, tangentially, people I know who are breaking up or people that we’ve been with where the couples have, have split, as long as everyone stays calm, and as long as you avoid the yelling and screaming and finger-pointing and blaming, and as a friend and as a metamour, as someone else in the [00:22:00] relationship, I think the biggest thing you can do is help them stay calm. When they come at you and they start going in the conspiracy theory and the this and the that, and he wa- If you can keep them calm, you can help the situation a lot
Noah: Yeah, I think you touched on something that I’ve noticed. So I think in a lot of monogamous relationships, and I, I’m probably projecting my own experience when I say this. I think it’s easier in a monogamous relationship to just grin and bear it when you are unhappy with your partner, right? and I, and I think that’s probably social stigma, learned helplessness, whatever it is, right?
I think it’s easier. And I think the reason why it’s easier is, uh– When I say easier, I mean easier to fall into that trap, um, is because you don’t have other people in the relationship, uh, [00:23:00] you in the sense of, no, the way that our other partner treated you wasn’t right,” or, “No, what you said to our partner today was, uh, was wrong, and I think should consider what you’re saying.”
I’m, I’m using harsher language than I probably would in a real relationship, but to get to the point, right? Is, um, there’s a, uh, at least an opportunity for more honesty. And I’ve also seen that folks who tend to be more unstable emotionally don’t tend to have long relationships in polyamory, at least from what I’ve witnessed. Am I off base?
Alonzo: I think there’s a… There’s– Oh, go ahead, go
Cupcake: mean, I kinda maybe a little bit disagree. Um, and the reason I say that is because at least
Noah: [00:24:00] You
Cupcake: um, than they would be in a polyamorous relationship. I think polyamorous relationships because, because you’re not having the expectations for a partner to be everything you need, you’re a little more, lack of better words, lax, and not, not necessarily or maybe not focusing on all, all the n- you know, some of the negatives because you still are able to have a relationship without having a bunch of expectations on it per se.
I’m not saying this is specific to any type of relationship, but I feel like in the whole of polyamory, you know, people can have partners that, [00:25:00] you know, this is my partner that I speak, you know, and do intellectual things and go to book clubs and da da da da da, but, you know, this partner over here has nothing to do with that.
But that doesn’t affect my relationship with them because I’m not having that expectation from them or I’m not having that type of connection. So like that’s not gonna put turmoil on that relationship if that makes sense.
Alonzo: If I can give you a little different take on what you just said. I think you’re right, but it’s a slightly different reason for it. Twenty years ago, didn’t know there were options
Cupcake: Right
Alonzo: you’re thinking, “If I leave them, I’ll be alone forever. I’ll
Cupcake: Mm-hmm.
Alonzo: new people.”
What changed, as you said, dating apps.
Cupcake: Yeah.
Alonzo: So for people in monogamous relationships, now they’re going, “Hey, th- there’s a whole
Cupcake: I could just get something else.
Alonzo: I can just
Cupcake: Yeah.
Alonzo: else. My, my app tells me all these people.” And people in poly take that one step further,
Cupcake: Mm-hmm.
Alonzo: to go, “Oh, dude, I can [00:26:00] get everything I want from everybody else, so no fear of being alone forever if I leave you.” So it, it’s that same thing, but I think it’s because your generation, you, you, you youngins, your generation has much more access to people and to partners. And that’s really person of a… Heather, you got an eye gl- eye look where it’s going out there on me. Go ahead. Tell me why I’m wrong.
Cupcake: Mm-hmm.
Heather: not, not wrong per se.
Cupcake: [00:27:00] we’re–
Heather: one of you.”
Cupcake: But I think what, what he, what we’re kind of like missing is yes, there is gonna be a part of that community that feels that way, and they may be younger. Um, you know, like it all has to do with kind of like cultural stuff. Like, so us as adults, I feel like, you know, in the farther end of the adult rather than the younger adult, that that could be a big difference as well.
Like we’ve talked about in our, you know, older age, uh, I say this and I just turned freaking 38 on Friday, but you, you don’t really have the same type of energy to do that. You’re like, “Oh, I’ll just find [00:28:00] someone else. No big deal.” Like, ugh, I don’t have that. Like, I just recently had met someone a couple weeks ago that I like thought, “Oh, I might as well, you know, get to know this person.”
And, you know, even just after a few interactions, I all of a sudden just kind of was like, I sense this immaturity in this person that I don’t want to deal with. Like, and it wasn’t like, oh, well, he could fit in a box for me- And what I could, you know, need if I’m, you know. But it was one of those things where it’s like, “No, I’m not gonna waste my time even if I could just have it to have it.”
Heather: what if the– what if, let’s say, you said there were some aspects of that person that you liked, right?
Cupcake: Mm-hmm.
Heather: Um, what if your other partners weren’t filling all your needs like they are now? Like, you’re really happy in all your dynamics right now, and it’s really [00:29:00] good. What if it wasn’t, and this person was filling a need that you didn’t have? Would that change for you?
Cupcake: Um, no, because I’ve already kind of experienced that. So I feel like I kind of already understand how to navigate those feelings, and that’s kind of what put me into the realm of exploring polyamory. It was finally kind of that, that touch over non-monogamy or swinging to establishing relationships and having that mindset of I don’t have to have all those expectations for one person.
And I’m, you know, in my, I guess, demisexual being it, it’s much more apparent to me because it takes me so much time to get to know somebody or get comfortable with somebody that I kind of already can decide that pretty early in, if that makes sense.
Heather: Yeah, it totally does. It’s… Yeah.
Cupcake: [00:30:00] Everyone wants me. I can’t … It’s not my fault.
Heather: are hard. They’re so difficult to navigate, whether you’re in a monogamous relationship or a poly relationship. is emotional, it’s messy, and like what was saying, if you can respond to something, uh, more logically in those situations versus emotionally, it tends to be better. But that’s so difficult.
It’s easier said than done.
Cupcake: And I, I mean, and I … When I bring up the past relationships I’ve had with poly, like, it’s … I didn’t leave those relationships because that person wasn’t fulfilling my needs or because I was … It was because I realized this is not a healthy dynamic,
Heather: It wasn’t
Cupcake: and that it was not working, and it was never healthy to begin with.
But that was also my first experience w- with that world. So it’s … It took me, for one relationship, almost a year, [00:31:00] and the other relationship almost a year, but they were both poly relationships but slightly different, if that makes sense. So, like, I went from one to another going, “Oh, well, this one’s a little more enhanced.
Maybe this is the correct way to do it.” But then those patterns of an unreal- you know, unhealthy relationship Came back the same, and I was like, “This isn’t how this works.” So it turned me off to it for a while until, you know, like and I met my husband. Yeah, we’ve never, we never like kind of put ourselves in the monogamous like being, but it was kind of, “Look, I’ve had some really shitty situations.
You’ve had some really shitty, shitty situations. Let’s take some time for ourselves and build what we have, and know that that’s a healthy s- foundation,” rather than I jumped into something I didn’t understand and kinda got dragged through the mud, broke that off, did it all over again, got dragged through the mud, and then it could have closed my mind to it completely.
[00:32:00] Um, but it wasn’t until
Heather: it’s a really beautiful thing you just described, though. You, like, learned some lessons along the way, and you, you knew what you needed to do differently the
Cupcake: Mm-hmm.
Heather: and building that foundation is one of the things that I strongly, uh, a- uh, advocate for couples. Like, taking time for themselves, I think is, like, the smartest thing on the planet.
Cupcake: But even just finding the person that’s gonna be able to do that with you. If you, sometimes, you know, putting yourself into established relationships with people that have been doing it sometimes isn’t always well, because they both knew that like I didn’t really have experience in this. But they also didn’t make it easier for me by any means.
You know what I mean? So like it’s kinda n- it was kinda nice that when I met Noah and Cookie it was kind of at the right time. We all kind of were starting to learn this process, and it, it melded in
Heather: Like
Cupcake: easily. Yeah. I mean, we’re pastries.
Noah: right? Now you, you look [00:33:00] at Cupcake meeting me, and she’s just, as she’s mentioned earlier, just turning down the advances of six foot seven studs left and right because they just don’t measure up anymore. you know, I get it. I get it.
Cupcake: You, you weren’t impressed.
Heather: too, like, ’cause, uh, like Cupcake, I, I learned a lot from a previous relationship about what works and what doesn’t work. And, um, going into the relationship with John Paddy, it made me a better partner having that
Cupcake: Been through that, mm-hmm.
Heather: Yeah.
Cupcake: It was one of the things that s- I got very much from those two relationships was, is the main issue with them was, “Oh yeah, I’m poly, and you can be poly too, but I’m also gonna manipulate you to feel like you don’t need other partners and then judge you when you try to,” was most of what that was.
Um, [00:34:00] and it took time to go, “Wait, this isn’t right.” Like, “This isn’t how this is supposed to work, right?” Like, I … Um, and it, you know, it just kinda had to- Click in my head that like, okay, that’s not fair on all sides, which is what this is supposed to be about, you know?
Alonzo: Don’t want any closing thoughts on tonight?
Noah: me? Closing thoughts?
Alonzo: I would
Noah: the, one thing that’s really seemed to go a long way is understanding. [00:35:00] And that is just simply putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and trying to understand their perspective.
And if we can do that with each other, um, we may find that at least in relationships that are worth having, we don’t need to end them. Um, you know, circumstances of job changes, moving across the country or around the world notwithstanding, right? But assuming everybody is in a, in a s- stable life situation, um, I think that i- if the relationship’s worth having, you can probably work things out, uh, with a lot of understanding and a lot of communication.
Alonzo: add to that being selective of the relationships you get into.
Heather: Yeah, take your
Cupcake: mm-hmm.
Heather: Be patient. Don’t jump into anything.
Cupcake: Mm-hmm. And that has a lot to do with you as a person. You have to be, uh, strong within yourself to know that you deserve to [00:36:00] take time to get to s- know somebody and not jump into something because that’s your only option. You have to be able to know that you deserve to have the things that you need and with the fulfilling of your, you know, needs and not just a, “Oh, well, you looked at me and you called me pretty.
I guess we could be in a relationship,” even in a polyamorous, you know, sense. Um, because yeah, I feel like there is a lot, and this might be more in the, you know, the younger generation, but a lot of people just go into polyamory and just have all the partners. Like, “Oh, look at me, I have all these partners.”
But it’s not like … That might be where that messiness and those breakups come more because they’re not taking the time to establish a deep-rooted connection before actually considering what it could cause to a group of people.
Alonzo: Thank you everyone for being on tonight. [00:37:00] Another great conversation. Heather, Cupcake, Noah, thank you.
Cupcake: Nej.
Heather: Bye.
Alonzo: Good
Cupcake: Hva’? Sådan her